thromback Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Here's the story summed up. My mother gave me an attitude several times so I called her a bitch, now I have to pay $350 and I'm not allowed to get my permit. I'm 16 yrs old. The reason I would have to pay $350 would be that I can't take drivers ed because I don't have a permit. My mom is also forcing my dad not to pick me up after school so I can't do the clubs. I'm president of posititve edge and I'm in karate club. If I don't have a ride home there's no way to do them and if i miss too mnay meetings ill be impeached so to say. I want to be able to get my permit and what not. The reason I called her a bitch is because she was yelling at me over me asking whats for dinner and said get the hell out of here what are you doing in the kitchen (I wonder people go in the kitchen to eat?)! I'm guessing she was pmsing and then I called her a bitch. She didn't let me explain to my father what happend she just says I'm not giving a disrespetful person a chance to speak. I really think I'm just stuck with this I do not want to apologize if I am not sorry too because I think she deserved it. Thanks Any suggestions so i can drive and stay in my clubs?
Citizen Erased Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Im sorry to say it, but you will have tho give her what she wants, an apology. Some Parents dont realise it, but they can treat their kids like crap and when their kids give it back to them, they say they are being disrespectful when the parent in fact may have been doing something to not gain respect in the first place! You really shouldnt call your mother a bitch though so just explain to her that you were overreacting and you are sorry. It is quite simple. Sometimes the only way to end conflict is to just apologise. Trust me, if you want peace and her money just say sorry 1
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 If you were my kid, and you exhibited that incredible level of disrespect towards me, you wouldn't get a driver's license until you were 18! You have every right to say, "Mom, what you just said to me hurt my feelings", but you do not have a right to call your mother profane, disrespectful names. Grow up. Until you do, you have no business being behind the wheel of a car. 1
Author thromback Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 If you were my kid, and you exhibited that incredible level of disrespect towards me, you wouldn't get a driver's license until you were 18! You have every right to say, "Mom, what you just said to me hurt my feelings", but you do not have a right to call your mother profane, disrespectful names. Grow up. Until you do, you have no business being behind the wheel of a car. This is true, but how I see it is I treat people how they treat me you have to realize I didn't just run up to her and call her a bitch. I even said at first can you please not talk to me like that and she continued, no way am I saying I was correct for calling her a bitch, but look at it this way just becasue your a parent it doesnt give you a right to treat anybody especially your kids disrespectfully. I guess I'll have to lie and say I'm sorry when I honestly am not.
clandestinidad Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Some Parents dont realise it, but they can treat their kids like crap and when their kids give it back to them, they say they are being disrespectful when the parent in fact may have been doing something to not gain respect in the first place! I totally agree with that. I delt with a lot of crap from my parents, and after a while would throw it back at them like you did. Its really not fair treatment. People cannot expect to be treated a certain way when they spend a lot of their time treating them like $hit. That said, it is still important to respect them simply because they are the parent. They may not necessarily be a good person, but they are still your authority and can take and give to you whatever they want. Its give an take, really. Life is all about that. You do certain things to get certain things, even though you dont always want to do it. Its about sacrifice too. And swallowing pride. So, I suggest swallowing your pride about this situation. Yes, she may have been acting like a bitch, but its not nice to say that to ANYone especially your mother who loves you and works hard for you. I think when this happens again, it would be much more effective to say something like 'Youre not being very nice right now', or 'Is something wrong'. That way youre calling attention to her behavior, rather than calling her names. Anyway, just say youre sorry that you hurt her feelings, listen to the nagging crap she'll probably lay on you (a big female thing), and then in time you'll get what you wanted. (sometimes in life you just have to kiss a$$ to get what you want)
lilmoma1973 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I agree with all the posters that you are being disrespectful and shouldn't have called your mom a BITCH!! I can't blame her for the way she is acting you was wrong suck it up and apologize .. It will make things better for you in the long run..
