Author amerikajin Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 I'm so angry at myself. My ego keeps killing relationships that I do want and getting me into relationships that I don't. I think there's a bottle of whiskey with my name on it somewhere around here.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 My ego keeps killing relationships when dealing with women one must keep his ego in check. the ego will ALWAYS get you into trouble because it is not objective. the ego is totally biased.... with women one must be as objective as possible try to keep emotions out of it.
Author amerikajin Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 Can you give me examples of things I can do to keep my ego out of relationships? Even if it seems obvious...because it's obviously not obvious to me.
blind_otter Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 You had like 3 dates with this woman. You have no idea if it was a "good thing" or not, it never got to that point, and NO just because you got along at work does not mean she couldn't turn into needy psychobitch in relationships. Or maybe she compulsively uses babytalk in the bedroom. My point is -- you have no idea! You're idealizing this in your head for some reason. What?
alphamale Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Can you give me examples of things I can do to keep my ego out of relationships? well you can start by thinking of women as comodities, not unlike gasoline or plasma TVs....they are all replaceable. think of each woman, irregardless of her qualites or physical attributes, as the same. if one blows you off you move on to the next. be a computer. don't think too much. think shark. the shark moves thru the water eating everything in sight and not thinking about it. it does not discriminate. be smart, be objective. make yourself a machine who just gobbles up women. this is the way i work
elijahBailey Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Amerikajin, dude, I wouldn't say it's yer ego that's stumbling you. I just finished the entire thread. And one thing blantantly obvious here is that the entire episode has been a one-way traffic right from the beginning. You were makin' all the moves and she was just sittin' pretty. There's probably not a woman in this world who doesn't appreciate any kinda male attention thrown at her. From the beginning, things are usually 50/50. So, you made the 1st date. Right after that, you shoulda backed off and made her wait. How long? ... the longer the better. What the f*** does that achieve? Well, it lets the girl know that she ain't the only girl out there and you aren't losing sleep over her. Although I don't agree with Alpha about women being commodities (well, that's just Alpha ), I dig what he's sayin'..... => don't get your feelings involved too early..... it'll break you and the vibes you send will be bad. One way not to get your feelings involved too early is to date a lot of women... a LOT! It distracts you from any one woman so you don't become obsessed with her. And, if she finds out that yer dating other women, well, good, cuz it conveys a message to her that you've got options.
Author amerikajin Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 Yeah, I know that theory about dating multiple women and for a while I was doing that. But I found that it was hard for me to take any single one of them seriously, which is why I stopped doing it. I'm at a point in my life where I don't want love to be some kind of game. But that is one definite advantage to the playing the field strategy...I definitely did not give a flyin flip if I lost one. That was also the problem...I just couldn't get into any one of them. About her 'sittin pretty'... yeah, I definitely felt that way at times. I think she's pretty and she knows it, and she'd occasionally make the odd comment to that affect 'Well, there's this bar and sometimes I got in for free, tee hee hee'. She wasn't really obnoxious about it, but there were ways she would say things that would make me wonder. I think women know when they've got the 'upper hand' in a relationship, and that's something that plays itself out rather quickly.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 this is the way i work And your goal are long-term relationships? Why should anybody who wants a long-term relationship listen to you?
alphamale Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Yeah, I know that theory about dating multiple women and for a while I was doing that. But I found that it was hard for me to take any single one of them seriously, I think that is the point...If youre dating 3 women casually at the same time you don't spend too much emotional time or energy on any one of the three. Then, after 3 or 6 months you can pick the one that likes you the most and that you like the most. Its the "all the eggs in one basket" theory... I'm at a point in my life where I don't want love to be some kind of game. love will always be a "game". most women know this instinctually. if you don't play the game you cannot win and you cannot lose...its a risk-averse thought process that won't get you anywhere. I think she's pretty and she knows it, and she'd occasionally make the odd comment to that affect 'Well, there's this bar and sometimes I got in for free, tee hee hee'. the prettier they are the more indifffernt you need to be, and the less emotionally invested you are the better with the hotties.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Amerikajin, dude, I wouldn't say it's yer ego that's stumbling you. I just finished the entire thread. And one thing blantantly obvious here is that the entire episode has been a one-way traffic right from the beginning. You were makin' all the moves and she was just sittin' pretty. There's probably not a woman in this world who doesn't appreciate any kinda male attention thrown at her. Usually we just sit there, because we are not really into the guy or because at one point we decided that he was not the right one for us. Could be that we didn't like some part of his character, could be that he was indeed too needy, but usually it's not because he didn't do step A in the second date or didn't kiss us on the first one. It distracts you from any one woman so you don't become obsessed with her. And, if she finds out that yer dating other women, well, good, cuz it conveys a message to her that you've got options. If I was really into the guy I would think he's an a**h*** for doing this.
