nova monkey Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 About 3 months ago I starting dating a guy who is alot younger than I am. In the beginning I was very apprehensive about the whole thing I had planned to move to Philadelphia in January by no means did I want a relationship I had a great job opportunity and I sacrificed my job for love which is not necessairly a bad thing. I know 3 months is not a long time but you all know what it feels like to be in love with someone. In life you will find that it is extremly rare to find another human being that you feel completes you. Isn"t that what we are here for. Anyway we got into a fight the other night and now he has broken up with me and wants to be just friends I am sorry but I am old enough to know that after you are in an intimate relationship with someone you cannot just be friends. He tells me that he has alot going on right now which yes he does , but these things were apparent when we started dating. Basically i feel like he used me as an escape from all of his problems and I am just so completly confused, and furious. He brought me into his life I have met his whole family( they all love me ) I don't know what to do because he keeps calling I am a mess.
BDR Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 First and foremost, you have every right to feel the way you do. The relationship is over and inevitably feelings are going to be hurt. STRICT NO CONTACT is the next order of the day. You are hurt and you need to heal. I think it is best if you kindly let him know that you really appreciate that fact that he wants to keep in touch, but that at this time you just feel it is best if you go to NC and be allowed to move on with your life. He should understand that. You said some things that I picked up on that I want to touch on because I have just went through a similar situation with my ex-gf. First, follow your first mind. If you were apprehensive in the beginning, it was probably for a good reason. Your spirit can usually sense when things aren't right and has a way of warning us to be more cautious. Not that you shouldn't have dated the guy. I wouldn't dare make that call and I believe everything happens for a reason. I am just saying next time, if those little bells are going off in your head, pay them so more attention. I haven't done that much in the past, each time I have paid for dearly. With my most recent ex, I felt like I wasn't ready for a relationsip. I tried to beg off of it many times early on. I didn't and it ended badly. Another thing is that, NO MAN should complete your world. Your world should already be complete. You should be happy and content well before a compatible mate heart enters your life. Many people fail to believe this. I have even struggled at times. But I have learned the hard way this is so true. DO YOU! Find your center, your purpose and your happiness (it is proabably closer than you think). Then when the right man enters your life, he will fall so compeltely in step with everything that you have going on it will fit like a glove. More importantly, those that don't you will be able to eliminate more quickly. Try to take that away from this painful experience. Also remember that everyone has to take responsibility for a breakup. For whatever reason things didn't work out. And as much it is tough to hear, if he did use you, then don't allow it happen again. Believe me, I was in the same situation. I was with a woman who used me for three years. I could have been angry at her. But, when I was truly honest with myself, I realized that I also used her. I was so desperate and lonely that I needed her more than she needed me. She obliged me and so in essence I got exactly what I wanted out of the relationship as well. You more than likely got something out of it that you can't see through the pain right now. Don't waste time being angry and sore about something like this. Each relationship is a learning experience, painful, but necessary. It is up to you to learn from them though. To pass on a little advice for the future. I was going through a hard time and this girl I was dating told me, "I see you are going through a tough time. I really hope and pray things work out for you. However, I have learned from my own personal experiences that l can't help anyone through their problems because I am too busy dealing with my own. I DON"T DO PROBLEMS. Good luck!" Frank, but I had to respect it. You deserve better and you don't have to deal with anyone elses crap. Let them work through thier own problems. You work on you. Hope this helps. You will be fine. .
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