pandnh4 Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 hey everyone... my gf for over 7 months has decided to put her foot down this time and is really serious about breaking up... we've been fighting alot more over the past couple of months and have had several break-ups and make-ups... we've both been unreasonable at times in our own ways: name-calling, contempt, jealousy, resentment, degrading, etc... lately she has been crying alot, getting worked up over the littlest things (imho), demanding, and passive-aggressive... in an attempt to change my own ways, i've been keeping my mouth shut, holding back my temper, and taken a verbal beating for the past several weeks whenever something comes up that she's unhappy about... she is displeased about some of my female friends (to the point where she's asked me to cut them off), she disapproves of me tutoring a young girl (who she thinks ruins the fantasy of role-playing schoolgirl and teacher with me), she picks apart every little thing i do (and don't do), and constantly brings up things from the past... yet she claims she loves me and thinks i'm an awesome person... when we are together and i am able to calm her down and bear with her issues, things are fine... the moment i am gone, however, the slightest thing will set her off to the point that she starts up again, resenting me, not getting in touch with me or returning my calls, etc... a couple of days ago i went over to her place and she lashed out on me again and in all the drama decided to call for a break-up, once and for all... she says that i should know what to do, how to be, and should never make her feel jealous... matter of fact, she says that anyone who makes her feel jealous doesn't deserve to be with her... according to her, i should be this way, that way, say this, say that... she says that she's never been this way before and never had this problem or so much drama... she also states that she doesn't like who she's become and blames me for it... when i tell her that there are plenty of possible reasons to justify her feelings (such as her diet, her birth control, her drinking, etc...) she lashes out again saying that she's fine... she claims that i've ruined her self-esteem and even though i've been trying to help her restore it, she continues to be difficult with me... i've suggested couples therapy but that gets her more frazzled, nothing works... my therapist believes that she lost her trust in me a while back through some vicious things that i've said and done and, as a result, she is punishing me still... she may be impossible to reach out to anymore as the damage may be severe... she may be incapable of loving me anymore and growing with me... is there no solution? i know that all logic says that she is spoiled (read my other threads if you are interested; search my username), that she refuses to accept responsibility by constantly pushing all the blame to me, and has deep-rooted resentment that makes her feel like hurting me, etc... is there really no way to repair things or restore her trust in me? how can i get through to her? she's made her decision already and will barely talk to me but i still love her and this is really killing me... i can't eat, sleep, or get anything done at work... please help, any insight or support...
blind_otter Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 I don't know what to tell you. What is it exactly that you want back? The nastiness? The arguments? I'm interested to hear replies. Things got like this between me and my exBF. I kept asking him what he was trying to salvage, after all the s*** we did to each other...what can be done? I broke up with my ex after many arguments and fights. I did pick at him. Honestly, it was because it really wasn't there any more. The trust disappeared after a few bad incidents and we tried to stay together because we loved each other. But love ain't enough. Never has been never will be. Once there is too much water under the bridge, the bridge will collapse.
magda Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 Just let it go, she has convinced herself she's better off without you. Maybe she's right. She has needs that you don't understand and never will and she no longer wishes to compromise. That's how it sounds.
Author pandnh4 Posted January 28, 2006 Author Posted January 28, 2006 i appreciate the responses so far, thank you... what's particularly frustrating is that she had previously agreed with me to move past things and work on them together... i feel like i've done my part as best as i could so far but see nothing from her... what's worse is this whole incident last week was sparked by me going to my tutoring session... we had previously agreed that, although it made her uncomfortable, i would stop at the end of the semester (this was her request, as a compromise, when i even proposed to stop it altogether)... well i never heard back from her that night, and when i went to see her the next day she said she had been upset and decided to go out drinking with her roommate... then she said she had changed her mind... well, thanx for letting me know and trying to work through things... =( she flipped out after this and then began using *every* single past incident between us to fuel her fire and justify the breakup... how can someone agree, out of love, to work with someone and move past old issues, then one rainy day decide it's time to hang up the coat and bring everything up again... she won't talk to me, aside the occasional spiteful or sarcastic text message, and despite my comforting words and reasoning, she refuses to listen to anything... man, this is so painful... i bent over backwards for this girl on countless occasions and probably wouldn't stop there but she still refuses to see the good in me...
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