fooled Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 I feel horrible. The past few days I have awakened to anxiety that increases during the afternoon. Today, I actually added her back on MSN - and she was online. I freaked and deleted her immediately. I feel like I'm going to burst. It's irrational. We have nothing to say to each other. If she even wanted to hear from me, she would ask me why I would want to be with a person who treated me like she did. And she would be right. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks of NC and I feel just as lost now as I did at the beginning. I don't know why I long for her and what I hope to gain by it or her. There is no repairing our relationship - even if she said she would do anything to keep me - I wouldn't believe her - she's said that before, plus she's a liar) I re-read No Foolin's essay. I'm re-reading everything about NC. I'm going a little nuts today.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 Hang in there you have done it this long and you will be able to do it even longer.. I know it will be hard but you are well on your way!! Just come and post here when you get the urge to contact her in anyway.. Good luck and want to congratulate you on no contact in 3 wks !!
CaliGuy Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 I feel horrible. The past few days I have awakened to anxiety that increases during the afternoon. Today, I actually added her back on MSN - and she was online. I freaked and deleted her immediately. I feel like I'm going to burst. It's irrational. We have nothing to say to each other. If she even wanted to hear from me, she would ask me why I would want to be with a person who treated me like she did. And she would be right. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks of NC and I feel just as lost now as I did at the beginning. I don't know why I long for her and what I hope to gain by it or her. There is no repairing our relationship - even if she said she would do anything to keep me - I wouldn't believe her - she's said that before, plus she's a liar) I re-read No Foolin's essay. I'm re-reading everything about NC. I'm going a little nuts today. Fooled, it sucks. I know how you feel. Do you have someone close to you that you can talk to? The only thing I would suggest that might help is to write down a list of all the things you hate about her. Keep the list handy and when you start to think about her refer to that list. Hope it helps.
Walking away Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 It is hard to "let that last leaf fall" in a relationship breakup. I was where you were last year. Didn't think I could survive without my ex. I didn't sleep, didn't eat, cried for 3 months. I grieved heavily, and now my heart doesn't even skip a beat when I think about him. I guess my mind FINALLY got sick of giving him control of me. It is a horrible place where you are. I can feel the physical pain even today as I read your post. If someone would have told me that I would be where I am today, I would have laughed in their face. I remember telling my friends when I was in the "thick" of my grief that all I could see in front of me was "black." That's how palpable my grief was. YOU WILL HEAL, AND SOONER THAN YOU THINK. I wish there was a quick remedy for heartache. YOU are doing great. There will be good days and bad days. Take care of yourself and know that tomorrow will be better.
Author fooled Posted January 27, 2006 Author Posted January 27, 2006 Thanks, everyone! WTH was I thinking?????? I just remembered what she did 3 weeks ago today. And a few weeks before that. And a week before that. And so on.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 Thanks, everyone! WTH was I thinking?????? I just remembered what she did 3 weeks ago today. And a few weeks before that. And a week before that. And so on. Keep thinking that way so you want to contact her!!
Author fooled Posted January 27, 2006 Author Posted January 27, 2006 Now I'm just hurt. Rats. She's stupid.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 Now I'm just hurt. Rats. She's stupid. Sorry to hear that her loss and someone else's gain!! Cheer up you have LS to vent if you need to...
Author fooled Posted January 28, 2006 Author Posted January 28, 2006 I don't know why I'm so weak today. I won't call her - but it's not because I don't want to - it's just a force of will. And it's painful!
bluetuesday Posted January 28, 2006 Posted January 28, 2006 hey fooled. man, this sucks donkey dick. no contact is horribly hard, but you're doing brilliantly. and most importantly, you're three weeks closer to complete recovery. ugh, being lonesome is vile but it's much, much worse to cave in. while you don't contact her you know you are taking all the power back for yourself - all the power she robbed you of when she was trying to f*** your friends behind your back. trust me, you don't want, heaped on top of the misery you're already feeling, to give her the chance to punch you in the guts again. you're on the road out of that hell. don't look back. i can't stress this enough. you're not alone. i don't know you at all and yet i keep checking back to see how you're doing! that's how strongly i believe you can conquer this. that's how much i want to support you. you're an inspiration to all NCers. don't you dare give up! a bitch slap is pretty hard to achieve over a broadband connection, but i'll try if you think about giving up again. a hug is hard to achieve too, but have one all the same and know i'm rooting for you to keep on going. (((((fooled)))))
Author fooled Posted January 28, 2006 Author Posted January 28, 2006 Thanks, Blue. And I think you all know me pretty well now
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