lobsterbabe Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 So how many of the guys here often say "I love you" to their SO's? How soon did you say it? Do you have a time frame as far as when to say it for the first time? Or, if you have trouble saying that L-word, how do you show/express your love in other ways???
basscatcher Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 So how many of the guys here often say "I love you" to their SO's? How soon did you say it? Do you have a time frame as far as when to say it for the first time? Or, if you have trouble saying that L-word, how do you show/express your love in other ways??? Oh ya I have been wondering this myself lately.. Please men elaborate inquiring minds want to know....... Me included of course. I tend to think men who have invested themselves and have been hurt badly will take their time in revealing what they are feeling. IT SO SUCKS FOR THE WOMAN ON THE NEW RECIEVING END.. not recieving that confirmation sucks.
Scottstina Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 My boyfriend rarely says it, unless I say it first. I think in 15 months he's said it to me first 2 times - once on my birthday, and once when I was feeling sad. He's so afraid of showing love/emotions .... it's becoming quite a stumbling block.
blind_otter Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 My exBF was burned badly by his exW. He told me he loved me within 4 months, and said it often without being self-conscious. He still says it to me when we talk or hang out. It's situation specific. It's not like all men are afraid to say I love you. Nor are all men loathe to say it. 1
Author lobsterbabe Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 I've been with my bf for almost 10 months and he still hasn't said it yet. I haven't said it yet either. I want to, but I'm not sure it's a good idea that I say it first.
7on Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Never had an SO, but I tell my mom I love her everyday.
quankanne Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Never had an SO, but I tell my mom I love her everyday. you're a sweetie, 7, and know that your mom treasures this like nothing else :love: while my husband wasn't averse to saying he "loved me dearly," the I love yous didn't come for quite awhile, because he'd been burnt badly before. In fact, I hadn't realized HOW badly until I was teasing him about him being so lovable with me and he admitted that he'd never been that way with anyone before – not with either ex-wife, not with his girlfriends, nadie. I think that men don't say it unless they feel secure in the relationship, that it's not going to be thrown back into their faces or squealed over, but just accepted as matter of fact ... but that's just me.
Pendawn Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I've been with my bf almost a year and he hasn't said it. But he'll give me cards with it written on, and says things like "You're my saviour", "You mean the absolute world to me." "I can't imagine my life without you." And easily says "I love such-and-such about you." I've no idea why he can't bring himself to actually SAY the words outloud, but he acts very very loving and considerate and constantly says how much I mean to him, so I'm not too worried. Just perplexed why it's so hard to say.
Lucasarts Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 who cares if we say it or not? i mean whats better, to say i love you and not mean it? come on, i mean i wonder why girls always ask this question, us guys tend to have our actions speak for us, not some words. If we show you that we care by cuddling, hugging, kissing, being there, showering you with little things, and any and all sorts of things, i guess we really dont love you girls unless we say it? seriously i wonder why woman find it so important that guys have to say those three words in order for a relationship to have meaning.
witabix Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I tell my SO I love her regularly. I will pull her to me and say "Oh by the way, I love you", when we are out. I tell her I love you, when she makes that face that says I am being silly. I said it first, a good while ago. It took her a while to say it to me. It didn't bother me that she didn't say it. I believe love is given without reciprocation. You love someone because that is what you want to do. Not because they will love you back. Because they often do not. They may say those words, but time tells a different story, as do actions. Words are just compressions and rarefactions of the air we use as a medium for verbal communication. Sound pressure waves, thats all. Actions are the benchmark, but words used to back up those actions can be taken at face value. I always look into her eyes when I say it. So that she may see the words come from my mouth but are born in my scarred and injured heart. A heart that knows how to love someone, not for what they say but for who they are. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Hubby and I say it afew times a day. Usually as he is leaving for work, or after early morning sex. We talk atleast once during the day and he always says "I love you" first before we hang up. We also do the I love you's for odd reasons. If he is irked with me or I'm irritating him, he'll say, "I love you but piss off right now!!" LOL Or if he bugs me I will tell him,"I Love you, but you STINK. Go have a shower and I'll love you more." stupid stuff like that. Before bed too, we cuddle and always say it then too.
7on Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Oh, I also say "I love you too." to people who do stupid ****. I also interchange that with "I hate you" occasionally. If it's something small, like my roommate drinks the last of the milk I'll say "I hate you," but if he like ruins some of my homework I'll say, "I love you, too." Of course as sarcastically as possible.
targetbag Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 My boyfriend first told me he loved me during our fourth month of dating, and I said it back. We say it to each other frequently while we're hanging out, especially while cuddling. I'll also tell him I love him playfully after I've done/said something that was annoying
hyakku Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Personally I will wait (I have never said it yet except to ONE woman besides my mother and family of course but since it was long distance we decided to be just close friends), more than 4 months, personally I feel 6-12 months plus can still be too soon. The thing is so many people are in the mind frame of, "Ok, meet SO get married, have kids, die!!!!" That they just throw themselves out there saying I love you to tons of people. I know a guy who has been dating a girl for only a few weeks but he says he's been, "trying to get with her for a while so its ok to say it" is more his idea. A month is not enough time to say I love you. 6 months usually isn't. A year usually is when you FIRST start feeling it. People don't understand that love is always evolving and throwing new things at you to test you, things that 4 months of a relationship will almost NEVER bring. My two cents. I guess you could say I'm agreeing with lucas but again, its not so much to me that, "does it matter if we say it?" its a, "generally women and alot of guys say it in relationships WAYYYY too early and then they end up breaking up WAYYY to early because they rushed into it" sentiment with me.
