fooled Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 She was walking her dog - and I drove past. Don't think she saw me. I certainly didn't stop. But I'm so freaked out. I didn't even speak to her and I feel like I'm back at Day 1. My stomach jumped up into my throat. There she was - innocently, sweetly walking her dog - and I didn't see the monster at all. It brought back every good memory - and I totally forgot all the bad stuff!! I called my best friend and cried. He reminded me of every awful thing she did and told me that I can take satisfaction that I didn't break down and talk to her. But I feel really terrible right now. I just want to go over there and hold her. Therapy time. She doesn't want me. I don't want her. She's a liar. She's an alcoholic. Please help.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 And just think about this... The poor dog is stuck with her. He can't leave. You, on the other hand, are lucky that you're not reliant on her for your basic survival needs. I do know how you feel, and what that feels like to see them, and how it can set you back. My ex lives right next door. Every day I see his car, see his light on, and have the very real possibility of running into him. I dread it. It's a constant reminder. You're very strong that you kept your wits about you and didn't talk to her. You won that test of your strength. And you did the right thing by calling your friend to shore up your resolve. Chin up, and keep the faith!
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 And just think about this... The poor dog is stuck with her. He can't leave. ..... great advice JenJen
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 ..... great advice JenJen Why, thank you, AC. Now, if I could only follow my own.
tweedle-dee Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 You had your reasons ... and I'm sure you considered whether you should stick around or not 1000 times before you decided to break up with her or not... Don't fool yourself by how she looks or acts outside, with people, when she's feeling good, think of how she was with you and her reality around you. You took a step forward, don't take a step back. I am stuck in the worst relationship of my life, I wish I have the courage to walk out, and if I do, think of it as a one way ticket. Friends are there to help, people are here to listen. You're on the right track.. No need to go back to someone who made you feel miserable..
notmakingsense Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 This is the type of scenario that reminds us all why NC is so important while our emotional state is turbulent. Many of us have been through this. As for myself, the few glimpses I've gotten were just of her car, and it still caused me to freak out. You will know when you are getting over her when you can visualize a scenario involving seeing her and it not getting to you so dramatically. I believe seeing past loves will always affect us in some way, but as time passes and we move on -- it won't rattle us to the core as it would right now. Every time I'm out and about, I think about what I would say and do if I saw my exgf. I want to be looking good, smiling, and breezily wishing her a good day as I busily keep moving on to whereever it is that I'm going.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I am stuck in the worst relationship of my life You're referring to Tweedle-dumb, right?
tweedle-dee Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 You're referring to Tweedle-dumb, right? That is exactly what I'm referring to.
Author fooled Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 You had your reasons ... and I'm sure you considered whether you should stick around or not 1000 times before you decided to break up with her or not... Don't fool yourself by how she looks or acts outside, with people, when she's feeling good, think of how she was with you and her reality around you. Nope - learning that she was sleeping with a handful of other guys made up my mind right away. Thanks for the encouragement - it was hard for me to see the reality a few hours ago. I'm okay now. By that, I mean stabilized.
coasting Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Oh I know what a set back this has on you. Ijust went through it the other day. I actually work in the same hospital as my ex and the woman he left me for. I seen them walking together the other day outside of the hospital, and it just set me way back. I honestly did not think it would, but it did. I mean I see him pretty much on a daily basis because he is a security guard in the emergency room where I am employed, and I am all right with that after 10 weeks. It is the hardesst thing to see everyday but I know that I am looking so good, that it is eating him up inside. But the fact that I seen him walking with her was awful. I immediately went into tears andthen had to literally call my counselor for an appointment. All of my friends got me through the day, and then when I went home I walked into the apartment and the first thing I thought about was that time I walked in the same door and found the note on the table staiting, he was sorry it had to be this way,, and all of his things gone! I realized again that he was a loser and that I was better off without him, andthat she was the one who would have to deal; with the cheating and all of his issues in the future. Continue to think so much better of yourself!
Author fooled Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 I must be missing something in my brain. Ever since I saw her yesterday, I've been thinking about ---------- trying to work things out. ????????????? WHY? She was never honest with her feelings - what makes me think she will now? Because she misses me? I don't know if she does or not!! She certainly has not been beating down my door to try to make up - even though I was adamant about her not contacting me. She just looked so -- unthreatening yesterday. People don't change. She is bad news, right? I don't need to hear the words to know she doesn't love me. Her actions the past year spoke for themselves. Yet - I still want to give her the benefit. I must be crazy. My friends would disown me if I did.
bluetuesday Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I must be missing something in my brain. Ever since I saw her yesterday, I've been thinking about ---------- trying to work things out. ????????????? sigh. oh, fooled. she doesn't want to work things out. she wants to f*** everyone else, lie to you, use you when she wants, stamp on your heart and... then do it all over again. i'm not going to preach. just read this. She was never honest with her feelings - what makes me think she will now? Because she misses me? She certainly has not been beating down my door to try to make up. People don't change. She is bad news. I don't need to hear the words to know she doesn't love me. Her actions the past year spoke for themselves. I must be crazy. okay, so i edited out your doubts, but you are your own advisor. look at what you wrote. i'm so sorry, seeing her is a kick in the teeth. but don't be fooled, fooled. she is a heartless bitch who doesn't love you. you KNOW this. repeat it often. then remind yourself why you've put yourself through the hell of almost a month of no contact. because you deserve better. because you deserve better. because you deserve so much better. this isn't a blip. you're still doing brilliantly. you didn't call her after seeing her. you're taking good care of yourself. don't f*** it up. and remember this. even if she was a lovely girl, even if she was all the things you once thought she was, she doesn't want you. let it go.
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