Argentina Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Will try to keep it brief and to the point. Couple of months ago met a lovely man in his late 30's and I believe we really connect. He is a farmer and lives several hours away from me, but the distance is not the problem. I have two children and have had a hysterectomy for health reasons, so unable to have any more. He has always been single and has told me that he has a niggling desire to have his own children. He knows I can't have anymore but seemed happy to continue seeing me. He has not met my children, but that wasn't really an issue to either of us. Basically, 10 days ago I called off the relationship. I told him honestly that I knew I would get more involved with him and was scared of being hurt. Scared that ultimately it would end because he wanted someone he could have children with. He told me that he did not want to use me as an interim relationship while he found "the right woman". He wants to settle down with someone. On one hand he tells me that he could learn to love someone elses kids like his own. On the other, he says he still has this niggle in the back of his mind that he would like his own children. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with no close relationship, but on the other hand how long does he wait to find the "woman to have a child". He was disappointed I cooled things off with him, but was totally understanding. We have spoken once since then, had a few text messages. Just general day to day conversation, nothing too deep. Each day I regret my decision, because maybe he could have learned to love me and my kids, but then on the other hand I know I am protecting my heart. Has anyone ever been in this position? Do I go with my heart or my head on this one? I am a practical and logical thinker, but I miss him and I am pretty sure he misses me too. What to do?
riobikini Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Dear Argentina, Is this a contract you're negotiating or a relationship? You posted that he could, maybe, 'learn' to love you. My intuition is, that despite your cool aloofness and practicality concerning this man, -you have fallen for him, and perhaps, you suspect he has, at least, some feelings of attachment towards you. If you decide to contact him and re-ignite the relationship, I do suggest you discuss ,with more emotional emphasis, and with a concerted effort to clarify the issue of having children, and what it means for both of you to have them, -or not. It just may turn out that he discovers a peculiar truth about parenting: it's the job you do, -not for whom you do the job. (Smile) -Rio
Recommended Posts