Men: Intimidated by some women?

[CaliGuy]

Good on ya Caliguy. I have learned that while I know the drive to go after what I want is there, I have had to learn to be creative and some times subtle with the approach. But you're right with every "no" you learn a little more and are better equipped for the next flight. Its the people afraid to get that no that will never learn those lessons.

 

'Xactly

 

I have to learn to pull back the throttle every once and while and leave 'er in 'cruise' mode. Problem is, I like after-burner too much

 

I guess owning a business and being responsible for my own income has helped manifest me into a much more aggressive guy.

 

Salespeople who are good aren't intimidated and don't let rejection get to them. One door closes, another opens and opportunity always awaits you. You just have to get off your arse to answer the door

[TUDOR]

On the other side I am now wondering why some gals get intimidated by some men?

 

I think the reasons for women vary with age. Each age group for a woman I think comes with its own intimidation variables.

[cal gal]

'Xactly

 

Salespeople who are good aren't intimidated and don't let rejection get to them. One door closes, another opens and opportunity always awaits you. You just have to get off your arse to answer the door

 

 

 

A good salesperson knows the answer is only NO if you never present yourself to ask. The possibility of the YES is what makes sales so inviting and rewarding.

 

 

 

 

Each age group for a woman I think comes with its own intimidation variables.

 

I might ask for a bit of clarification on this broad statement....

[lindya]

If I were a man and I met a woman who declared that she intimidated men with her beauty and intelligence, I'd jump on her bones. I probably wouldn't agree that she was as gifted, intellectually and aesthetically, as she imagined she was....but I'd say that the flexibility it must take to fit one's head up one's own arse would certainly be worth further investigation in the bedroom.

[loony]

If I were a man and I met a woman who declared that she intimidated men with her beauty and intelligence, I'd jump on her bones. I probably wouldn't agree that she was as gifted, intellectually and aesthetically, as she imagined she was....but I'd say that the flexibility it must take to fit one's head up one's own arse would certainly be worth further investigation in the bedroom.

Are you also intimidated by the many smart and beautiful people (men and women) on this thread?

[Milo]

First off Cali Guy

I can only speak for myself - but as a gal with a strong personality, I need

a man that WILL be persistent! I think only submissive personalities will

find enjoyment with a wishy washy guy. (I could be totally wrong).

 

Oh believe me. When I pick my battles, I am persistent. But other times I simply decline the challenge, reasoning that it isn't worth the effort.

 

Milo

 

Two things honey

 

First off - intimidation by a gal being "aloof" is silly - to most that would be

considered a boring personality! Go with the later part of your thread that

you indicated that you might like the goofy - or humor in a gal. That is the better choice....

 

Well that's the crux of it, isn't it? One has an idea whether or not they are entertaining company, but it's the interaction between two in a conversation that creates the entertainment. It doesn't just flow from one to the other and then back and forth. Conversation is a dance, and without the consent to get on the dance floor it can be like dragging a cat to the vet. After about a hundred thousand dead end conversations, you learn to pick out the ones that might develop nicely. But certainly, a simple hello is always warranted. I'll say that to anyone.

 

Oh and Milo - if you post your fantasy story on WWIU under the water cooler- after midnight hot thread, THEN I'll give you all another story everyone seems to be begging for.

 

Or you can just get hot and bothered by reading my other fantasy posts there!

 

Additional stories would be nice though! ... by anyone for that matter.

 

 

I'd love to hear this "other" story. That kind of bothering I can handle. Tudor added some very good stuff to the mid-week thread. Sorry I left so early last night.

[cygny]

Cyg, I have a hunch that I think I know what's happening when you meet a guy. This is just a hunch, and I'm certainly willing to be 100% wrong, so call me on it if you think I'm out of line:

 

There are a number of different ways a woman (or a man, for that matter) can be perceived as intimidating or aloof. Now, it's clear that you're successful, intelligent, beautiful (at least that's the sense I get from your posts) and you really don't need anyone to complete your life.

 

But the other side of it is that men may perceive you as not really needing them for anything.

 

It's one thing to be financially and socially successful. No man has to take care of you in that regard. But it's also clear that though you don't need a man to care for you, you want a man to share your dreams and desires and thoughts and bed with.

 

So the men you meet may be getting the wrong message, and that may be because you may be sending out the wrong signals. Guys are like that. We're not too good at subtle hints.

