fooled Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 It's been 3 weeks. I no longer feel that sharp pain, but I am still on a rollercoaster daily. I don't feel her presence in my apartment any longer, but when friends come over and knock - I open the door and am disappointed it's not her. What I am missing is an ILLUSION - not reality. I am frustrated that I cannot accept this reality. That when we were a couple, whenever I wasn't around her she was making plans with other men. Telling them that we broke up and was free to date. I know that she never loved me or respected me. I don't fool myself into thinking she's missing me. But I still have daydreams of reconciling - even though I could never be happy with her again, knowing what I know. Those daydreams shatter when I think about her behavior and how I was treated. Then I hurt. And I don't know which is worse - the irrational longing or the real pain. I have so much work to get done this weekend - and I am not doing it, because my brain keeps wandering back to her. Why can't I accept that she was a horrible person and feel lucky I'm free?
CaliGuy Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 What you miss might not even be her, but the companionship. She left a big hole in your life. What was your life is no more. Unfortunately we have to move on. I get the same way as you sometimes. I keep telling myself not to think about her because frankly, she doesn't deserve any space in my mind (that's reserved for people I care about and people that care about me!). Idle minds will drift into the past and what was. Try to keep yourself as busy as you can. Heck, go buy World of Warcraft! I know it's kept my mind off her and when I go to bed I try and make my last thoughts things I like to do, not her and the space that's left behind.
pippen_2k Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Dont be so hard on yourself Fooled, like you said its only been 3 weeks. Thats nothing! These emotional rollercoasters can last for months and months so I wouldnt be putting a time limit on these feelings you are experiencing. At first, the days seem like years... but as time goes on the trend reverses. Your doin ok, but no need to question yourself in to why you aint happy after 3 weeks. If you were feeling good by now id really question the sincerity of your relationship
sick of it Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Yea fooled, im going on 8 months and my mind still wanders. There is no time limit. It must be the companionship because I do feel a giant empty space. Nothing i do seems to fill it, work, friends, school, nothing. We all need that one person to confide in and be vulnerable to. I know ive lost it and theres no one else i would wnat there right now, but i know thats whats missing. i always question how "filling" that space is so difficult...even the idea of it, but the ex has no problem. I dont know. Time Time Time.
Author fooled Posted January 29, 2006 Author Posted January 29, 2006 Yes, I do miss the companionship - and the illusion that she loved me. I also miss her eccentricities - there were tons and I adored them all. Don't get me wrong - I am not putting her on a pedestal - it's just I'm a sucker for the little things. I want to go outside and do something, but I have to get some work done - and that's an inside gig. Obviously, I'm not since I keep checking LS. If I go for a walk, I'm afraid I'll end up at her place. And that would be B-A-D.
CaliGuy Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Don't go to her place. How about hanging out with friends, going to the gym or skiing? Anything, get yourself active and get out with friends. Did so yesterday and had a great time. Hardly thought about her at all.
Author fooled Posted January 29, 2006 Author Posted January 29, 2006 I'm supposed to be hanging with friends tonight - unless plans fall through - you know L.A.
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