lindya Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 well LINDYA, good loooking people know about this because they get it all the time. what about average looking or ugly people who get no eye contact? what about nerdy people? what about soically inept people? what about grossly obese people? Right - so we have an "ugly, nerdy, socially inept and grossly obese" guy who wants to get a girlfriend. My advice to him, before he even thinks about putting himself out on the dating scene, is the following: 1. Embark on a healthy living campaign to get into better shape. 2. Try to identify the causes of the social ineptness. Encourage him to look at his lifestyle and consider factors that might be exacerbating it. 3. Some new clothes and a hair cut for a confidence boost. 4. Read up on current affairs. Practice having conversations with people he meets on an every day basis (the woman in the corner shop, the guy who mans the reception desk at his work etc etc). Taking that guy as he is, hurling him into the snake pit that is your average meat-market bar and telling him to apply the compliment/insult tactic on a beautiful woman is just a recipe for disaster...and could result in him being psychologically (or even physically, if it's a pub in Glasgow) scarred. He needs to take baby steps in improving his physical appearance and increasing his ability to socialise in every day situations.
loony Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 well LINDYA, good loooking people know about this because they get it all the time. what about average looking or ugly people who get no eye contact? what about nerdy people? what about soically inept people? what about grossly obese people? If it was about helping people to overcome personal and social obstacles for finding a good partner I wouldn't mind, but it seems many people in the dating game are just out for an ego stroke and use these techniques to manipulate others. They want to be able to pick up as many women as possible, not find the right partner. The woman becomes objectified and what counts is her place on the hotness range. If she is hot and is emotionally dependent on him she provides him with good feelings about himself and he gets a feeling of power.
alphamale Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 The woman becomes objectified and what counts is her place on the hotness range. so what LOONEY? men are "objectified" everyday....what counts is their place on the social scale and how much $$$ they make or have.
loony Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 so what LOONEY? men are "objectified" everyday....what counts is their place on the social scale and how much $$$ they make or have. Then you should avoid these women just like women should avoid these men.
alphamale Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Then you should avoid these women so then I should avoid attractive women? is that what you're saying?
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I'm just saying that women generally are not as focused on sex or taken in by alot of the BS a male thinks makes him successful with her. Yes a woman can give as good as she gets. Pursue a guy, screw his brains out, then dump his ass. Women can be players too. Very true. Guy could be used as spring board. Some of us lack this..... we are more likely to eat our young. Doh! yes, not unlike sushi umm... seaweed! From what I've read on these boards, the manuals simplify women into a set of instincts and emotions that can be easily manipulated. In the same way, books like "The Rules" simplify men. Much as the tactics advocated by those books might be consistent with some basic psychological principles, it doesn't sound as if they pay any heed to the need for genuine warmth to develop between two people in a romantic relationship. I flicked through the Rules once - and it seemed very sterile and old fashioned. It was hard for me to imagine a duller person than the "Creature unlike any other" that it advocated women should become. I believe the author is now divorced. I do not believe women should become "what they should become" I believe in genuine warmth to develop romantic relationship. Compromise, goals, sharing one's desires, and future is what is should contain. At the end of the day, both (+ family) is what matters. it doesn't sound as if they pay any heed to the need for genuine warmth to develop between two people in a romantic relationship. If they wanted a quick relationship, a swing or bar would do. I personally believe in a romantic relationship not a fly by night one. for people who "aren't in the know" these books may be a good place to start...what's wrong with self improvement? I have to admit I did buy some books to get an idea. I also made a sanity check with a good female friend to make sure it made sense. Hence, once lost a bet to her and had to buy her a designer dress (she looked hot BTW) anyway... check the info and yes for someone "not in the know" finding out women are different than men; helps. After that - for the first few dates it's strictly about fun. Beyond that, you're looking at a relationship possibly developing...in which case I think John Gray's books do a good job of exploring male/female relationships and common mistakes both parties make. The difference with his book is that it's written from a mature perspective and on the assumption that the people reading it want to create happy, healthy relationships rather than unhappy, dysfunctional power imbalances I've read the book, gave me some insight. Gave me the ability to compromise and see the big picture. I can. The initial interest is created by eye contact and the usual flirtatious body language. Not always eye contact first. Yes it matters. Depending on time frame, situation, and social class, an closed fan indicates she is interested. An open fan says no. A touch of the hand may give sparks which leads to other things. Going for the same item for instance. For nerdy, geeky, (i.e. me sometimes) it could be that cheesy line that makes the girl fall.
loony Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 so then I should avoid attractive women? is that what you're saying? Are you saying all attractive women are greedy? I bet now you're going to say, "According to my experience most women who are attractive are greedy and use their attractiveness to get a guy buy them things." yadda, yadda,...
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 so what LOONEY? men are "objectified" everyday....what counts is their place on the social scale and how much $$$ they make or have. Been there done that, in college and HS. Even now I'm still compared to an Investment Banker. I've bumped into some old classmates, they are now married and didn't expect me to be better. I get objectified as being to educated, undereducated, poor, "phat", and why have a vanity plate on a "cute" suv. Nice guys with determination, goals, and alphamale tendencies can ONEDAY get the girl. Yes, improve their social scale and $$$.