Sevenmack Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I know most women don't want to hear this; you'd rather hear someone declare their love for you. But love isn't what one says, but what one does. Does he care for you when you're sick or kiss you on the forehead after an awful day at work or at home? Does he do things that he would not otherwise do, such as walk your dog -- which he hates -- or goes with you to visit your parents (which he despises doing)? Did he sleep around with another lover? Does he treat you with the respect you expect and demand? Does he try to do something special for you, something you know he cannot do such as sing or make a ceramic? Most of all, does he make the effort to improve how he treats you -- and succeeds. And doesn't backslide. If all that is so, then he loves you. Plain and simple. Because someone can say those three little words at nine in the morning -- and be banging your best friend at noon. 1
Zaira Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 My boyfriend told me that he won't say it until he feels it and really means it, and I appreciate that more than anything. I hate when it's thrown around casually. If he hadn't said it in a year though I would begin to wonder
Curmudgeon Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 The last woman I said it to I did so about a week after we started dating. I could have said it on our first date and meant it. A week later we were engaged and six weeks after that we were married. That was over nine years ago and I still say it daily, as does she, several times in fact for both of us. If it's any help, we were friends for five years and former coworkers before I finally asked her out.
Author lobsterbabe Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 maybe he's waiting for you to say it? That's what I was thinking too. However, it's not something I've done before. Besides, I've read some stories in here that the women who said it first ended up regretting it.
Author lobsterbabe Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 If he hadn't said it in a year though I would begin to wonder That's the same question that's been in the back of my head... Should that be worried?
Author lobsterbabe Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 I know most women don't want to hear this; you'd rather hear someone declare their love for you. But love isn't what one says, but what one does. Does he care for you when you're sick or kiss you on the forehead after an awful day at work or at home? Does he do things that he would not otherwise do, such as walk your dog -- which he hates -- or goes with you to visit your parents (which he despises doing)? Did he sleep around with another lover? Does he treat you with the respect you expect and demand? Does he try to do something special for you, something you know he cannot do such as sing or make a ceramic? Most of all, does he make the effort to improve how he treats you -- and succeeds. And doesn't backslide. If all that is so, then he loves you. Plain and simple. Because someone can say those three little words at nine in the morning -- and be banging your best friend at noon. I see your point. He's not the type to be throwing those words around, which I appreciate. And he does all these nice things to me. But sometimes I wonder, how hard can it really be to say it? Really?
blind_otter Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I see your point. He's not the type to be throwing those words around, which I appreciate. And he does all these nice things to me. But sometimes I wonder, how hard can it really be to say it? Really? Some of us didn't grow up in loving homes. So it's hard for other people to understand...but for me, it's hard to say sometimes. I feel it, think it, act it, know it...but because of my childhood I never learned what love really was or how to express it verbally or even through actions. It's something I've taught myself. So sometimes it can be very difficult.
Author lobsterbabe Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 Some of us didn't grow up in loving homes. So it's hard for other people to understand...but for me, it's hard to say sometimes. I feel it, think it, act it, know it...but because of my childhood I never learned what love really was or how to express it verbally or even through actions. It's something I've taught myself. So sometimes it can be very difficult. Although he never knew his father, he is very close to his family. He says "I love you's" to everyone of them all the time. They're all very affectionate with each other. Saying it shouldn't be a problem on his part.
SmoochieFace Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I'm a guy and I say "I love you" to my doe-bun every day... and more than once. I really don't understand why this is an issue with some men...
basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I tell my SO I love her regularly. I will pull her to me and say "Oh by the way, I love you", when we are out. I tell her I love you, when she makes that face that says I am being silly. I said it first, a good while ago. It took her a while to say it to me. It didn't bother me that she didn't say it. I believe love is given without reciprocation. You love someone because that is what you want to do. Not because they will love you back. Because they often do not. They may say those words, but time tells a different story, as do actions. Words are just compressions and rarefactions of the air we use as a medium for verbal communication. Sound pressure waves, thats all. Actions are the benchmark, but words used to back up those actions can be taken at face value. I always look into her eyes when I say it. So that she may see the words come from my mouth but are born in my scarred and injured heart. A heart that knows how to love someone, not for what they say but for who they are. I love what you said.... This is rare... You sound like a Gem Wita
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