hyakku Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Wow this thread got crapped on. First things first, don't post that book up here, thats illegal and I think you'd be pretty pissed if you worked on a book for months or years and someone started giving it out free. Second, I never said don't do any NICE things, but don't do them every day, it takes away from the Romance, if you can't see this I don't think I can explain it any more clearly. Its not romantic if its habitual. Chivalry is a totally different thing, opening doors, walking on the outside of the street, pulling out chairs, etc., those are things that should be done because they are charming and a good thing to do. Those aren't lines that are canned into your head, canned lines are TERRIBLE, they make things boring and like you are reading a script, those are just lines that I posted here because I've heard them used succesfully. On the woman thing, I'm not being a woman hater or a single parent hater, where are you getting ANY of these from? It only takes a bit of logic to realize that its true, men being raised by women will naturally be more feminine then men being raised by men. Again, women raise boys who will make good husbands, but again, women don't go to clubs thinking, "Man I hope I meet my next husband here." This isn't saying all the time, but a man raising a man will certainly make a more masculine man than a femile, thats just logical. It is funny, cocky and funny is not the end all be all like most men put it, its more of an attitude then going, "Alright let me throw out line FOUR!" and using some canned line. Theres much more to the dating world that that. Blue I certainly didn't say that they can't raise a good family, I dunno where you thought I said that, seeing as how I was raised for basically 15 years alone by my mother, and I can be a testament that I often had alot more different mannerisms then guys who were raised by their fathers when I hit high school. Being a gentleman is a GREAT way to meet women, but being a "nice guy" is not. Totally different. Finally to this comment: This stuff about teasing the women. Oh, thats like hitting me over the head with a piece of wood and laughing at my expense. Or saying mean words and then following with " Oh I am just kidding " ( for the record you are NOT kidding but following the truth backed by sarcasm ) I personally don't think teasing is funny. Why do you have to tease her ? Would you like to be teased ? Some times in rare moments a good friend can say something jokingly and you both laugh because you know she loves you. But a man who has to tease his date and use old cheesy lines because he read it in a book. Well I would tell you its not funny and neither are your pre-fab lines. Get a new approach . I'm sorry this isn't meant to hurt you, but if you can't take playful jokes than many men would find you wayy to sensitive. I'm not saying walk up to a woman and go, "hey your fat, just kidding." I think you have the wrong idea of the teasing I'm talking about. Teasing is just a simple joke, or a witty retort to something someone says, it happens between guys and guys or women and guys or women and women. An example of teasing would be like when a guy tells maybe a taboo style joke or he PLAYFULLY jokes on a woman and she gives him one of those arm hits and the, "You're an a**h***" line with a smile. Thats the type of teasing I'm talking about, I'm not quite sure what you thought I meant. And yes I DO like getting teased by women shows that there interested and have a sense of humor, a woman who is overly serious is just a bore and I wouldn't have much fun with her anyway.
lindya Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Please get help. Ditto. Might also be an idea to print out this thread and show it to your girlfriend. If she's cool with the stuff you're saying here, then more fool her (cough).... I mean, that's up to her...
Woggle Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Ditto. Might also be an idea to print out this thread and show it to your girlfriend. If she's cool with the stuff you're saying here, then more fool her (cough).... I mean, that's up to her... She hates feminists just as much as I do.
mrB2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 I thought this thread was to help Resentment. Now, it has gotten down to 'feminazis', controversial books, and other irrelevant things. Sorry Resentment. Just my two cents MrB
lindya Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 I thought this thread was to help Resentment. Now, it has gotten down to 'feminazis', controversial books, and other irrelevant things. I didn't get the impression Resentment was asking for help - more just sharing his theory about dating strategies. When someone suggests that nice guys finish last, it's difficult not to draw from that the implicit suggestion that men should be less nice towards women. That's why these "nice guy" threads (and there are many of them on Loveshack) often end up in a bit of a free for all.
amerikajin Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Women don't want an a**h***...they want a nice guy who is an a**h*** when he has to be.
cygny Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Women don't want an a**h***...they want a nice guy who is an a**h*** when he has to be. you may have something there amer, lol spines are more than a male fashion accessory
Mary3 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 An example of teasing would be like when a guy tells maybe a taboo style joke or he PLAYFULLY jokes on a woman and she gives him one of those arm hits and the, "You're an a**h***" line with a smile. Thats the type of teasing I'm talking about, -------------- Oh so lets give an example of a Taboo style joke : Two cousins were having sex ( taboo ) and ...oh just kidding and then I hit you on the arm" ? So a girl is bore who doesnt let you tell lame jokes and take sucker punches ? Maybe some women like to get teased but I don't. There are things that are funny and some things that are just Mean. Teasing to me is immature and soooo... Middle School. Tell me a joke . Make me laugh. But don't tease . Its just lame.
amerikajin Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I think the wisdom of teasing depends on the purpose behind it and the degree of class you show in doing it. Personally, I like a little bit of teasing, and I don't mind being teased myself. I think it shows that a person doesn't take themselves too, too seriously. I don't think I could date a woman who didn't like a little round of banter.