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Are you saying all attractive women are greedy? I bet now you're going to say, "According to my experience most women who are attractive are greedy and use their attractiveness to get a guy buy them things." yadda, yadda,... I've seen guys give them stuff just to get their favor. I would sometimes step in and rudely say, she is not interested. Guys get upset and ask who I am and I said her friend, she walks away with me. She is a friend but still amazing what people would do. I guess being the designated wall flower driver helps. 1
alphamale Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I've seen guys give them stuff just to get their favor. I would sometimes step in and rudely say, she is not interested. Guys get upset and ask who I am and I said her friend, she walks away with me. She is a friend but still amazing what people would do. I guess being the designated wall flower driver helps. how cute...maybe you can be the "nice guy" poster child
loony Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 how cute...maybe you can be the "nice guy" poster child Man, stop acting like this is your hunting ground...
SmoochieFace Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 ...our goal is to keep the race going, you don't want a ton of WEAK males running out there because when danger strikes, guess what will happen? They will all be wiped out, its necessary that both men and women have instincts to allow them to survive and pass on their genes, and therefore continue the human race, mating with a weak mate will screw your chances up further to pass on your genetics. So explain this then... why are *nice guys* considered *weak*? What is it about them that would make them poor candidates for propagating the species? Is there something about their sperm that is lacking somehow? Are you suggesting that women avoid *nice guys* for fear that if they mate with them they will produce stillborn or defective children? Explain it, please...
SmoochieFace Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 how cute...maybe you can be the "nice guy" poster child I think you're a tad jealous. I can see that happening to you. You approach a *hottie* and Jerbear says "Uh-huh, dude... she doesn't want you" and then he and his female friend walk off together smiling and laughing. Hell, I'd pay to see that. It's fun watching arrogant egos get squashed.
alphamale Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Man, stop acting like this is your hunting ground...
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Obviously you would want the man to do the initiation... because no one enjoys doing the initiation unless they're really full of confidence or don't care about being rejected by the person. Women who are aggressive (confidance, maturity) are attractive to men as well. Yes, men would like to sit back and let the women hit on them instead too, but they don't usually have the luxury. Men are pressured into pursuing women because they'll be called losers if they can't get female attention. Self-entiteled comments like yours are what make me have resentment towards women. It's so easy to be a woman in this day and age. Pampered and spoiled with everyone licking your boots. Well I do have to say, for the type of woman I want as a mate, wife, mother of our children. I better initiate. I pursued older, intelligent, beautiful women, career focused, business minded; and guess what? They want a guy to step up and say I like you, can I interest you in a drink/dinner/walk/proposition/etc... They deal with men all the time and honestly behind all that cold, hard exterior; deep down inside, we are all human beings and seek affection, love, self, desires, needs, etc... Yes she is intelligent, yes she is beautiful, yes she is educated, yes she is independent, yes she is an alpha female; well I like it and chase them. What I would do is lick their booty but not their boots. Unless it is a fetish, keep your dignity. Also gives me a reason to stand back and re-evaluate my stance. Improve myself to chase and is it worth it. Most guys (including me) would give up. Giving up before trying is 100% failure! Trying at least gives you a chance to get bruised and letting her heal you. It depends on the woman and what one is looking for. I personally don't want a housewife. Reality, I might end up being a househusband. You do what you have to do.
SmoochieFace Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I don't pursue women - and it doesn't indicate *weakness*. In fact, I consider it a strength to not be suckered into the BS *games*. If I wasn't with my GF I would be quite happy living alone far away from the crowds. Relationships are NOT a necessity.
basscatcher Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor
alphamale Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Reality, I might end up being a househusband. yes, good way to get respect from the females....the man cooking and cleaning and wiping the toddlers bottom.
SmoochieFace Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor So what are you saying - that *type* of men do not exist? Or all three of those qualities cannot possibly be found in a single man?
basscatcher Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 So what are you saying - that *type* of men do not exist? Or all three of those qualities cannot possibly be found in a single man? Nope.. RARE...... There usually is more to it then just those '3'. Which makes him complicated if he comes in my life..
dgiirl Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor HAHAHAHAH
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 yes, good way to get respect from the females....the man cooking and cleaning and wiping the toddlers bottom. Yes I've been there done that as a single living by myself; cook and clean; I gotta be fed somehow. As an uncle, yes it not easy handling toxic wastes from toddlers! Now I want a wife and kids to cook, clean for, and yes wipe toddlers' bottoms. I don't cook and clean because I can (and don't want to); but because I live under the same roof as a family. Yes I can do dishes without a dish washing machine. I can bring home the canadian bacon, virginia ham, or prosciutto. If she brings home more, oh well... 1
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor I was thinking Sean Connery but then tought of SNL Jeopardy skits. You're right about them rumor mill.s
alphamale Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor actuallly it should be more like: Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: Something that most women would have no idea WTF to do with!
cygny Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 [/i] actuallly it should be more like: Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: Something that most women would have no idea WTF to do with! i have more than a few ideas (wink wink)... send him over here
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