In Sync Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Every week as I go through another month of NC, (and I am proud to say I've successfully completed 3 months! YEA!) I garner a new perspective.. It's been pointed out to me, and I thought about it and saw the light in this concept....there's really only two ways a relationship with anyone can go. One is either going to stay with one's partner, lover, spouse, bf/gf in a committed realtionship 'till death do you part'... you know like in growing old together OR one is inevitably going to separate, break up and move on from the person you are enmeshed with. The struggle and pain that we all go through is not excepting these two choices. I think we never sit back and think where is this relationship going with this person I say I love. Did I honestly think my X and I were going to stay together forever??? I can admit right now my answer is No. Realizing this now, I wonder what for did I tear myself up...I created so much suffering and pain for myself by not simply seeing that. Our X's, just came to the conclusion that the relationship was not a forever one for them...they moved on. I feel better because it would have been prolonging the inevitable by staying in an an unhealthy realtionship had I kept clinging to it.
Amethyst020 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 In Sync, all I can say is "wow"! I am going thru the same thing. I felt last year that my DH had "check out of the marriage". He's not interested in a) being married and/or b) having a child. Too bad...his loss! DON'T beat yourself up. We did it because we loved the person, believed in commitment, and promised ourselves to do ALL that we can. If not for the relationship that might deteriorate but for ourselves! We are not dead in the water, stale toast, etc. You did everything you could have, tried to get answers, and failed. Only one of two things to do... 1) sit and suffer in your puddle of tears or b) pick up the pieces (as many as they may be) and move on!!! [email protected] - Gooch
riobikini Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 InSync, RE: InSync: "... there's really only two ways a relationship with anyone can go..." That was a chunk of common-sense that, like dynamite, has enough explosive power to blast out the last few remaining shreds of indecision from anyone's mind, -that is, -if it could be delivered at just the right moment. (Grin) InSync, I am glad you shared it, -and it shows that you are, indeed, moving on. Good for you! " There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos - Jim Hightower " (Smile) -Rio
soar eyes Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 The struggle and pain that we all go through is not excepting these two choices. I think we never sit back and think where is this relationship going with this person I say I love. Did I honestly think my X and I were going to stay together forever??? Funny thing is, I knew for quite a while that I would never settle down with the way my exbf was for 4 years until right before I got pregnant and he turned into this wonderful man. Then I fell hard, after he broke up with me I just focused on the meezly 8 months out of 5 years that he was truly "the one". Wow I just realized that it was only 8 months, 4years ago and I'm still missing him. I am crazy to be like this. I wasn't even like this with my exhus. I'm getting ready to go to sleep and let all of this sink in. I really think I'm getting a break thru as well after a post on "emotional aspects of the person breaking up" Goodnight
Author In Sync Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 The perpetual hanging on to the illusion of a relationship that is clearly over is what makes our moving on so difficult. It's nothing more than the sheer refusal to see that all the tears, sleepless nights, endless calls, endless IM, unanswered questions that we go over and over...will not change the outcome. EVEN if any of were to break NC and make contact with the ones we suffered for, the 2 choices remain the same. You get back together permanently or eventually face the fact...it's going to end if this person is not your soulmate. Why punish yourself when they have moved on? This is particulary addressed to all of those who been broken up from the ones who were unappreciative of us during the course of the relationship and time we were with them. Do YOU really see yourself being with that person forever? Therefore why are you wondering who they are with, and questioning how to stop missing them...it's pointless, the end result is the same. Resistance to this concept is actually wanting to stay in a state of confusion and needless hurting. Think about it like this Acceptance is a more Powerful Position to Operate From Than Pain.
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