preferwhispers Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 No contact is annoying me. I think it would be better to just get rejected like 5 times in a row, up until the point where reconciliation is no longer a realistic option. Then I'd know exactly where I stood. I'm going to start tonight! I'll tell you all about it!
phyrespryte Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 That's so crazy...it might actually work! Except I think it would be killer on the heart. I mean look at all the posts on here from people who have broken no contact...
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 No contact is annoying me. I think it would be better to just get rejected like 5 times in a row, up until the point where reconciliation is no longer a realistic option. Then I'd know exactly where I stood. I'm going to start tonight! I'll tell you all about it! Providing once the point comes that the reconciliation is no longer an option that you move on and stop..then you have put together at least a plan to form your own closure. Will it win someone back ?.. I doubt it.. but it can give you closure if your heart is open enough to accept the slap in the face it is going to get
AltplanB Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 if that works i am going to be so pissed off at all the advice the rest of you guyes have given me. Good luck dude.
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 if that works i am going to be so pissed off at all the advice the rest of you guyes have given me. Good luck dude. Pressuring someone into taking you back won't happen ALTPLANB.. Your safe.. The only thing it will accomplish is pushing the other person away or force them to make a decision and the decision will be one they don't want to hear.
hmm111 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 well, what if u start off slowly by making an attempt at being friends with them first..and then maybe it might get u somehwere? iono, becoming friends would require some contact.
Author preferwhispers Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 listen, i'm doing this with the goal of self-destruction. if you are thinking you'd like to break NC because it will lead to reconciliation, this is not what i'm suggesting. what i'm saying is that i am actively attempting to dash all hopes so that i can rebuild without any hope or expectation. is that what you want? i doubt it. in the meantime. my text has gone unanswered. a few more unwanted contacts and i will be free!
sanne Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 your time with your ex has ended, how you choose to accept this is up to you. what i can tell you with complete assurance is that the longer you hold on to her the worse it will get for you. you need to cut her off completely and move on. it is the only option. you are not an exception to the rule, cut her off and move on. 1
luvtoto Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 No contact is annoying me. I think it would be better to just get rejected like 5 times in a row, up until the point where reconciliation is no longer a realistic option. Then I'd know exactly where I stood. I'm going to start tonight! I'll tell you all about it! Right now, your emotions are running the show. Believe me, I've been there many times. Just the other day actually. This might not make sense to anyone but me. It helps me discipline myself with strict NC when I ask myself over and over again...do I want him to remember me as 'the one that got away' or 'the one he pushed away'?
CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Pressuring someone into taking you back won't happen ALTPLANB.. Your safe.. The only thing it will accomplish is pushing the other person away or force them to make a decision and the decision will be one they don't want to hear. Absolutely, AC. Reverse pyschology. People want to be free to make their own decisions and if you force it on them, they will most assuredly make the opposite decision of what you want.
CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 listen, i'm doing this with the goal of self-destruction. if you are thinking you'd like to break NC because it will lead to reconciliation, this is not what i'm suggesting. what i'm saying is that i am actively attempting to dash all hopes so that i can rebuild without any hope or expectation. is that what you want? i doubt it. in the meantime. my text has gone unanswered. a few more unwanted contacts and i will be free! That or you'll get a restraining order
Lishy Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I wonder if she has told him to GTH yet? Big mistake methinks!
jerbear Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I wonder if she has told him to GTH yet? Big mistake methinks! What is GTH? oh.. I got it... not Good To Hear... I am slow this morning. It depends on who suggested NC. My love interests said we need time away and I agreed. I pretty much gave a time frame and said new guy is not the one. If she initiated NC, it would be better to let her come back. If you initiated NC, well go and say hi. Pressure just pushes the other person away. In the meantime, do something else; refocus.
salmagundi Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 This might not make sense to anyone but me. It helps me discipline myself with strict NC when I ask myself over and over again...do I want him to remember me as 'the one that got away' or 'the one he pushed away'? __________________ THis is a great line, I think I'm going to have tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. If anything makes me understand why I have to keep clear of my ex right now its this thought...thanks!
jerbear Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 This might not make sense to anyone but me. It helps me discipline myself with strict NC when I ask myself over and over again...do I want him to remember me as 'the one that got away' or 'the one he pushed away'? It is usually someone pushing which leads to NC then potentially "the one that got away" I personally prefer to be remembered as "the one that got away."
salmagundi Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 "It is usually someone pushing which leads to NC then potentially "the one that got away" Sorry Jerbear, what do you mean here? Its not clear...
luvtoto Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 THis is a great line, I think I'm going to have tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. If anything makes me understand why I have to keep clear of my ex right now its this thought...thanks! NC is all about discipline and focus! You'll feel much better about yourself if you stay strong. You 'X' *will* respect you for it. You will respect yourself for it. Who knows, in the future after some time has past, your 'X' may look back and think, "dang...I was an idiot for letting her go!" It's not a game. But, the next time you accidentally run into him years down the road, you won't feel any twinges of embarassment and you can hold your head up high!! NC is about you not them.
