emma16 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Alright I am a single mother by choice of a great four year old boy. The single mother hood I choose becuase the childs father and I don't get along even now. The thing is after living on my own for awhile I had choose to move back home to save up money to by a house and catch up on bills that I occured over the years I am 26 years old. The problem is now that I am back home my parents tell me what I can and can't do and it is driving me insane. I have recently meet this guy which the age is another issue for them this guy being 38 but that's besides the point they will have to get over it. This guy and I have been seeing each other and so two adults do like to enjoy some personal time alone. He has his own house so I am not going to bring him to my parents to speand the night it won't ever happen. I spent my first night over at his house and in the morning when I got home I got yelled at what kind of mother are you tramping around, not coming home, what guy is ever gonna want to be with you. How do I get them to understand that I am an adult and I too have needs that need to be meet once in awhile. It's like my biggest mistake was moving back home to save money up becasue I can't even parent my child the way that I want to. I need some advice.........
suegail Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Just try and learn to be considerate of how they feel. That's my advice, because this isn't an easy thing for them either....I've heard it said by parents so many times that it is not an easy thing to have a grown child come home to live. They're trying to adjust too. You are the one who is under their roof, they are doing you the favor, and I'm sure they're glad to be there for you and your son, but they have certain expectations and they are deserving of your respect.
Author emma16 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 I am really trying to be considerate but when my father tells me I can't go out until I am on my own. What am I suppose to do here. Give up a social life. I see nothing wrong with going out one night on the weekend but he says no. NO NO NO and it really makes me mad I am 26 going on 27 years old. I want somewhat of a social life I was taught never to bring guys home to even watch movies and I never have neither has my sister or brother.
J.R Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 you're 27..make decisions for yourself..what is he gonna do ground you? and if u dont have any money to move out and live on your own you can only blame yourself for that..get some guts!
suegail Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Maybe they are being a little extreme, (I don't know) but in the situation you are currently in, I don't know what you can do other than abide by their rules until the time comes when you are financially more on your feet and into your own home. As I said, you are under their roof and because of their offer to help in that way this is an opportunity for you to save the money you need and catch up on the bills. They do have a perfect right to make rules as they see fit. I know it's not easy, but at least it's not forever...it's only temporary.
magda Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 If that's the way your parents are, you should move out. He says you have to follow his rules while you live there, so that's what you have to do. That's what happens when you have to move in with your parents. Hopefully you aren't leaving your child home in their care without their permission when you are out having this social life you feel entitled to and spending the night with your boyfriend. If you are by any chance leaving and expecting them to watch your child, that is most likely why you are being treated as though you are immature, because that is extremely immature. If, on the other hand, you are bringing your 4-year-old child along with you on these overnight trysts with this man you recently met, that is also quite irresponsible.
Author emma16 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 No I do not take my son with me and no my parents do not watch him these are nights that my son is with his father. I am saving money to move out but everything for rent around here is 600 dollars a month and I had a house that my father gave to me but when I moved away my younger sister got it and she lives with her boyfriend there. I tried living with them but that is a little hard when one works and one doesn't and they like having friends over. I don't get child support beucase awhile ago my sons dad was sitting in jail for th child support he owed and my son was wondering where he was when was he going to see him and no one in my son's dad's family would ever come up with the money he owed so I dropped it all. I do believe that I myself need at least 3 to 4 thousand dollars just to move out and I only save around 100 dollars a month. SO no I don't just leave my son at home with them. My father thinks all of us kids are failures beucase we don't make even close to the money he makes but he owns his own company and has since he has been 20.
magda Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Okay then. Is there any way you could "undrop" the child support issue since your child's father is taking him out every week now?
Lil Honey Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Your parents seem to be very conservative. So, because you have a child and don't get along with the child's father, they are concerned that you will make the same mistake again. Did they dislike the father of your child? They might not like your current BF, if they have met him. They might see the same (or different) qualities that (they feel) don't suit you. Keep in mind that they want what is best for you. Too often, a young woman will dismiss what family and friends see, only to get hurt in the end. "Love is blind . . ." If they haven't met him, they may not like the idea of not knowing who you are going out with. Why not have him over for an hour or so to met them? Then, leave with him for a while and come home at a reasonable hour. Controlling you is one way of not seeing you get hurt again. Consider, too, their age . . . do they come from a time when sleeping over was far less socially acceptable than it is today? If that's the case, you could refrain from staying the entire night. You would still have your privacy, but it wouldn't be so obvious to them - or the neighbors. The child support is likely another issue. Your parents are working to help you and your child's father is getting off scot-free. Where is the right-ness in that? In fact, that is one thing I was miffed about with my daughter. She was involved with a loser and I would continually hope that she didn't get PG, because I could envision her having to move back home with dear old Mom and Dad taking care of her kids - AFTER she was told what a moron she was living with. So, parents feel responsible, but shouldn't be held responsible.
7on Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 The way I see it your parents have the right to tell you what to do when you live under their roof. It's basically a fair trade for paying no rent. That's my view on the matter.
catgirl1927 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 The way I see it your parents have the right to tell you what to do when you live under their roof. It's basically a fair trade for paying no rent. That's my view on the matter. I agree with this. If you don't want to be treated like you're 15, you're going to have to move out and take care of yourself. If you need to stay there longer and get your feet back under you, do so, but be aware they will continue to treat you this way. It's the golden rule: the one with the gold makes the rules.
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