Angelina1433 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 So I dropped the L bomb recently and my SO responded with he "really likes me" then he said he loved me too, but didn't think that saying it was important because he showed it all the time. I didn't believe it. I figure if you don't mean it, don't say it just to placate me...Now he's acting very strangely. He usually wants me to be with him all the time, whether or not he has stuff to do or not - he just wants me to be in his apartment. And now he has no time. It's only been a few months that we've been together. Did I do something wrong? Did i scare the crap out of him? I'm distraught Everything was going so well until I dropped the bomb...
clandestinidad Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I understand your worry.....I think our minds do strange things sometimes though. IMO, perhaps you were feeling uneasy by his response, and your mind has run off thinking too much. Maybe to the point where youre actively looking for clues that indicate that he doesnt love you. The problem with doing that is that we miss the other clues that indicate he does. There could be a lot of things going on in his 'other' life, work, school, whatever he does. Easier said than done, but really make efforts to think about the things he DOES do, b/c those are the genuine signs directly from him, rather than what your mind is doing on high alert right now. Can you explain what other things you have seen change? Other than not being at his place as often, and him being busy. Does he still call you? Make efforts to talk to you? Make efforts to spend time with you? Etc.....
Flicker Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 When you said the L-word, what did you want in return? Did you expect that he would feel the same and return the sentiment, or did you just want to get it out there? I remember when I said it to my boyfriend for the first time. I prefaced it with "I just have to say something and you don't have to reply...". He didn't! And I was devastated. He just hugged me and got up to have a shower. But when he returned, he burst into tears and said that he loved me too but he didn't want to say it first because he was worried he'd scare me off. Perhaps he felt pressure to return the L-word but wasn't quite there yet. This is not a unusual problem. You need to hunt this boy down and find out what the story is. Whether he feels the same way or not - you have a right to know.
witabix Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Wow, the L-bomb! Never heard it called that before. Ok, you love him, and you have told him. Now he knows, excellent. If he is scared or whatever thats his concern. You haven't "dropped a bomb" on him, you told him that you loved him. You have given him a beautiful thing, a flower, your heart. Don't be scared, be happy, let him decide what he does with it. If he is not ready, then its his loss. Hopefully it will make him think about where you are at, what to do next. You have been brave and honest and should be applauded. True love has no fear.
Author Angelina1433 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 Witabix - Thanks for your thoughtful reply! It certainly felt like a bomb with the response that I got. I know that he loves me - he certainly shows it. And he said it back, but he was angry when he said it because he was upset that he had to in order for me to know. If that makes any sense. And I will say that it took A LOT for me to say it. Yep, I was brave. I like brave. Flicker - Thanks for your reply, too! I know that he deeply cares for me, and I certainly think it's love. We'll see. I just adore him. Kat - Everything seems back to normal. Like you said, I think he just went into "recoil and I need to think about this" mode and that's why he was acting strangely. But now he's back to his sweet, "loving" self. And he is freakishly busy with work and need to remember he's not ALWAYS focusing on our relationship. But it should be high up on the list. I believe it is.
mental_traveller Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 So I dropped the L bomb recently and my SO responded with he "really likes me" then he said he loved me too, but didn't think that saying it was important because he showed it all the time. I didn't believe it. I figure if you don't mean it, don't say it just to placate me...Now he's acting very strangely. He usually wants me to be with him all the time, whether or not he has stuff to do or not - he just wants me to be in his apartment. And now he has no time. It's only been a few months that we've been together. Did I do something wrong? Did i scare the crap out of him? I'm distraught Everything was going so well until I dropped the bomb... You can't fall in love with someone in a few months, because you don't know them well enough. So yeah he's freaked out and with just cause. He almost certainly doesn't love you, but is saying it under pressure because the thinks you will expect him to say it. Because you have said it so fast, he is worrying now that you will have loads of expectations and demands about the relationship that he isn't ready for. My advice is to cool it a bit, don't mention the L word and wait for him to say it - and be patient. Women should generally wait for men to say I love you first (there are exceptions but usually it's the best way). You should never ask a guy if he loves you, if he does then he will say so when the time is right.
freckles3131 Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 What about saying "I love you" while on a second chance....Wait even longer or....less time?
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 My advice is to cool it a bit, don't mention the L word and wait for him to say it - and be patient. Women should generally wait for men to say I love you first (there are exceptions but usually it's the best way). You should never ask a guy if he loves you, if he does then he will say so when the time is right. I said it and it made her rethink her life. Unfortunately we are NC and she wants friendship where I can't offer it to her because I have feelings. She called the other day to say she was thinking about me everyday, misses me and wondering what I was doing. She wanted to take time away and said she is not ready for a romantic relationship with anyone including me. She was surprised that she called me and I returned her call. Even on a second chance, the "L" word is iffy.
basscatcher Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I told my Charlie that I love him. He says "Really", "You do", 'Hmm", "Thank you", or he will give me a giggle. He is uncomfortable with love because he has been hurt and abused because of it. I know what I feel for him. I express it to him when I am feeling it the most.. At first I was uncomfortable with his responses. I was taking them as insults or slaps in the face. But now I pay attention to how he acts towards me a little while after I've told him I love him not at that moment. I have noticed that after a few moments when his 'reaction' has softened he smiles at me, he looks into my eyes longer, he is quiet, and their is a possitive tension that you can feel between us. Last night for example: while we were taming my 'wandering uterus' and I was lost up in his tree I expressed to him that I loved him and he replied really and within less then one minute he became more passionate with me. He over took my senses and I was lost in the clouds with his passion.. Now if that wasn't expressing that he loves me then WTF.. His actions definetly spoke volumes because it was like he got this burst of affection, love, energy, passion all at once... He may have trouble saying the words but he surely doens't have a problem expressing them in the moment through his gentle touches, gazes and kisses...
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Wow, the L-bomb! Never heard it called that before. Ok, you love him, and you have told him. Now he knows, excellent. If he is scared or whatever thats his concern. You haven't "dropped a bomb" on him, you told him that you loved him. You have given him a beautiful thing, a flower, your heart. Don't be scared, be happy, let him decide what he does with it. If he is not ready, then its his loss. Hopefully it will make him think about where you are at, what to do next. You have been brave and honest and should be applauded. True love has no fear. I agree and said the "L" word and got booted to the street!
BeFree Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 I remember telling my Tony I loved him long before he said it to me. Like a year before he said it to me. At first I was freaked out he didn't say it back, but then I thought, "what's the big deal, I meant what I said and Iam not ashamed." I will never forget the way he finally told me. It was the cutest thing in the world. I am sure your SO is a little freaked out, and may put some distance. But that's ok, just give him his space and act totaly normal. He will tell you he loves you in time, and you will never forget how he said it.
Groovy Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 I was on the opposite end. My BF said it to me and I said "thank you". Man was he upset. Months later I was able to say it and mean it. I wasn't going to say it back to someone simply because they said it. The words are too sacred. People do not experience things in complete unison by the day or minute but it would be nice. This is life and we all travel at different speeds. Hopefully someday he will catch up to you.
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