pandnh4 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 so my gf broke up with me last wednesday... we had spoken on thursday again, in the morning over the phone, and in the evening via text messaging when she ended up confirming that it was seriously over, and then no contact throughout the weekend... on sunday afternoon, however, she calls me up because she found out that the balance to a victoria's secret gift card i gave her was zero (during the week i had returned with my receipt and exchanged it; kind of a mean thing to do, but it just didn't make sense to me anymore why she should have it if we weren't going to be together; please don't judge me on this though)... well she b*tches me out for a bit before i say i'll look into it... i didn't admit to what i did, though she was suspicious... then i ask her why the rush, who cares, how about we meet later on in the week and talk things out... she says that she just wanted to get a robe, nothing provocative, to which i respond, how about waiting a bit and maybe if we sort things out you might end up wanting to get other things instead (naturally i was hinting at reconciliation)... well she responded, i just don't think you get me and my decision... my friend suspects that this not only confirms her decision being firm, but also the fact that she was selfish and materialistic... so i deal with it, start accepting reality, go onto myspace and change my status to single (which she already did, though she kept one pic of us together as her main photo; she later told me it ws only to not draw attention)... anyway, later on she calls me that night flipping out about some changes that i made to my profile and accusing me of trying to rub things in her face (even though i still kept a pic of us too)... i talk her down, bear with her, put up with her insults and more verbal abuse while she is crying histerical, telling me she feels low, she's upset, how i scarred her, ruined her self-esteem, etc... she also continues telling me how i was not the one and the reasons that solidified her decision... she finally calms down and at one point hints at wanting to be friends cause she thinks i'm an awesome person and still wants to hang out for my birthday coming up and maybe valentine's day... i tell her it will be hard for me to be friends right now because i have to deal with my own feelings... well she gets a little more upset and then gets off the phone... why is she calling me, hurting me more? why is she making changes but calling me out on them when i do and putting me down... why does she continue tormenting me and herself and continue putting me down even though all she wants is comforting? and why do i keep yielding, picking up the phone, and being the nice guy... i need help, seriously, and more than anything need strength because this is tearing me up inside...
UT_longhorn Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 thats exactly why no contact is so important. its going to be impossible to heal as long as you and her are still in contact. she's being very selfish and using you as a parachute to let herself down easily. that way she hurts less as the breakup happens...and you get stuck in limbo. let her go. tell her to respect you and not to contact you.
Author pandnh4 Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 i know... it's just that part of me still hopes that she will eventually snap out of it and we will both awake from this horrible nightmare... she was so reluctant to go to counselling with me or couples therapy... why must she be so obtuse??? oooohh, this hurts really bad...
UT_longhorn Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 im sorry to tell you this, but you're really going to have to bite the bullet on this one and let it burn. and it'll burn...for a very long while. the best chances for reconciliation is if you maintain NC. they will at least respect you, and will have time to miss you. by maintaining contact...the chances lessen of them ever coming back.
Author pandnh4 Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 thanx for the slap of reality... this girl is really stubborn though and thinks awfully highly of herself... she is the type of person who i don't think can easily admit to a mistake or rescind on a strong decision, if anything just to stand by her thoughts, whether right or wrong... she'll do anything to support her feelings, whether it be digging up the past, opening new cans of worms, or even *bending* the truth for her friends and herself... this is so hard, plus she's writing to me on myspace telling me to stop posting my poems and thoughts... i feel like yelling at her, hey, it's my page, i can do whatever i want... but i just don't want to be mean with her... reality is, however, that she now only comes to me when she wants something (i.e., her victoria's secret card), needs something (i.e., emotional support), or feels like telling me off some more... so sad... =(
UT_longhorn Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 why does she tell you to stop posting on myspace? because youre probably writing poems that are heartbroken in nature and it makes her feel guilty. to lessen her guilt, she directs her anger torwards you. i suggest you stop the heartbroken poem thing. it will make you look sad. she needs to see you as strong. Do not use myspace as a conduit to indirectly communicate with her. i would HIGHLY advise you dont vist her myspace for at least until you are completely over her. dont let her use you as the emotional crutch. in fact...you should straight out tell her to not contact you until you contact her back. i know exactly how you feel man. i was there 3-4 weeks ago. if you break no contact..you wont heal. you'll be stuck in limbo. its that important.
pippen_2k Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Thats Gold. Good work getting your money back on the Victoria Secret Card. If anyone should be receiving gifts here its you, not the other way around. Give her nothing.
