snowcap Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Hello. I'm a new user here. Here's a story I that I'd like to share: Ok, imagine this. You’re sitting at a table with some of your friends when an attractive girl sits down that you’ve seen around but you’ve never met before. As with every other conversation that you’ve ever had for more than ten minutes, the conversation slowly drifts over to Smash Brothers. Suddenly with great enthusiasm the girl jumps into the conversation and talks about how much she loves Smash Brothers too. Since about seven people in the world actually bought a GameCube, you’re the only one on campus who has Smash, and she is practically begging to play. So later that day you invite her over to play, and some of your neighbors join in on the fun. Then someone mentions that your college has bought out a movie theater for the night and they’re showing a movie that neither you nor the girl has ever seen before, but it’s gotten great reviews and everyone loves it. So you and the girl are both going to the movie tonight, and it’s starting soon. So of course you go together, sit next to each other on the bus, and sit next to each other at the theater. During the ride to the theater and at the movie you chat with the girl and make comments about the movie or how the movie relates to college life. Then on the ride back you talk some more, but it’s late so after the bus ride you part ways with her and go to sleep. The next day, Sunday, has great shows on television. But you’ve got no one to watch them with, and you want to see the girl again. So you invite her over and you both have a great time watching the shows and laughing at them, and then because you don’t want to go back to doing work you talk with her for another hour or so before it becomes obvious that work is no longer avoidable. Now it’s the weekdays, so there’s less time for social life. But you have to eat dinner with someone at some point, but do you have the guts to ask her? It doesn’t matter, she asks you to dinner. And so the two of you go to dinner every day for during the week. On Saturday you go to the nearby local marketplace with her to check out all of the cool food there. And on Sunday the shows are on again, so she comes over again. And then it’s back to the weekdays and you continue to eat with her. You also discover that she’s in one of your classes, so you sit next to her and occasionally chitchat during class about how stupid some of the things you are learning about are. And before and after class you’ll talk for a few minutes. You feel that you are establishing a strong relationship with this girl, so you decide to be like Sega and “take it to the next level!” So you ask her that instead of eating the same old crap in the same old place everyday to go out to eat instead. She agrees, and on Saturday the two of you go out to a local restaurant. You pay. Your personalities fit perfectly. The two of you are in stitches the entire meal laughing, and the long wait for the food seems like a blessing. After the meal you go back to campus via the transportation service. When you get back she invites you up to her room and the two of you look at some pictures that she has of her high school friends and she tells you stories about them. Then you play some DDR on her PlayStation, her request. After that there is some stupid presentation at the college that she wants to check out. So the two of you go to it and watch it, laughing at it and making comments and having a good time. Then the two of you wander back to your room and talk for a while, and then it’s late – 1 AM already?!?! So you walk her back to her dorm and give her a hug goodnight. And then the next day is Sunday so she comes over to watch the shows again and plays a few more rounds of Smash. Then comes two days of meals together and then Thanksgiving break. During Thanksgiving break you feel sad that you are no longer with her everyday and the image of her face, the sound of her voice, the feeling of her presence is missed, making your feelings stronger. You talk to her on the instant messenger system each day to keep in touch. You go back to school on Monday feeling happy that soon you’ll be able to see her again. You’re feeling confident – maybe it’s time to tell her how you completely feel? You walk into the class that the two of you share with each other only to find that she’s sitting between two other people and there’s no room for you. No problem, it’s probably not her fault – two people just sat down around her. Later that day you ask her to dinner and she accepts. You make your way to the eating area with her and sit down at a table. After a few minutes she looks at you with an oddly annoyed look – a look that you’ve never seen before when directed towards you. Your heart hurts because you know that something is wrong. She tells you that the new haircut that you got over break looks stupid and that you are annoying. She tells you to stop wasting your time by hanging out with her. She stops talking to you and instead starts waving to people at the other tables, ignoring you and looking around the room anxiously as if she cannot wait to leave. Meanwhile you’re in shock. You have no idea how things just went from amazing to awful. You sit there stunned as if your heart of glass was just crushed by a heart of stone. You don’t know how to react. When you’re done eating the two of you get up and go talk to these new friends that she’s just met, and you are introduced to a peppy and ‘handsome’ blonde-haired guy who is full of life and contrasts your twisted dead personality as a result of your crushed spirit. Then the two of you exit the cafeteria area and walk back towards the dorm. Your eyes are glazed, you can’t believe what’s happening and how everything has just fallen apart in what appears to be just a matter of minutes, and it has collapsed for no reason. All of the time you put into the relationship was suddenly burned in one-one thousandth of the time. You go back to your room and lie there staring at the ceiling trying to think of what you did wrong, but you cannot come up with anything. Days pass and the two of you do not see each other. You think about her all the time. You see her face laughing at your jokes with her teeth flashing, you see her shining eyes looking at you lovingly – or what you thought was lovingly – and you see her beautiful face staring at yours – but only in your mind, just the relic memories from the past. The pain of your sadness is immense. Emotionally devastated and mentally ripped to shreds, you write an entry for your site.