 

I don't know for sure. Whaddya think?

 

i don't know how to send out those signals then. what do they look like?

 

but the other thing is that i am getting alot of men who seem to react and ascribe to me things that aren't true (these are mostly guys with big egos and a few bucks)...for instance that I am interested in them and playing hard to get when i'm not really, just mildly curious and mostly polite. they want to play mind games and then when i give the barest hint of acknowledgement, mostly to see if they will put away the games, they think they've scored and go away gloating...it is really a problem, there seem to be so many

 

maybe the signals are getting all mixed up or the men have so much baggage they are reading things into what i say or do?

 

this is really a conundrum...i am completely confused...

[cygny]

Good post, Slubber. I agree.

 

I don't think they're all intimidated, I think they feel that sense that she doesn't need them and therefore if there is no need, no reason to persist.

 

need them how though? how do i do that on the first or second meeting without coming off as needy?

[scratch]

If I were a man and I met a woman who declared that she intimidated men with her beauty and intelligence, I'd jump on her bones. I probably wouldn't agree that she was as gifted, intellectually and aesthetically, as she imagined she was....but I'd say that the flexibility it must take to fit one's head up one's own arse would certainly be worth further investigation in the bedroom.

 

I don't think people do this in real life. If they do, it's almost exclusively a defense mechanism.

 

Even here, recall the instances of individuals who proclaim how smart, confident and attractive they are - these attributes are almost never announced unless another poster tags them as dim, insecure or ugly. I admit, the three people who first come to mind here are male, but the point stands.

 

To the OP - yes, it is theoretically possible that a man will be intimidated and therefore turned off by a woman who is too independent, smart, pretty, wealthy, etc. However, it's probably wise to consider Occam here. Out of 100 times that a man is turned off by a woman, 99 of them it will be because she doesn't posess enough of those qualities, not because she posesses too much. Consult your male friends, and take a hard look at the women in whom they are uninterested - how many of those women, based on your friends' stories and your own observations, lose out because they are intimidating? Now, how many lose out because they don't measure up?

 

Having said that, men are intimidated by women, especially pretty women, all the time. It doesn't stop us from trying to attract them, it just makes us do it with less confidence, and therefore a lower chance of success.

 

In summary, if you get rejected by a guy, it's safe to assume that it's not becuase he was intimidated, but rather because he was uninterested.

[cygny]

I don't think people do this in real life. If they do, it's almost exclusively a defense mechanism.

 

Even here, recall the instances of individuals who proclaim how smart, confident and attractive they are - these attributes are almost never announced unless another poster tags them as dim, insecure or ugly. I admit, the three people who first come to mind here are male, but the point stands.

 

To the OP - yes, it is theoretically possible that a man will be intimidated and therefore turned off by a woman who is too independent, smart, pretty, wealthy, etc. However, it's probably wise to consider Occam here. Out of 100 times that a man is turned off by a woman, 99 of them it will be because she doesn't posess enough of those qualities, not because she posesses too much. Consult your male friends, and take a hard look at the women in whom they are uninterested - how many of those women, based on your friends' stories and your own observations, lose out because they are intimidating? Now, how many lose out because they don't measure up?

 

Having said that, men are intimidated by women, especially pretty women, all the time. It doesn't stop us from trying to attract them, it just makes us do it with less confidence, and therefore a lower chance of success.

 

In summary, if you get rejected by a guy, it's safe to assume that it's not becuase he was intimidated, but rather because he was uninterested.

 

i think you have a point. and now that i think about it, the converse is true as well. when a man has complained to me that i'm too independent, the truth is that while i might like him, i'm not interested in much more than casual dating with him. i didn't see how my life would meld with his.

 

with the professor i was interested in...he told me he was pining for an ex--and i could sense that he was pretty bitter. he was playing games. he said he was after 'control'. oh well. there wasn't much sexual chemistry but i liked him on an intellectual level.

 

i've gotten some good tips on this thread. i'm naturally on the reserved/shy side, so i'm going to make the effort to be more outgoing.

 

thanks to all.

[lindya]

i think you may be right. and now that i think about it, the converse is true as well. when a man has complained to me that i'm too independent, the truth is that while i might like him, i'm not interested in much more than casual dating with him. i didn't see how my life would meld with his.

