preferwhispers Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Hi, My ongoing story is posted on this thread as "another sordid tale." In a nutshell, like many people here, she left me and I'm coping and trying to keep reconciliation a possibility to the extent that I can. I have a specific question for advice. We have quite a bit of eachother's stuff. I know she wants it back (some of it is her tax information). It's been 3 days, and I have the feeling that she is soon going to call and followup on that. I have already resolved to not answer the phone, etc. But obviously I can't go strict NC until the stuff has been exchanged. My current thinking is to return her call eventually, and suggest that we exchange stuff in a week or so, rather than right away. I would rather see her when things have set in a little more, for her as well as for me. I figure it also can't be bad that she will discover I'm not jumping at the chance to see her for any reason at all and lend me some additional confidence. On the other hand, I don't want her to think that I'm trying to keep her stuff so that she can't really get away. I don't want to inadvertantly appear desperate by trying to appear distant. What do you think?
salmagundi Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Easy, put all her stuff in a box. Call up a mutual friend and ask them to come over and pick it up and give it to the ex. The ex can then leave your stuff on your doorstep or call up another friend or whatever.
jennifer1983 Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Well it really depends on what you want. If you feel like you two may have a chance at getting back together then that would be a good way to be able to see her. If you don't want to get back together then just ask someone who knows you both to get your things from her and vice versa. This way you won't have to see each other and she will have the stuff that she needs. At least either way she will get her stuff back and you will get your stuff back also.
Author preferwhispers Posted January 29, 2006 Author Posted January 29, 2006 I think there's a chance, albeit small. I would kind of like the idea of meeting up after a little more time has passed. Meeting now would be fruitless, I'd like to see how we both feel in a week. The box/mutual friend idea is good, but it eliminates that chance I'm holding on to. Maybe I'm putting to much weight on it. It's so funny how situations like this make you analyze every last detail of every interaction.
jennifer1983 Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Oh yes I agree...coming from one who analyzes every little detail I believe that last statement 100%. My problem is when I go thru a breakup I tend to "forget" the problems we had and the reasons for the breakup. So just think about why it was that y'all broke up and if it is still something worth working on then go for it.
Author preferwhispers Posted January 29, 2006 Author Posted January 29, 2006 I'm hijacking my own thread. (and still curious whether others think that asking her to wait a week is too much) But yes, it is so easy to forget about the problems. It is similarly easy to forget about the times when I thought it might be best for the relationship to end. And the times when I was out with guys and briefly thought: "man, i kind of wish i didn't have a girlfriend." Those things did happen, and there were problems. I need to actively try to remember them now. On the other hand, a week ago I didn't think once about all the great qualities she has, all the happy moments, our exciting plans, and the small mistakes I was making and how simple and intelligent it would be to repair them. Instead, I wait until it is over and then think about all of those things. It's hard to put it in prospective. An analogy popped into my head: Imagine you move into this great new apartment. Marble counters, new applicances, hardwood floors, floor-to-cieling windows, you get the idea. It's fantastic. But then you realize the front door sticks when you try to open it. It's so annoying. Every day you think about that stupid door sticking and eventually start to get really pissed off every time you open that door. Sometimes it ruins your whole day. You complain to the landlord. You write him notes, telephone messages, bang on his door at night. Then you get evicted. Now you're sleeping on a friend's couch wondering whether you'll ever find an apartment that great again.
jennifer1983 Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Ha, I love that analogy and it is so true I will have to use that one sometime. Good point.
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