LouiseNash Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I have been going out with this man for nearly three years. We seperated a year ago for aprox 6 months and it was hard. My boyfriend loved a drink and his friends sometimes too much for my liking and for the relationship so we parted. He approached me and said he would not drink so much and make time for us. We got back together. He kept to his word and now we live together. But things are not great, we argue all the time I'm scared of him when he says he's going out drinking (which is only about 1 or 2 times a week now ) because of memories I have of when he used to drink heavily. He calls me horrible names when we argue and sometimes when we are not arguing. He admits to not wanting to go out and do things with me, thats what his friends are for. I generally feel unwanted by him and not loved. When I ask him, he says he loves me, and that i'm over reacting he's even calles me mental and then that starts another row. Another problem I have, is when we were seperated I met a guy who is the most caring and loving man ever. He wanted to look after me and was generally concerned about me,(my boyfriend however isn't) we had one special night together which was lovely, but was too soon after my relationship break up, I didn't want to confuse things so I backed away, also it made me realise I missed my boyfriend. It was hard when I was seperated from him and I did miss him and thats why I got back with him. But now I listen to the names he calls me and just the lack of interest he has in my life makes me ask myself why I love him? but I do. He's my best friend, he knows everything about me and even when we argue he's still my comfort and my security and my home. The trouble is the guy I had a thing with is still in contact with me, says he wants to be with me, is concerned for me and knows my boyfriend is no good for me and part of me believes him, he applies no pressure and supports me when I make my decisions, part of me wants to be with him cos he's perfect but I'm so scared of losing everything, maybe my current boyfriend is my love and I'll lose him forever, something is stopping me leaving and its driving me mad!!! do i or don't i?
jerbear Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 But things are not great, we argue all the time I'm scared of him when he says he's going out drinking (which is only about 1 or 2 times a week now ) because of memories I have of when he used to drink heavily. He calls me horrible names when we argue and sometimes when we are not arguing. He admits to not wanting to go out and do things with me, Honestly, if he is calling you names and you are scared when he is drunk it is a potential time bomb. You might suffer physical harm oneday. Being drunk and partying around with friends is not conducive to a future or an excuse to be sorry that he hurt you. You are hesitent to move on because he is safe while the new guy is not. One does not want to be hurt again or be in a unsafe zone with someone else. It is the same idea that a older woman would not date a younger guy becuase the younger one is not established, safe, and stable. It is back to cavemen days of basic animal instinct.
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