SadHatter Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Hi guys, This is going to be a bit of a strange post in that I would like some answers to some questions without actually having to ask my ex-gf herself as I am in no contact! It sounds stupid because nobody knows exactly what she's thinking, but as she is 17 (I am 23, we live in the UK, it's legal!) I figure some women especially will know what she is thinking. We'd been together a year...when I met her in a club, I danced with her on the dancefloor and she informed me that she had split up amicably with her boyfriend (who was the same age as me) two day ago. Anyway, next thing, she's ramming her tongue down my throat and we were together for the next year. At Xmas, I looked on her mobile phone (she didnt know this). I read her text messages and there were texts from a guy on there that she worked with...he was 18 (so 5 years younger than me). We'd been talking about getting our own place this year, something that she seemed to be pushing even more than me, as I have just finished university and now have the money to be able to get my own flat. She said she couldn't wait to get our own place. Anyway, her phone had messages from this guy saying that he thought she was really hot and the next said, "I am being totally serious...I think you're gorgeous". So, she'd obviously accused him of lying or said, "Are you being serious" or words to that effect. The next day she tells me he's texted her this stuff (she had no idea I already knew, I know this for certain) so I think she obviously is being honest and I have nothing to worry about. So, we have this argument at Xmas and we didn't speak for the next few days. New Year's Eve I rang her and she was at a party with all her friends and she said to me, "My New Years Resolution is to give you up" and all her friends cheered in the background. It made me feel awful and lonely. I don't understand why her "friends" dislike me so much - I think she exaggerates to them or something. She is very insecure as a person, all of my family have noted this. So, after New Years Eve, we don't talk for about a week. I ring her then and say I am sorry, can we sort this out. She is very cold, uninterested etc. and then, after about 5/6 phone calls during the week, finally admits that she likes someone else. Anyway, it turns out she's been seeing this guy she works with (who the texts were on her phone from that I read) since about three days after we had the argument. One of her mates told me and my ex-gf had been lying to me for the past two weeks and telling me she wasn't seeing anyone else. Anyway, basically, we haven't spoken since Thursday. She told me she has seen this guy every single day since they got together three weeks ago and she usually goes to his house after college and stays there until about 1am when they walk home together. However, while I am on the phone to her, he starts talking. She's with him as we are speaking at his house (his parents house)! I say to her...so what does he have that I don't and she says...well for a start he is better looking, I think so and so do all of my friends. That made me awful, I never thought she would say this to me. I proceed to ask her if she ever thinks about me/misses me and my family. She says do I want her to be honest? I say yes. She says - no. I am with someone new, sorry but I don't. I can't believe how just three weeks after we've broken up, she is with a new guy, staying at his all the time, and doesn't even think about me at all!! How can she move on so quickly!!!!!!!! Is she lying?? He then asked her if she wanted to go out that night (while I am on the phone) and she said sure, but she needs a shower first and he asks her if she wants to stay at her house the next night as they both have work at the same time the following morning. She says sure. So now I know she is staying overnight at his. I wish I didn't think about these things so much. Anyway, since then, I haven't contacted her and I don't plan to. She hasn't contacted me either. Anyway, I guess my question is - how has she moved on so quickly and how can she not even think about me after a year together? We were so close, we used to see each other pretty much every day and we spoke at least once everyday on the phone. And now...nothing. It has all stopped suddenly. Do you guys think I will ever hear from her again? I know I shouldn't care but I can't help it. Just wish she would miss me like I miss her. Like I say, I am in no contact now, but I just wondered if any girls could explain her words/actions/feelings to me? Thanks
pandnh4 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 i'm sorry to hear about your loss... unfortunately nobody can provide an answer as to why she behaved this way... it is, however, loathsome, to say the least, and you should never settle for someone like this... it's one thing to pack your bags on someone, but it's a whole different story when one adds insult to injury... while i'm no psychologist, i can say that these are strong signs of immaturity on her end, as well as hints of emotional instability (read, ability to jump from one person to the next)... to be honest, she just might contact you again, especially if things with this other guy don't work out, but i would keep away... i once dated this girl who was quick to reunite with an ex of hers after she abruptly broke up with me, slept around with several people, then finally moved in with another guy just barely 6 weeks after the breakup... it's often said that a good definition of insanity is repeating the same patterns in behavior and expecting different results... all too often people just refuse to learn from the past... a good friend and therapist of mine told me these situations should be lessons to help us determine what qualities we want in a companion and who would make a good person for us... hang in there, you'll be ok... btw, this isn't a female's opinion but i still hope the best for you...
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