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can i cheat to get even with my cheating husband?


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overcominglife
Posted

I recently found out that my husband's internet affair with many girls. We went through a big storm, I spent every night and day crying and dringking.

He told me that when my husband married to his ex wife , his ex wife made a big deal of his female friends, involved in assault, so i just assumed that she was a very jealousy woman. But now i understand that he was having affair with many girls and disquise it as a friendship.

And he says because they live in other country, he cant meet them, why do i sweat about that? he says that he wont do it again? but i just found that he joined in penpal friend site(why does he need a penpal? )

 

i am a christian, and the bible says adultery is a big sin. in my opinion internet affair or flirting with somebody else other than spouse is a sin.

 

i want to cheat on him,too. if he is a habitual cheater, why do i have to sweat on his helpless behavior , why dont i just go out myself and make a boyfriend for me? but i have a baby. i dont want her to have both pathetic cheating parents, nor crying mommy over her cheating father.

 

i dont think he can heal from his life long quest of young girls.

i think i have to leave him soon.

 

which is better? poverty stricken single mom? or heartbroken wife ?

Posted

I understand you feel frustrated and betrayed, and maybe even a natural reaction to want to do to him what he has done to you. However 2 wrongs don't make a right. IMO I feel if you did that it would make things worse and wouldn't solve anything at all. Have you suggested or thought about marraige counseling for you both? Do you feel this is a fixable situation? I say talk with him about how all this makes you feel, and suggest marriage counseling to him and see what he has to say.

 

 

 

 

Jade

Posted
i am a christian, and the bible says adultery is a big sin. in my opinion internet affair or flirting with somebody else other than spouse is a sin.
It's an emotional affair. You should seek Marriage Counceling, not another affair.

 

Don't you think this world has enough sin in it? You're a Christian, you know the answer.......

Posted

but I wouldn't suggest it. As a Christian, why add guilt to your already full plate of sadness and resentment? Who and what will be served by that?

 

Being a single mother isn't easy but it's doable. Making it on your own without having betrayed your values will always permit you to hold your head high and forever after honestly say, "No regrets!"

Posted

Been ther done that. Even know you think it will make you feel better, (like "see, I can do it too"). After a while you'll feel sorta cheap. Also, if you would only be having an affair to get back at him it will hurt you even more if he doesn't even care.

I did this sorta thing after he cheated I slept with someone else to hurt him. It really messed with me that he didn't even care.

 

Respect yourself dont do it.

Posted

Overcominglife,

 

What do you mean by "internet affair with many girls"? Did you see his emails? Were they regular friendly messages or sleazy you're-so-hot emails? I guess they were the latter type, because his ex divorved him because of this, and he would hide it from you.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't do anything that would make me feel bad. So I wouldn't have an emotional nor physical affair. If you have an affair, your daughter or others will learn about it one day and it will only hurt you, and make him a poor husband.

 

You could have a internet friendship with some man. Nothing inappropriate - just friendly messages and exchanging some family pictures. For you it would be a way to relax, and take your revenge. It wouldn't equal his sleazy emails, sure, but would make him feel a bit the way you do. On the other hand, he may think that now you are even and continue his cheap emails. If you go for such an internet friendship, keep it well documented.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
Overcominglife,

 

You could have a internet friendship with some man. Nothing inappropriate - just friendly messages and exchanging some family pictures. For you it would be a way to relax, and take your revenge. It wouldn't equal his sleazy emails, sure, but would make him feel a bit the way you do. On the other hand, he may think that now you are even and continue his cheap emails. If you go for such an internet friendship, keep it well documented.

 

By no means should you have an "internet friendship" with a man because that is not what you would be having. Based on this thread, you would start out trying to have an 'appropriate' relationship, but it will get out of hand. Trust me, my wife tried it with a guy she met on the business trip and soon enough she was making 7 hour drives and booking airline tickets to go see him. It all started innocently enough, but it got out of hand. Now our marriage and the future of our 2 young boys is at risk. DON'T DO IT. I would suggest that every married couple try to rebuild their relationship, but if you are not going to try to, then do not involve yourself with another guy until you are out of this relationship.

 

May God Bless and Comfort You,

B

Posted

 

which is better? poverty stricken single mom? or heartbroken wife ?

 

My response to the above questions is that poverty stricken single mom is better if it means choosing between a life of infidelity and being alone. At least as a poverty stricken single mom you can work to improve your life and you know that it WILL get better. As a heartbroken wife all you have to look forward to is always being heartbroken. Think about the life your baby deserves..and happiness is important to all involved.

 

My suggestion is to get some marital counseling to resolve these issues. I am also a Christian and believe that the vows of marriage should be taken seriously. But this requires that you both are willing to put God first in your life and do the things to strengthen your relationship. You should not accept his inappropriate behavior. More importantly, an eye for an eye isn't going to help the situation either. Step out on your faith and know that God will take of you regardless of the decision you make.

Posted

I have been in the same situation as you are in now..caught my husband on internet dating sites/chat rooms. I got into his email and scanned them for about a month..and printed them out as evidence,then confronted him.

You said you were entertaining the thought of getting even with him,revenge affair-why sink to his level?

 

 

which is better? poverty stricken single mom? or heartbroken wife ?

 

I haven't read all the replies..but my response is-cut out the poverty stricken,and if the only thing that can fire you up is your daughter,let that be motivation enough to do all the hardwork to support you and her.

Posted

Simple answer to a simple question. No you cant.

I just found out my wife was cheating on me and yes I was tempted to go out and **** the first woman that would come my way.

But it wouldnt make any difference. It wont make you feel any better in the long run. In fact you would probably feel reel bad very soon.

 

Be true to your own morals. Honour is something you have, don't loose your own honour for the sake of such a simple revenge.

Posted

You can't ever get even. It's not that kind of game.

"i dont think he can heal from his life long quest of young girls.

i think i have to leave him soon.

 

which is better? poverty stricken single mom? or heartbroken wife ?"

 

There you go. You know you have to leave, but you don't have to be any of those other things. How about "Smart, strong and capable woman" ? Those are the skills you need to keep moving. You might not have a lot of money, but poverty stricken is temporary, staying in a bad marriage is 100% worse and a HUGE waste of your energy and life. Don't waste another minute. go. now.

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