BlahBlahQueen Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 My guy and I... my guy and I. We started off our relationship with a bang, an explosion of emotion and a sense of magic unlike anything we'd ever felt before. Now, a month down the line, it's petered out to the most mundane, obligation-driven crap ever. The magic and chemistry are pretty much gone. So he dropped me off on Monday after I spent the weekend at his house, and as I was sitting around my house I realized that he never initiates contact with me. So I wondered if he would ever be the one to remember me first, and I sat and waited. For two days. Yesterday I got tired of waiting and IMed him to ask why I hadn't heard from him. He said he thought I'd disappeared to someone's house, because I always contact him and my messenger was idle. I wondered why he hadn't called or IMed me to find out for sure, but no matter. So I stopped with the bitter line of questioning and gave him a pleasant "Never mind. So how's your day been?" To which he answered, "Good..." and did not write back after that. Another day passes, and I'm wondering what the hell I'm wasting my time for. I call him, he's very standoffish and nonchalant, and basically, we decide we don't get along and I tell him we probably shouldn't bother seeing each other anymore. This was a few minutes ago. But my heart is breaking. I don't particularly enjoy beating a dead horse, if it is indeed dead... but I really thought we had something at one point. At one point, he couldn't get over how in love with me he was, and I was absolutely crazy about him. Is there any other way??? Are we forced to end this?
almostthere Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 You bring up a very good question. I wonder that myself all the time. My bf and I are at the same spot. Well...kinda. We started out the same way. And here I am at the same spot I always come to. I am losing my feelings for him more and more every day. Some days I dont even want to talk to him so I dont. even though we are kinda living together. He always knows when I am upset because I dont talk, dont pick on him (tickling and stuff), I dont cuddle up to him. Our problem is his exwife. She just so in the way. And I am frustrated. Having said that...i personally think it doesnt have to be this way for you two. There could be miscommunication, misunderstandings or just underlying stresses in his life that make him distant. I get distant a lot when I am dating someone. Some of it has to do with getting bored or tired of dealing with the stress in the relationship but most of the time its me. I am busy thinking about my kid, college, my two jobs...etc. I would suggest before you two end it...to talk. Let him know how you feel and listen to how he feels. Then make your decision. I hope I helped.
alphamale Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 My guy and I... my guy and I. We started off our relationship with a bang, an explosion of emotion and a sense of magic unlike anything we'd ever felt before. Now, a month down the line, it's petered out to the most mundane, obligation-driven crap ever. relationships that start out with a "magical bang" most likely end quickly with another "magical bang". when it comes to matters of the heart its "slow 'n steady" that usually wins out.
Author BlahBlahQueen Posted January 27, 2006 Author Posted January 27, 2006 I did tell him how I feel. This prompted him to say that he's kinda tired of us "arguing" all the time. In other words, I vocalize too many problems between us too much. So shoot me for being open. We don't have a very comfortable communication between us. It seems that he finds me too dissatisfied and I find him too aloof. These issues don't happen to me because I generally date very emotionally open guys, and the problems that I've had with this one generally stem from his closedness. Sorry, but I can't have a dry relationship. And it's so self-defeating... his aloofness causes me discomfort, which prompts me to voice it, which causes more problems because he doesn't want to hear it, which increases my discomfort and his aloofness. I know I'll be told to give him his space and take it slow, but believe me when I say that I haven't been particularly smothering, and this is too much for me. We are just not compatible. I saw this one coming, kinda. They always change and I never do. I keep telling everyone that. We were both so open at first... and then he just shut me out. relationships that start out with a "magical bang" most likely end quickly with another "magical bang". when it comes to matters of the heart its "slow 'n steady" that usually wins out. Can't do it, man. ENFP all the way. It's not in me. The love is either there or it isn't. I can't hold back for 6 months just for the sake of following the "proper" routine.
pandnh4 Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 unfortunately i'm kind of in the same boat as you, though my gf/ex had been together for 7 and a half months... through constant arguing we've done so much damage to one another (and probably me more damage to her) that we are not as close as we once were... she has shut me out and has resorted to shady tactics at best to put me down and make me take all the blame for her issues which she refuses to acknowledge and work on... i've taken the time to work on mine, i've sought help, read books, proposed couple help, etc... she constantly cries, calls me names, refuses to trust me, and misrepresents me to her friends just to justify herself... i'm at a loss because i still love her to death and would do anything for her, to the point where i have even already compromised my own morals and standards just to make her happy... i know she still loves me but her resentment is too strong right now and she can't let go of things or grow with me... sadly, my best thoughts to you are perhaps that you should be thankful that this happened sooner than later, before you become too emotionally-invested... my pain is killing me right now, and somewhere along the way to this point, i was my own worst enemy and shot myself in the foot... =(
almostthere Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 This is what I would do personally...I would just break up like you did and be done with it. There usually isnt anything positive that stems from a emotionally incompatible relationship. I have been there so many times. the choice is ultimately yours...but if it was mine...thats what I would do. Most relationships do start out as being fun and close. only the strong ones and the ones that are compatible actually stay that way.
blind_otter Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 Break up. Yes it is the only way. Or suffer the consequences of beating a dead horse until the rotting corpse explodes in your face. My ex and I dragged in out for 7 months. Seven months. I mean we broke up last month but still we talk, and it's arduous and freaking insane. I can't understand why he won't just accept that we don't belong together. Maybe I'm on the other side from you guys. I spend hours endlessly explaining why we are bad together. We don't have similar interests. We argue when we talk about anything serious. When we do argue we are horrible to each other. I feel better when I'm not around him. Don't get me wrong. I love that a**h***. But love isn't what makes relationships work. It's a lot more than that. And IMO, if you spend too much time talking about "THE RELATIONSHIP" then there really isn't a relationship to begin with. You shouldn't HAVE to compromise your own morals and standards. To do so makes your future ex respect you less. It shouldn't be this hard. Or this confusing. When it is, I give up. And there's no getting me to change my mind. It's just how I am. For my mental health, I need to be away from him. I just can't seem to explain that in a way that he finds acceptible.
Wing Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Hey, have read the posts here made me worried about my new relationship. I am sort of in the same situation, we became bf and gf only 2 months after we met each other, and this is my first relationship , also his first as he said. Now I am worried as everyone seems to say relationship start quick will finish fast too. I really likes him, also I feel we been close to each other bit too fast. Now I try to slow it down, I don't want to loss him. Good thing is we both happy and glad that we both think we should have sex few years later when we are committed to each other. well I hope everything going well, if one day it goes wrong like the original thread posted here, maybe have to face it and learn from it. and move on.
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