 

i've gotten some good tips on this thread. i'm naturally on the reserved/shy side, so i'm going to make the effort to be more outgoing.

 

thanks to all.

 

I think being reserved is certainly more likely to discomfit others who also have a tendency to be reserved - but intimidation is probably too strong a word. I'm sure once you learn to be a bit more relaxed with others that will certainly help.

[cygny]

I think being reserved is certainly more likely to discomfit others who also have a tendency to be reserved - but intimidation is probably too strong a word. I'm sure once you learn to be a bit more relaxed with others that will certainly help.

 

 

the whole intimidation thing is what my male friends were telling me (and just that one professor i dated but with him i was quite relaxed and had fun). i've had several friends tell me this out of the blue, not even while discussing dating issues etc. i don't know why they brought it up or said that. it was a mystery. to quote, "i bet alot of guys are really intimidated by you" then they talked about the things i mentioned.

 

it's not that i'm not relaxed either...i can be a real party girl at times...but usually i tend to observe and listen and think...when i get talking you can't stop me.

[bluetuesday]

Do you mean if we were talking about cars and she knew more than me, or about Astronomy and she knew more than me?

 

no, i didn't mean knowing facts. i was talking about the capacity someone intelligent has for understanding and their ability to discuss concepts, regardless of the subject matter.

 

i don't believe that intelligence is strongly linked to how much a person knows. a reasonably inept person may be able to remember facts, while someone considered clever scientifically, for example, may be useless socially - which requires a different application of intelligence.

 

intelligence is linked to what someone does with what they know. it's about how they think, how they are able to rationalise, their capacity for logical progression. and it's that application of thought that scares people away.

 

People seek me out quite often to talk about issues because I discuss them in a manner that doesn't make them feel inferior.

 

interesting... but i don't believe you can make a person feel anything without their consent. there is a big difference between being rude and being more intelligent. however kind i am, if i throw in a comment someone doesn't understand, or use words they don't understand, some people will take this as pretension or aloofness on my part and take offence. not everyone will, but some do.

 

if i then try to explain it in a different way and they still don't get it, at the point where i say 'it doesn't matter, not that important anyway' i'll be seen as condescending.

 

which is odd, because having brains only makes you know how little you know - because you're not afraid to challenge what you know, or what you think you know, and you're probably not afraid NOT to know.

 

hmmm, perhaps THIS is why people avoid talking issues with me? because i make them examine their reasoning and if they don't know WHY they think something, i'm all over 'em! i can't STAND an uninformed opinion. which is probably more intimidating than the brains thing.

 

all goes to show why i mostly stick to american idol and the weather.

[vret]

Alpha,

 

Know wonder I intimidate most men!!!!!

 

 

 

True intelligence would KNOW that the sentence is actually ----NO wonder I intimidate most men

[ve77]

Alpha,

 

Know wonder I intimidate most men!!!!!

 

 

 

True intelligence would KNOW that the sentence should be---NO wonder I initimidate most men.

 

 

But hey at least your self esteem is high

[honeybunch2k5]

my experience has been that most men aren't intimidated by smart women, as long as the women aren't quite as smart as they are.

 

my experience has also been that most men will rate 'smart' as being anything roughly equivalent to or slightly below their own level of intelligence.

 

I knew it...I guess maybe some guys have very fragile egoes and can only foster relationships with one not quite as intelligent as they are. I guess men need to feel needed and to be assured that they will be the sole provider. Men forget that women have needs other than those deeling with money like my X. I always suspected that guys didn't really fall for the smart girls contrary to what my family told me. In high school I noticed I was being passed over for the cute but not-so-brite girls. I notice to this day that guys will hint to me that I am too good for them. Unless I date an older guy, I have to downplay my intellect so as not to trample on the fragile male ego.

 

No wonder I can't get a date-I'm smart, confident, and cute as a button:o

[Curmudgeon]

and am surrounded by women like that at work. They don't intimidate me in the slightest. Then again, intimidation isn't something I experience as a general rule no matter the source.

 

Beautiful women are a delight.

 

Smart women are the best.

 

Independent women are decidedly preferred.

 

Thankfully, I'm married to a beautiful (inside and out) woman who's extremely intelligent and is and has always been delightfully independent.