Outcast Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 There's mean-spirited 'teasing' and then there's fun, lighthearted teasing. Nothing wron gwith the latter.
alphamale Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Women don't want an a**h***...they want a nice guy who is an a**h*** when he has to be. actually AMERIKAJIN i would take it one step further....women want a man who knows how to behave in each and every situation. and somethimes that means being a dick if its in the right situation. for example....if a woman is being disrespectful or taking advantage of her man (for whatever reason/situation) and he lets her get away with it or does or says nothing then that is the wrong behaviour for him for that context and she will eventually lose respect for him. 1
SmoochieFace Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. This thread demonstrates, once again, that myths and outright bullshyt thrive merrily here on LS. Wog, dude, you need help. Serious help. I think not only are you misogynistic you are also a bit paranoid. Acting as if women are *out to get you* and all that crap. Take a hint - not ALL women are like your Mommy.
amerikajin Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 or example....if a woman is being disrespectful or taking advantage of her man (for whatever reason/situation) and he lets her get away with it or does or says nothing then that is the wrong behaviour for him for that context and she will eventually lose respect for him. Exactly, ALPHAMALE! On the serious tip, I couldn't agree more. Women - especially beautiful women - will test their men to see what they're made of. Bend over backwards to please her and you'll get stepped on.
Yamaha Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 The Nice Guy is nice; to some degree, he likes everyone. He just wants somebody to give him half a chance. If you capture a Nice Guy's heart, there's no real worry behind getting or holding his attention; he'll unconditionally be there. However, while the Nice Guy will always be there, and be there in the best possible way, there's no compelling reason to be drawn to him. His greatest strength is his greatest weakness; by being nice to everyone, no one thinks that a Nice Guy might actually like them specifically. The same stability that makes him a great long-term partner makes him the bottom of a barrel on a Saturday night. Nice Guys try to be: chivalrous gentlemen who can control themselves and rise above the fray of reckless "hormone dating." Nice Guys want something substantive, built on more than a cute smile and compatible hormones; something deep, not superficial; something real, not an uncertain façade. Nice Guys are always on the lookout for the perfect "girl next door": you know, someone who's "just friends" until, one day, they discover that their feelings run more deeply than simple friendship. Nice Guys want someone to love who'll love 'em back, who can be as committed to them as they are to others - someone who likes the nice treatment enough that they want it there for them always. Nice Guys can be, to an extent, "used". Many girls seek Nice Guys' support and attention - but with a strict mindset that these guys can be no more than "just friends." By being a Nice Guy's superfriend yet having a studly boyfriend on the side, some women get the best of both worlds - and the Nice Guy gets shafted in the process. Here's how it works: Say that there's some average girl arbitrarily named "Mary." Mary has a Nice Guy friend, "Bob." Mary and Bob get along great together; they have no problem sitting down and discussing life, love, angst, and philosophy. Mary really enjoys having Bob's close company - a guy who can actually talk emotions! - and hangs around with him increasingly often. By the same token, Bob really enjoys having Mary around; he's thrilled that he's found a girl who not only passively likes him, but actively seeks out his advice and friendship. Both Bob and Mary seem to like each other a lot; a match made in heaven, right? Har. How naive. Sure, Mary likes being around Bob, but let's face it: Bob doesn't strike her fancy on a "suave and desirable" level. Sure, she likes talking to him, and likes hearing from him, but Bob the Boyfriend? She perishes at the thought. Bob's certainly nice enough and is more than friendly, but he just isn't what she wants in a date: someone tall, dark, and handsome. So while Bob provides her emotional support, Mary goes off and starts dating "Chuck," a brainless slag of muscle on the football team. From Mary's point of view, this is a win-win situation. On the one hand, she has found herself an attractive Macho Man boyfriend in Chuck; admittedly, he's not that smart, and he's not that loving, but hey - who needs sensitivity if the man's got looks? On the other hand, she gets all the attention and "feel-good" emotions that she needs from Bob; Bob cares for her, chats with her, and makes her feel wanted and up-spirited. She's got great love and great sex; who could ask for anything more? On the flip side of the coin, Bob loses out. On the one hand, he's very attracted to Mary; Mary talks to him enough and seems to like him a lot - could she be The One that finally sees the light of Nice Guy benevolence? On the other hand, her actions befuddle him greatly: if she likes him so much, why date Chuck? If she cares as much as she says she does, why is she fraternizing with an emotionless womanizer like him? Her actions make no sense to him; does she want a sensitive guy, or doesn't she? As a result, Bob can react in many different ways - none of them positive, none of them productive. Bob can try to push harder and precipitate a relationship à la The Emotional Parabola; this will do nothing but scare Mary off, yielding him nothing and costing him a friendship in the process. Bob can choose to "wait out the storm" and hope that Mary and Chuck break off their relationship; in Bob's mind, that would create a prime opportunity to show Mary how Macho Men hurt her like Nice Guys never could. Of course, in practice, this fails to