iris12 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I have recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, due to his attempted suicide. We had a great relationship, but it did have its down sides. I have severe anxiety, and he would sometimes get frustrated with me, and break up with me ( he did it twice, but for no longer than 2 weeks.) When he came back the last time we made promises to each other, to truely commit to one another, and be more supportive and understanding. Things were great for about three months, and then this past October, his father passed away. He had a very bad childhood, and the main source of his problems came from his father. He was abusive, and a drug addict. The last time he saw his father, he was 16 and they had gotten into a physical altercation. The fact that he never got to know his father, and had such a horrible relationship must have sent him over an edge that I didn't know about. When he came back from the funeral which was out of state, he wouldn't speak to me about it, or about anything else he was feeling. He stop talking to me on the phone, and never wanted to do anything together. I wanted him to trust me, and tell me what was going on, but he wouldn't let me in. This hurt me, and still does. A few weeks after the funeral, he finally broke up with me, and told me that he didn't want to ruin my life anymore. He needed time alone, and didn't know how he could ever speak to me about his father, or the feelings he was having. I begged for him to reconsider, and trust me. I told him I loved him so much, and that I would understand and not judge him, no matter what he was thinking or feeling. But it was no use. I was left hurt and confused, but I never thought that he would actually try to end his life. A month after the break up, I recieved a message from him saying he had tried committing suicide, and was trying to get help. He told me not worry, and that he still didn't want to see me. Its now been another month since his suicide attempt, and throughout that month, he has left me text messages saying he loves, and misses me. I have tried on numerous occasions to meet with him, and atleast start to rebuild our relationship, and let him know i'm here. But he won't see me, and doesn't seem to want to speak with me at all. I don't understand it, and I am completely heartbroken. I love him deeply, and I only want whats best for him. I don't know if I should leave it alone, or to continue trying to rebuild what we had, and could still have. Any kind of perspective would be greatly appreciated.
Becoming Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Iris--This is a tough situation. He needs your love and support and seems to be reaching out with one hand while pushing you away with the other, right? He's no doubt working through abandonment and abuse issues, which means he probably really wants you but is scared silly you'll leave and he won't be able to take the abandonment at this most vulnerable stage in his recovery. I'd be willing to bet that's why the mixed messages. All you can do is be clear about what you want. Are you willing to wait until he's well enough to be in a real, mutual relationship with you? For how long? You can let him know you still care and want him and will be here when he's ready for a real relationship. Until then, you could request that he not call you unless that's what he wants, too. You've got to know what you want realistically in this situation and communicate it. That's about all you can do.
Author iris12 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 Thank you for your thoughts. I completely agree, and will do my best to be straight forward with him. I only hope that he can pull through this, and want to be better, and to feel better about himself.
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