Author pandnh4 Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 i appreciate the support ut_longhorn, thank you very much... should i remove her from my top 8 in myspace? should i remove her from my friend list altogether? she is a subscriber to my blog... i wrote one poem about heartbreak last week and she b*tched me out about it so i removed it... then i posted a thought this morning on strength and courage and she wrote to me again saying it was making her cry... if she doesn't want to feel bad or guilty then why is she even visiting my page still? she's completely removed me from her pics and profile, though i still remain in her top 8... i'm sure that will change soon, who knows... i know all this sounds childish but i really feel reduced to a weekling right now this is hurting so bad... pippen_2k: thanx for the pep talk too... it's actually a good thing she checked the balance of the gift card over the phone first rather walk into a store, try some things on, walk to the register, and then they tell her there's nothing on it... she postulated this scenario over the phone yesterday and it really would've crushed her... i just played dumb though... her true colors really came out... man, i wish this were easier... all signs point to the fact that she was not an upstanding person with the best values and certainly not a good match for me... but i just miss her so much, i miss her companionship, and the routine i developed spending time with her... all i have left right now is my work, thank god i have a nice job and career... otherwise i feel so lost...
UT_longhorn Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 i would remove any and everything that reminds you or brings her thoughts up. if its her name on myspace...take it off. if you have any pictures of her...store it up. put them away. if theyre on your computer..put it in a folder..and put it away. any gifts from her...put them away. any momentos, artifacts, articles of clothing she left...ANYTHING that remotely reminds you of her...put them away. closet, attic anywhere. youre gonna be ok man. it really is going to hurt for a bit. prepare yourelf for that. but i GUARANTEE you...its gonna hurt for a much longer time if you keep any sort of contact with her. It's really about what you want. NC will help you heal.
djrdei Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 i deleted my EX from my myspace a fe weeks ago, when she noticed she was gone she calle me crying. I told her that i was mad at her for the recient events and i felt it was best to delete her.
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 i deleted my EX from my myspace a fe weeks ago, when she noticed she was gone she calle me crying. I told her that i was mad at her for the recient events and i felt it was best to delete her. NC will help you heal. Deleting her information is part of the healing process.
WindDrifter Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Good Luck Pand! She sounds quite materialistic. Just do what you need to do mate. Don't reply to her message don't do what she asks. Screw her. If she has such a problem she can go and look at the other billion websites on the internet not yours. She doesn't care for you otherwise she wouldn't be doing this. Cheers, WD
ahoymehearties Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 hello there, i just realised that no contact is the best way, im just starting to feel better after my gf drifted away from me. Its hard cause i still keep hoping that the things we talked about can still happen, i guess im only 20 so i just have to get on with it. sounds like your x gf wasnt being to good to you, you can do better my friend, i was a big idiot my x still kept sleeping with me even tho she told me she liked someone else its a long story but pretty much messed my head up so much. Nowadays ive turned into an old man, staying in drinking tea and wtching some serious telly and listening to some sad music (which actually helps) well not too sad id say more quaint than sad. Anyways i guess what im trying to say is no ocntact is best even tho i find myself nearly txtn her sometimes but a good slap in the face from my friends usually helps, oh and also do those little things that make you smile, no matter what anyone says about finding someone else dont....well not yet chances are your not ready and also even if she is with someone doesnt mean you have to rush....take some time to heal thats what im doing play some star wars battlefront ...shoot some wookies and if you prefer storm troopers lol ill shut up x