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Ouch... Sorry to say this, but the other guy she met probably did catch her eye. The best thing you can do for yourself is NOT to call her, email her or IM with her. Do no contact. If she is interested in you she will get intouch with you, but I wouldn't wait around for her. Try to focus on school work, hang out with your guy friends, laugh, DO fun things...The busier you are, the less you'll think of her. Hang in there, and keep posting. (Go check out some threads in the coping section, especially No Foolin's thread. Might help you abit too.)
Vincent Vega Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Wow...that's pretty harsh. But she sounds like a little girl, emotionally and mentally. Girls tend to do that kind of thing sometimes. It's like they're hungry for a certain type of guy, and once they are full they are sick of it. She just happens to get full pretty quickly. You two seeing eachother every day was way too much. You should have made a move on her too, a hug isn't gonna cut it.
Author snowcap Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 @whichwayisup - thanks for telling me to view that thread. No Foolin', whoever he is, is awesome. That made me feel a lot better, so thanks. @Vincent Vega - thanks for your comments. Everything you said was completely right.
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 You're welcome! Yeah, NF is incredible isn't he!! That thread is a winner and I've recommended it many people! Glad it's helping you! Take care and keep posting!
Curmudgeon Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Have you considered the possibility that she might have Borderline Personality Disorder. The quick shift in mood and approach is quite characteristic of it. If she is BPD, you're far better off with her exiting your life, no matter how ungraciously. Also be prepared for her to try to reel you back in when it suits her. In BPD talk that's called a "hoover" and is also characteristic.
hyakku Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 NO STOP. RIGHT NOW ALL OF YOU STOP GIVING HIM EXCUSES. STOP RIGHT NOW. YOU WILL NOT LIKE WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY BUT DEAL WITH IT. First and foremost, don't go hating the girl and saying she has disorders, its just a weak excuse to protect your frail ego, its ok to wanna protect it but you have to learn to break this shell. Second, I can tell you exactly what probably happened. SHE GOT BORED OF WAITING. Its been since BEFORE november, COME ON, were you expecting her to wait FOREVER?! The blond haired guy just stepped into the picture and you know why he's being successful? He's doing what you did in the beginning, being confident and having fun, if he takes her to the next level do you know why he will succeed? Because he didn't wait almost FOUR months to ask her out. ALMOST FOUR MONTHS, this is not HER fault, come on, FOUR MONTHS. Take this as a learning experience, don't wait forever to make your move, believe me I've been in the situation sucks. What to do? If she bugged out on you like that, cut the contact, let her come back, if she says some weird excuse be like, "Alright well I'm busy right now so maybe we'll talk later." and be able to WALK AWAY. It WAS your fault maybe she didnt wanna wait, but that does NOT allow her to treat you like crap. Cut her off, a confident man can get more women, you can do this, just learn how to not waste time next time. And please, don't use the excuse of: "She was a b*tch." "She has a problem" etc. Sure it was messed up of her to say that but you still need to recognize that waiting FOUR months to ask a woman out is ridiculous.
Author snowcap Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 @whichwayisup - yeah, his post is helpful, but I'm only in college. I can't avoid someone at school as easily as most people can in the real world. @Curmudgeon - she did show "quick shift in mood," but I doubt that she has a disorder. Although other people told me back when we were "together" that she has serious mood changes. @hyakku - I agree with you that labeling her as someone with a disorder is probably just an excuse. However, this relationship did not last four months. The entire story took place in a span of no more than five weeks. It ended in November, but it took me a while to perfect the story and be able to make it into a post like it is today.
hyakku Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Well thanks for making me look like an ass >_<. Seriously. Still Five weeks is still a long time, but now I can approach this from a different perspective. First off, exactly what have you been doing for the past four months? Ignoring her? Making small talk, etc? Again it really seems like she just got tired of waiting a month of waiting can do something if you aren't holding the attraction, and maybe she was just drunk, but still, you don't need that drama in your life if she is gonna flip out like that. Still man a month is long.