blah1234 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 The thing I've learned about no contact is... It drives girls insane. I mean, girls are already insane, but no contact makes them even more crazy. If you can truly make yourself just not care if you talk to her or not, it will increase her attraction to you by about 200%. The less interest you show in hanging out with them, the more they want to hang out with you. So, if you can be like "Yeah, no contact. It's fine with me if we don't talk for awhile" your will go insane. That's what is happening to me right now. I'm all like "no we shouldn't be hanging out" but she's called and stoped by every single day after the first day of no contact. And then when she does, I just pretend like I have something important to do after a few minutes... but then she'll call back later that night! Girls are screwed up.
jerbear Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 "It is usually someone pushing which leads to NC then potentially "the one that got away" Sorry Jerbear, what do you mean here? Its not clear... Earlier this year I pretty much asked a good friend and other stuff. She called to have dinner and to talk about what I plan on doing after grad school what she had plans for me. Where we are going, my long thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80715/ I've known her for over 5 years, chase here, chase there, she knows I cared, and her first "youngin" to pursue her. Then she started to see a guy (long story and in that thread). After 5 years of here and there, I stood up and fought a battle saying that I was the one for her and why. That guy get rid of him. Me, I'm the one for the rest of her life. You pick your battles. Well I picked this one, even if I am going to lose; I had to pick it. She always asked why I would fight losing battles, I said some battles have to be fought even the ones you know you may lose. This battle is one that affects our future. So now we're at NC for almost 1 month.
ChaseYng2005 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 The thing I've learned about no contact is... It drives girls insane. I mean, girls are already insane, but no contact makes them even more crazy. If you can truly make yourself just not care if you talk to her or not, it will increase her attraction to you by about 200%. That is absolutely true. The guy Ive been seeing is torn between his ex and me. He says he cant love either us because hes been too hurt, and he says that he owes his ex so much and that his ex is his "rock". Well several times Ive thrown my hands in the air and said "F^%k it!!" and did no contact. It drives him insane. The only way for them to realize how much you mean to them is when they LOSE you. Some even realize they love you after you are gone. And, while they are realizing this, you are getting over them, setting everything up for a nice revenge breakup against them.
CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 The thing I've learned about no contact is... It drives girls insane. I mean, girls are already insane, but no contact makes them even more crazy. If you can truly make yourself just not care if you talk to her or not, it will increase her attraction to you by about 200%. The less interest you show in hanging out with them, the more they want to hang out with you. So, if you can be like "Yeah, no contact. It's fine with me if we don't talk for awhile" your will go insane. That's what is happening to me right now. I'm all like "no we shouldn't be hanging out" but she's called and stoped by every single day after the first day of no contact. And then when she does, I just pretend like I have something important to do after a few minutes... but then she'll call back later that night! Girls are screwed up. NC only drives girls/guys insane who's feelings for you are mixed. If they no longer have any feelings for you NC will not do a bit of good to bring them back to you. Nothing will. There are many examples here of people who have implemented NC and never heard from their Ex again. NC is a tool to heal yourself, not to bring an Ex back. Heck, most of the time when a reconcilliation occurs nothing has changed and you go right back to square one.
flakyapplepie Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Oh it works. No contact is nice in theory, but in practice it's pretty unrealistic. When you're broken up with you feel absolutley miserable, misplaced and heartbroken. You can barely get out of bed enough to be productive for yourself, and the concept of no contact is about giving the other person space and giving you time to get your life together. That's a nice idea if you weren't thinking and hoping to get back together most of the time. So mostly it's a tactic in the game of lust in which you are hoping that this distance will make that person wonder about you and come back to you. Now, it's intended to get you to feel better and eliminate wishes and hopes, but less face it, you won't feel better, and it won't rid you of wanting. I think in order to eradicate these obsessive thoughts and emotions is to be honest. Honestly, you want to call. You're in a desperate place. Will it get the person back to you? No. But you knew they probably wouldn't come back any ****ing way. And chances are when a relationship ends it's not just one person feeling like it's not gonna work out. At least if you call and talk and "try" you are being honest with yourself. If they cuss you out and say no more then you know where you stand. And let me tell you, that is more of a motivational tool than just someone nicely telling you that they need space and not calling you, leaving you in a world of pain where you're forced to pretend you're okay in their honor. So I say go for it. You'll know exactly where you stand. You probably won't get this person back, but who cares? The book is closed.
flakyapplepie Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 NC is all about discipline and focus! You'll feel much better about yourself if you stay strong. You 'X' *will* respect you for it. You will respect yourself for it. Who knows, in the future after some time has past, your 'X' may look back and think, "dang...I was an idiot for letting her go!" It's not a game. But, the next time you accidentally run into him years down the road, you won't feel any twinges of embarassment and you can hold your head up high!! NC is about you not them. You say that no contact is about you and not them and yet scattered throughout your statement to this person is all about how the ex will feel about the situation. "The ex will respect you, the ex will look back and regret it" That really isn't helpful for healing his situation and giving him closure. And if she runs into the ex years down the road she'll be over it by then. She'll hopefully be a stronger, hot looking person and the ex will probably have forgotten about bad things and remember the quintessential good things. If it's about her then she has every right to put an end to things her way. It takes back some of the control that was lost when she was dumped. That's far healthier than repression.
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