follow through; only Mary's circumstances have changed - not her mindset about "befriend Nice Guys, but date Macho Men." Before long, Mary is with another simple-minded studmuffin "Dirk"; Bob's hopes are disintegrated once again. Bob the Nice Guy gets screwed: either he waits through a string of beefcake boyfriends for the break in the action that will never come, tries to force the issue and end up destroying a perfectly good friendship, or gets tired of waiting and sets his sights elsewhere. Either way, he gets no soulmate; the Nice Guy loses out once again. Most guys want to get close to you; Nice Guys want to feel close to you. It's a subtle difference most people don't pick up on; it's another reason Nice Guys feel out-of-place and misunderstood. The Nice Guy's one and only hope: Maturity. Time. Time for people to get sick of dating around. Time for people to realize that bouncing from fling to fling loses its appeal after a while. Time for people to stop searching for perfection and settle for pretty damn good. Time for people to reevaluate their lives and figure out what's more important: lust or loyalty. Time for people to realize that everyone has limits, and that even the most loyal Nice Guys will lose patience eventually. Time for people to value Nice Guys as something special. Long live the "nice guy". Now. Lets end the posts on how nice guys finish last. PLEASE... 1
amerikajin Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Yamaha, That post should be the last word on the subject. That was awesome, brotha! Well-said.
alphamale Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Long live the "nice guy". Now. Lets end the posts on how nice guys finish last. PLEASE... not just yet YAMAHA....
SmoochieFace Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Yamaha's post was good - and it also reaffirms my belief that I would rather be alone than play these BS games.
loony Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 This Mary doesn't like macho men. She also thinks that these paranoid wannabe-ex-doormats who feel the need to constantly reasserted themselve and tell everyone that they are not going to let women walk all over them again are quite uncool. A guy who tells himself that sometimes he has to be a jerk because otherwise his girlfriend will not respect him must not be the brightest one. Give me a smack on my head the day I assume that I need to act like a bitch once in a while in order to keep my boyfriend in check, that would not be the person I wanted to stay with in the long run.
CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 actually AMERIKAJIN i would take it one step further....women want a man who knows how to behave in each and every situation. and somethimes that means being a dick if its in the right situation. for example....if a woman is being disrespectful or taking advantage of her man (for whatever reason/situation) and he lets her get away with it or does or says nothing then that is the wrong behaviour for him for that context and she will eventually lose respect for him. And the sad part is once she loses respect for you it's nearly impossible to gain it back, even if you are doing nc.
SmoochieFace Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 And the sad part is once she loses respect for you it's nearly impossible to gain it back, even if you are doing nc. Why would you want to gain back the respect of a person who lost respect for you? To me, that is pointless and a waste of time. If someone loses respect for me, oh well. I move on. I don't get hung up on people who don't respect me - in fact, I don't give them anything. If you're *doing NC* what difference does it make anyway?
CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Why would you want to gain back the respect of a person who lost respect for you? To me, that is pointless and a waste of time. If someone loses respect for me, oh well. I move on. I don't get hung up on people who don't respect me - in fact, I don't give them anything. If you're *doing NC* what difference does it make anyway? True. But if they want to reconcile later, it would be hard without the mutual respect.
SmoochieFace Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 True. But if they want to reconcile later, it would be hard without the mutual respect. I don't believe in *reconciliation*. When it's over, it's over. It's better for me to move on... ride into the sunset and never look back.
CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 I don't believe in *reconciliation*. When it's over, it's over. It's better for me to move on... ride into the sunset and never look back. While I believe the odds of a successful reconcilliation are low, people change, circumstances change and there is always a chance it will happen. However, if you've lost respect in their eyes chances are it won't. I do believe in reconcilliations if and only if the problems that lead to the breakup are resolved.
SmoochieFace Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 While I believe the odds of a successful reconcilliation are low, people change, circumstances change and there is always a chance it will happen. However, if you've lost respect in their eyes chances are it won't. I do believe in reconcilliations if and only if the problems that lead to the breakup are resolved. The fact that the odds are low is a major factor in my decision to just move on. In my experience, some people will *change* but it's only a temporary fix. Eventually, they will go back to their usual selves. I neither need nor want that drama.
CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 The fact that the odds are low is a major factor in my decision to just move on. In my experience, some people will *change* but it's only a temporary fix. Eventually, they will go back to their usual selves. I neither need nor want that drama. If they changed for them, yes. If they changed for themselves, I think the odds are greater for success. If not with the ex, with any future relationships.
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