tanbark813 Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 she'd occasionally make the odd comment to that affect 'Well, there's this bar and sometimes I got in for free, tee hee hee'. That's when you say, "Really? Wow, they'll let anybody in," in a playful tone with a s***-eating grin. If you say it confidently and playfully she'd eat it up.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 About her 'sittin pretty'... yeah, I definitely felt that way at times. I think she's pretty and she knows it, and she'd occasionally make the odd comment to that affect 'Well, there's this bar and sometimes I got in for free, tee hee hee'. She wasn't really obnoxious about it, but there were ways she would say things that would make me wonder. I think women know when they've got the 'upper hand' in a relationship, and that's something that plays itself out rather quickly. Personally I think you fell for a superficial person for superficial reasons. In none of your posts did I read about a sincere interest in this girl. I also think that you concentrated your efforts on the wrong things. My guess is, girls like her fall for guys with whom they have a real connection (which she didn't have with you) or they fall for someone who is able to trigger feelings of lust.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 And your goal are long-term relationships? yes, specifically for the man to decide whether he wants a LTR with that particular woman... Why should anybody who wants a long-term relationship listen to you? because I show them how to get to the LTR stage. My methods work for me...I usually don't have women split or take off. I usually end up leaving them after I get bored. Better they get burned than me.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 because I show them how to get to the LTR stage. My methods work for me...I usually don't have women split or take off. I usually end up leaving them after I get bored. Better they get burned than me. Your method doesn't work, because all you attract are women that you do not want to date, that in fact you don't respect the least, because they are falling for your slimey tricks.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Your method doesn't work, sure it does, you know that already... because all you attract are women that you do not want to date, i don't waste my time with women that have nothing to offer me. there is always something in it for me otherwise I wouldn't be with her. that in fact you don't respect the least, some I respect, some I don't....its hard to tell until I know them for at least 3 or 4 months or longer... because they are falling for your slimey tricks. i believe that's spelled "slimy"
blind_otter Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Yeah, I know that theory about dating multiple women and for a while I was doing that. But I found that it was hard for me to take any single one of them seriously, which is why I stopped doing it. I'm at a point in my life where I don't want love to be some kind of game. But that is one definite advantage to the playing the field strategy...I definitely did not give a flyin flip if I lost one. That was also the problem...I just couldn't get into any one of them. About her 'sittin pretty'... yeah, I definitely felt that way at times. I think she's pretty and she knows it, and she'd occasionally make the odd comment to that affect 'Well, there's this bar and sometimes I got in for free, tee hee hee'. She wasn't really obnoxious about it, but there were ways she would say things that would make me wonder. I think women know when they've got the 'upper hand' in a relationship, and that's something that plays itself out rather quickly. Listen, amer, if you read this thread from the beginning you can totally see how you think yourself into corners and immobilize yourself with options and indecision. Everything you do seems too studied, in terms of this girl. I would rather be with a dude who is real with me...even if I don't like everything about him, his realness is what makes me attracted. Balance. You got into this girl way too fast. 3 dates should not make you this upset, bubby.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 i don't waste my time with women that have nothing to offer me. there is always something in it for me otherwise I wouldn't be with her. Come on, you are with her for a while and then you get bored. some I respect, some I don't....its hard to tell until I know them for at least 3 or 4 months or longer... Sure... i believe that's spelled "slimy" And my name is loony.