Author snowcap Posted February 2, 2006 Author Posted February 2, 2006 hyakku, sorry for making you look like an ass. I didn't mean to, haha. I agree with you that, although four months is much longer, one month is still a substantial amount of time and that it is my fault for not making a move. Also, she wasn't drunk; she doesn't drink. Except during winter break, I have seen her every day for the past four months. At some random point each day we pass each other outside or in the halls. Sometimes we say "hi" to each other, sometimes we don't. It's awkward, but I can't avoid her because I go to a small college with a small campus. It is inevitable that I will see her each day. Apart from saying hello we've ignored each other. My neighbor was in my room and instant messanged her once in December. My neighbor typed her name, she responded with, "yes?" and then I got my neighbor off of my computer and typed back "nothing" and I immediatly closed the program down. I blocked her for two months until I decided to unblock her for some reason. And that's all of the contact that there has been.
tanbark813 Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Yeah man, your mistake was never making a move. 5 weeks and you didn't try anything? She got tired of waiting. When she asked you to dinner you probably could have kissed her. When you were hanging out in her dorm room you definitely could have kissed her. Live and learn. Don't let the opportunity pass by next time. Carpe Diem!
hyakku Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 You could have kissed her on the first date, again though its over now. Maybe you should just keep up the no talkin for another month or so, and in this time, go through a reform. Do whatever it takes to become a better date, and a better man. WHATEVER IT TAKES. Some suggestions. David DeAngelos stuff: Double Your Dating E-Book Attraction Isn't a choice E-Book Advanced Series CD/DVD Mastery Series CD/DVD (You can use this for life, not just for women). Some other guy: Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's completely fearless Seduction Guide. (or something like that). Again these aren't books with, "The cool pickup lines and openers that will have women swooning over you". These things are much deeper, they don't teach you to be a jerk (In fact stress not becoming one), and you will live a lot healthier life (not for women, but for yourself, trust me on this one, the name was just made cuz it was a catchy name, its much deeper). Again, meet some guys who are successful with women, learn from them. Cut off relationships from friends who are pessimistic, you wanna be optimistic, enjoy life, and again, do whatever it takes.
Author snowcap Posted February 3, 2006 Author Posted February 3, 2006 @tanbark813 - yeah, you're right. Thanks a lot for your advice, man. @hyakku - so you're suggesting that I improve for a month and then reestablish contact? But that's the exact opposite of No Foolin's thread that says to avoid any contact at all costs. Then again, I think that No Foolin's thread doesn't really apply to college. Also thanks for your ideas for e-books. I searched the e-book titles on a search engine and I read the introduction pages. But I don't think that I'm going to spend money on this.
DWJK Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Wow.. just move on It takes way too much time and effort to try and change the way a women thinks about you after she's already made and judgement on your character In the time that you were trying to change her opinion about you, you could be out meeting new people, and possiblity a girl thats more fufilling than her.
Author snowcap Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 DWJK, you're right. But I am curious as to what exactly happened just because the events that occurred were puzzling, not necessarily because I want to get back with her.
hyakku Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 DWJK, you're right. But I am curious as to what exactly happened just because the events that occurred were puzzling, not necessarily because I want to get back with her. Whats your AIM/MSN I can "help" you find the e books.
Author snowcap Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 @hyakku - sorry for the delayed response. If you still come here, you can contact me on AIM at "anhinga215" @everyone who read the thread - I just checked my calendar, this only lasted EIGHTEEN DAYS, not five months or five weeks @moderators - now that I've looked around the forums more, I see that this thread actually might belong in the Coping forum. If you'd like to move it there, that's fine by me.
Author snowcap Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Well people, it's been five long months since this all happened. I was on strict no contact for all that time, but six days ago she approached me and apologized for what she did. She said that she felt badly about how she treated me and that she was sorry. What should I do now? Should I confront her about how much she hurt me? Should I ask her as to why she said what she said? Or should I take these feelings and mysteries to my grave?
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