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Kat is right. If you focus your response to your mom on how what she says to you makes you feel, rather than just dishing out names and disrespect, not only does that show her how mature you are, but you will get a much better response in return. Remember, you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
Becoming Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 no way am I saying I was correct for calling her a bitch, There's your apology: "I was completely out of line and disrespectful for calling you a bitch. I'm sorry." Regardless of how stupid or bad the other people around you are behaving, you have the power of choosing how you will respond. This is an awesome power not to be taken lightly. You can choose to retaliate, respond in kind, escalate (the way of war which only destroys all within the vicinity) OR you can choose to be kind, compassionate, just, and respectful (which often leads to healing of a bad situation). YOU are responsible for your behavior. Her behavior did not cause you to call her a name. It was not her breath that forced its way over your vocal cords, nor her lips that formed the word bitch. It was yours, and you are responsible for your behavior regardless of what anyone else does. YOU choose how to behave and what to say. So step up and take responsibility and apologize. The other person is responsible for their actions and beyond your control. Learn this lesson and you'll have grown up decades. Too bad it sounds like you're gonna have to learn this lesson on your own instead of from your own mother, but we've all got problems. You can either contribute to them or help be part of the solution. It sounds to me like you really want to be part of the solution, so I know you'll do the right thing. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 You respect her, she'll respect you. Don't call your mother a bitch. You're 16 years old. Who buys your clothes? Puts food on the table? Who's house are you living in? Do you help out around the house? Do laundry, set the table, do the dishes, clean your room, do nice things - Just offer to help? If not, start doing that. Be responsible, give her no reason to get angry with you. The more you accept her for who she is, don't react to her - The more she will respect you back and maybe lighten up. Parents are parents, mom's are mom's...Sometimes as much as it might bug the crap out of you - Ya just gotta suck it up and play the game...Which means, saying sorry and listening to her. It's hard to do, but if you want some freedom and you want their trust, you have to do your part too. Becomings advice is perfect, as well as everybody else who has posted on your thread. I can promise you, if you stay calm - Think before you speak and really control yourself around her (Meaning, no outburts and also be short, sweet and to the point with her...Don't give out too much information. The less you say the better for you and she can't react upon it and feed from it.) Eventually by doing this, maybe a nice friendship with your mom will form. She'll relax, see you for who you are, see that you are responsible and a hard worker. Gotta give abit too, remember that.
Author thromback Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 Yea I guess so, but I'm basically denied because I got an f on my midterm I need to get it signed tonight, so there's no way I'm taking drivers ed. I want to forge it but if my teacher calls im done, I did apologize and she said that it's too late so I just said ok.
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Sorry about the f and I'm glad you're not going to forge that signature. Honestly if you do that, you're gonna make it worse. As hard as it will be, work your tail off and SHOW her that you are responsible, doing well in school and deserve your license. If you don't, you can kiss the drivers Ed goodbye.
Becoming Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I did apologize and she said that it's too late so I just said ok. Ouch! Didn't that hurt? Good for you for not retaliating. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're gonna have to parent yourself and learn some lessons on your own. You've come to a good place. Wish I'd had LS when I was 16 and my parents were checked out or raging. So what're ya gonna do to bring that F up? Maybe outlining the plan when you get it signed will help prevent some of the anger your parents may lob at you.
Flicker Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 It sounds to me like your Mother IS being a bitch. Just because people have children, doesn't mean that they are great parents or even great people. I know how you feel, I've been there. What I did was kept my head down, had as little to do with my parents as possible and counted down the days until I could move out. As for your problem now, is it possible to have a word to you father? If he can't help you with a ride (to what seem to me to be worthwhile after school activities) is there anyone else? Someone from one of the groups who gets a ride home? Bus? Bike? Think outside the square.
Ladyehawk Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 I'm sorry your mom said it was too late. I understand that it took a lot for you to apologise to her. But being the parent of a 16 yr old, I think I would have done more than just deny a learner's permit, I think some grounding would have been in order. That being said, I think for you to have said that to her in the first place that there are underlying issues here. I think you need to sit down and talk to your mom about whatever issues you think need to be addressed and listen to her responses, see if you can see where she's coming from. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, and being a mom is even harder. Speaking for myself -- My life revolves around my kids -- consider what your mom may have given up or sacraficed so you could have what you needed or wanted. We always put our kids first, and we only want the best for them. Sometimes that sentiment gets lost in translation. Just something to think about. You sound like a good kid. I hope it all works out between you and your mom.
Lil Honey Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 On one hand, there are parents that treat their kids like crap. OTOH, there are kids who treat their parents like crap. It's very possible that your mom had a horrible day and you being underfoot in the kitchen only "set her off." Granted, she didn't have to ask, "What the hell are you doing?" BUT asking her about dinner may have made her feel that she wasn't getting it on the table fast enough. It would have been better for you to go in and ask if there was something you could help her with - cut veggies, set the table, etc. You mention that your are in Positive Edge and Karate. I'm assuming that "The Bitch" and your dad pay for your after-school activities. I can guarantee that had you called me that (not to mention the failing grade) you wouldn't get a driving permit, either. I say that you should take a look at HER life and all that she does to afford you what you want. I say that you should apologize - and it should be sincere. The lack of a driving permit will give you a lot of time to study and improve your grades. Remember . . . life isn't easy, so don't expect it to be. I think she's doing you a favor and you won't see it until you are older.
SmoochieFace Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 *brings back some childhood memories* I dunno... sounds like Mommy is getting a *free pass* here. She can cuss at her son and act like a loon but when it bounces right back in her face she fruits yet again. My Mommy Dearest was a nut quite a few times and she needed to be *corrected* and I did the honours. Spoiled little brat she was... either she was out spending Daddy's money or she was sitting at home watching those dumbass soaps. Never went out and contributed anything to the household kitty... even I started working when I was fifteen and took care of my own *beep*. It got to the point where I didn't *want* her doing a damn thing for me. No laundry, no dinner, no cleaning up. I decided to do all those things for myself since she used them as a way to demand respect. Yeah, respect after she emotionally abused me. Suuure... she REALLY is worthy of *respect*. Well, I sure as *beep* blew the whistle on her little con game.
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