elijahBailey Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 It distracts you from any one woman so you don't become obsessed with her. And, if she finds out that yer dating other women, well, good, cuz it conveys a message to her that you've got options. If I was really into the guy I would think he's an a**h*** for doing this. Yes you would, but you'd be workin' harder for this a**h***. Women say one thing but think another. What makes a woman (or even us men) run is knowing that the guy (or girl) is sooooo totally into you. Hey, where's the chase? Where is the mystery? I've always wondered why it's this way, but it's just the way we all are.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Yes you would, but you'd be workin' harder for this a**h***. Women say one thing but think another. What makes a woman (or even us men) run is knowing that the guy (or girl) is sooooo totally into you. Hey, where's the chase? Where is the mystery? Honestly, the picture of my perfect man does not include him being so emotionally callous that he is able to date a thousand different women at the same time. So, I guess, I would just get out and look for someone else. I usually have my standards and I think the only time I did not maintain them was when I was way too much in love.
blind_otter Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Yes you would, but you'd be workin' harder for this a**h***. Women say one thing but think another. What makes a woman (or even us men) run is knowing that the guy (or girl) is sooooo totally into you. Hey, where's the chase? Where is the mystery? I've always wondered why it's this way, but it's just the way we all are. That's bunk, babycakes. I mean it may be true for some. Maybe the type of woman you'd like to attract. If I feel there's too much mystery or chase I get nervous, anxious, jittery, insecure, uncomfortable, and then I dump the guy. Also, when you say women say one thing but want another, I have to say that's dangerously close to the "yes means no" mindset. Which is great if you want to be accused of sexual assault or whatever. And there is no "way we all are" honey.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 If I feel there's too much mystery or chase I get nervous, anxious, jittery, insecure, uncomfortable, and then I dump the guy. I'm exactly the same way. I don't take too much anxiety and nervousness too well. It's just contradictory to building up the feelings of closeness and intimacy that I need to feel comfortable with someone and to want this person.
elijahBailey Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 That's bunk, babycakes. I mean it may be true for some. Maybe the type of woman you'd like to attract. If I feel there's too much mystery or chase I get nervous, anxious, jittery, insecure, uncomfortable, and then I dump the guy. So you like a guy who texts you everyday telling you how he is totally into you. Ok, it's your call. But my girl friends tell me it freaks 'em out. Also, when you say women say one thing but want another, I have to say that's dangerously close to the "yes means no" mindset. Which is great if you want to be accused of sexual assault or whatever. It's comments like this that pisses the shyt out me. You've totally taken things out of context. Write with your mind, not your emotions, baby. Where on freakin' earth did I even remotely imply that "yes means no"!!!! Get a life! If anything, what I meant was that we often say things we don't mean. AND, that applies to men AND women!!! Sheesh....
blind_otter Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 So you like a guy who texts you everyday telling you how he is totally into you. Ok, it's your call. But my girl friends tell me it freaks 'em out. I think text messages are asinine in general. I refuse to own a cellphone. But that's beside the point. I don't need conversations rehashing something that has already been established, either. The repetition is the issue, not the sentiment. To feel the need to repeat it means you don't feel it, IMO. I like the actions and the words. I don't mind getting a call in the middle of teh day just to tell me I'm loved. Where on freakin' earth did I even remotely imply that "yes means no"!!!! Get a life! If anything, what I meant was that we often say things we don't mean. AND, that applies to men AND women!!! Sheesh.... I'm sorry, did you not write this? Women say one thing but think another. thanks so much!
elijahBailey Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I'm sorry, did you not write this? Women say one thing but think another. Yes, I did. And so do man. Happy? Where on earth did the "yes means no" come from? It's one thing being contradictory with your thoughts and words. But it's just plain wrong saying that it'll lead to "sexual assault or whatever". Don't be presumptous. Don't wrongly accuse another person. I'm done with your playing with words!!!
alphamale Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I'm exactly the same way. I don't take too much anxiety and nervousness too well. Anxiety and nervousness are some of the factors that create attraction to another. Do you not know this? If a potential partner does not create some form of anxiety and nervousness in you then you'd better move on to someone who does cause that ain't the right person!
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