[ve77]

So true........one can be financially independent and still really really needy :-)

[notmakingsense]

I haven't read the whole thread, but my take on this is that many men simply want to be "the Man" (or slightly dominant) in a relationship. If we believe, for whatever reason (which may be a result of insecurities and other dysfunction) that we can't live up to that standard for ourselves, then we will shy away from the situation.

 

Even if you don't subscribe to this male-dominant theory, it is still all about balance. A man and woman that are too far out of balance in any of the three areas will have a harder time of it.

[CaliGuy]

no, i didn't mean knowing facts. i was talking about the capacity someone intelligent has for understanding and their ability to discuss concepts, regardless of the subject matter.

 

i don't believe that intelligence is strongly linked to how much a person knows. a reasonably inept person may be able to remember facts, while someone considered clever scientifically, for example, may be useless socially - which requires a different application of intelligence.

 

intelligence is linked to what someone does with what they know. it's about how they think, how they are able to rationalise, their capacity for logical progression. and it's that application of thought that scares people away.

 

Ok, I follow what you're saying, I've just never found anyone intimidating to me based on their intelligence. I rather enjoy a good debate and the more she can fire back, the better.

 

interesting... but i don't believe you can make a person feel anything without their consent. there is a big difference between being rude and being more intelligent. however kind i am, if i throw in a comment someone doesn't understand, or use words they don't understand, some people will take this as pretension or aloofness on my part and take offence. not everyone will, but some do.

 

I subscribe to the notion that it's not their job to interpret what I mean, it's my job to make sure I explain it in a way they can understand.

 

Never raise your voice, raise your point instead, so to speak.

 

What I mean by making them feel inferior is by explaining in a way that says "Hey stupid, this is what it means!" I've known managers, wives, husbands and various other relatives that do that. Totally classless.

 

if i then try to explain it in a different way and they still don't get it, at the point where i say 'it doesn't matter, not that important anyway' i'll be seen as condescending.

 

Maybe so. I don't get easily frustrated in that case. I'll keep trying different approaches until I find one that works

 

which is odd, because having brains only makes you know how little you know - because you're not afraid to challenge what you know, or what you think you know, and you're probably not afraid NOT to know.

 

Totally agree.

 

hmmm, perhaps THIS is why people avoid talking issues with me? because i make them examine their reasoning and if they don't know WHY they think something, i'm all over 'em! i can't STAND an uninformed opinion. which is probably more intimidating than the brains thing.

 

True. But don't be all over them. Be understanding and patient. It works wonders.

 

all goes to show why i mostly stick to american idol and the weather.

 

Haha. I'm all over Discovery channel

[lindya]

I always suspected that guys didn't really fall for the smart girls contrary to what my family told me. In high school I noticed I was being passed over for the cute but not-so-brite girls. I notice to this day that guys will hint to me that I am too good for them. Unless I date an older guy, I have to downplay my intellect so as not to trample on the fragile male ego.

 

No wonder I can't get a date-I'm smart, confident, and cute as a button:o

 

Hi - I'm Lindya. I'm as ugly as a warthog, shy as a badger and as thick as ****. As a result, I have men falling over themselves to get into my pants. It rocks!

[loony]

Hi - I'm Lindya. I'm as ugly as a warthog, shy as a badger and as thick as ****. As a result, I have men falling over themselves to get into my pants. It rocks!

lindya, please marry me!!

[lindya]

lindya, please marry me!!

 

Is that you or your avatar talking, loony?

[loony]

Is that you or your avatar talking, loony?

We are the same. Is this a yes?? Yippiiieeh!

[CaliGuy]

you are too funny (and cute)--but i am too old for you, unfortunately.

 

really this is a big problem for me. i'm not saying i am those things but people tell me that i am, lots of men tell me i am, i am kinda oblivious to it. i will be walking down the street, not noticing people, and then people with me will be telling me about all the stares. and male friends, some of them gay some not, are telling me that men are intimidated by me.

 

i don't know what to do. i do have multiple grad degrees. i guess i am independent but guys have told me i'm too independent to be with a guy and i don't understand how. i like all kinds of people. i'm not a snob by any means. I come from a very very humble background. the weird thing is that i get along great with people who are clerks or waitresses. but when i meet a man i like, it goes all wonky.

 

one guy i really liked was a professor/researcher at ivy league school who admitted he was intimidated--i guess because my looks, he said i was a model type. ??? how could he be?????

 

Cygny, I want pics