Author pandnh4 Posted February 3, 2006 Author Posted February 3, 2006 so my ex and i spoke again on wednesday and after a week apart we decided to talk things over... we spoke about several issues over the phone for a long while and finally agreed to give it a go again... she seemed so much more open and willing to work on things this time around and i felt so relieved... we met up later on that evening and i took her out for dinner and then drinks... we had such a pleasant time, then eventually went back to her place, became intimate with each other, and i spent the night there, etc... it was definitely a strange feeling being back over there after only a week apart but i felt comfort and connection... i went to work the next day and called her later on in the afternoon to see how her day was going... well, the conversation started off great, but little by little she became more and more anxious and then started bringing up issues again... for one, she said that her roommate was concerned about me and didn't feel too comfortable with us... she mentioned that her roommate had felt that i was being manipulative and trying to turn my gf against her; this is mainly because my gf misplaced/lost her wallet a while ago and the roommate overheard a conversation in which i suggested that perhaps she might be involved... fwiw, the wallet later turned up in her my gf's room, all the while i was covering her expenses and bailing her out while it was missing... i told my gf that i would speak with her roommate and try to smooth things over, in that i wasn't suggesting it was her, only asking questions and not ruling anyone out... for the record, her roommate thought that i was responsible for the missing wallet... this is upsetting to me because my gf has no qualms with her suspicion that it was my fault, plus it didn't really seem like she was sticking up for me... anyway, that's that... later on i spoke with her again over the phone; she became upset over my concerns of what she's told her roommate... i told her it's hard to come off as a good person when all she does is spill dirt and talk smack about me when she was upset with me in the past... as the anxiety started to build again, my gf began bringing up old issues again, including one in which she is uncomfortable with me tutoring a little girl (because according to her it ruins the fantasy of role-playing)... i feel like things are going right back to the way they were in which my gf picks apart every little thing that i say or do or without which tries to pick a fight with me... she then began taking stabs at me and cheap-shots, and she would continue even when i would point it out... personally, i feel like her roommate is trying to turn her against me and plant suspicious thoughts in my gf's head... i feel like she knows too much about me and our relationship that she is trying to use it against us... i also just want to work things out but my gf has the toughest time letting go of the past... with her, when it rains, it seriously pours!!! how can i deal with these issues? what can i do to smooth things over and help her move on when she doesn't want to seek help for herself or give in anywhere? am i making a mistake reconciling with her in the first place? thanx for you help, care, and advice...
djrdei Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I swear that my g/fs roommates are the reason that she changed into this person who she is now, butis really not that person at all. I knew it would happen, i knew my ex would do everything in the world for her roomamtes to like her and in the end id get the short end of it. I call her one roommate dr. phill cause she was always in my ex's **** about me and telling her stuff that i felt was something she should have no input on.
Author pandnh4 Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 well, last night i tried to talk to her roommate to smooth things over but she was just a downright b*tch with me, didn't want to listen, and slammed the door on my face... i was also surprised to see lack of support from my gf, and she actually tried defending her roommate and stressing her *valid* points... however... i am particularly concerned because my gf is intransigent on so many things and then, when we come to an agreement, she changes her mind later on until things are exactly her way... then when i cave again and she finally does get her way, she puts up more fuss and makes me feel bad for not having gone along with her the whole time... for one, she was upset about the tutoring situation... i've been sensitive to her insecurities, although they are her own, and proposed to stop tutoring young ladies... then she said oh, it's ok, just wait until the end of the semester... so i'm like fine, then when i go to the next session the following week, she gets all upset at me, doesn't return my calls, and breaks up with me for not really *knowing* what to do... like i'm some sort of mindreader!!! so after a week apart and then reconciliation, we are spending last night together... i had already agreed to stop tutoring and then she says it's ok, just give them 2 weeks notice... so i'm like fine, but later that night she says no actually, i shouldn't even go any more... so i say fine i'll just go tomorrow night and tell them face to face that i can't work with their daughter anymore and she flips out about that, saying that i shouldn't even have to go... she accuses me of not being trustworthy, calls me a pedophile, says it's f*cked up for me to even fight with her about this and that she should be more important to me than tutoring... even when i give in she insults me, belittles me, and continues to hurt me when i point out that she is being hurtful... what should i do? i think i have to break up with her, no? otherwise i am just being a serious pushover... it seems as if she has already lost all respect for me so what more is there to lose? help!!!
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