How long has it been NC for you and how are you holding up?

[UT_longhorn]

Just wanted to check in with everyone and see where everyone is at this point. Whats your situation at this moment?

 

How long have you maintained NC? How are you feeling? Are you moving forward? How much do you long for your ex?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Three hours and four minutes.

Terrible.

Not really.

Every second.

[UT_longhorn]

jen jen. think of it this way : you are three hours and four minutes further into your recovery.

 

keep on keepin on girl.

[fooled]

Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since I saw her or spoke to her. I hear her voice in my friggin head all the time.

 

I am in counseling, am taking an antidepressant - and today I am fantasizing about her trying to reconcile - even though I know she won't. She feels no regret or remorse for her behavior - and I can't forgive it. I don't want her and I know it.

 

I think I am just feeling extremely disregarded today.

 

The early mornings and late evenings I am actually fine - I am aware of it being over and accept who she really is. But in between - wow. Extreme longing.

 

I honestly believe that the hormones she produces that Rio posted about are especially intense. I have never felt this passionately about a person before - even those with whom I was in a relationship longer. While I see women I find attractive - I am not attracted TO THEM. When I see someone with her figure/body type - I get a wave of painful longing. When I think of sex, I think of her.

 

I AM better than the first week - probably even better than last week. I don't forsee my current condition changing much over the next month or so, however. I'm on a roller coaster. Sometimes during the day, I just hate her. And I should.

 

But more than anything, I should let her go. I should - I'll say it again - I don't want her!!

[Geoffrey]

1 week. Not so good. Somewhat. Every single day.

[Resilient1]

Well I am trying to talk to my ex as little as possible but she has been making that easy. She has been distant with me lately. I have been there for her since the beginning of this month because of a tragic event that happened to her family. My intentions at first were totally to help her and be there and not to get emotional about us but the more time we have spent I got sucked in again with all the emotions that I was feeling 3 mo. prior(In Dec.I had no contact with her for 2 1/2 weeks and starting to heal). Well over the past week and half she has been seeing her bf more and more when just the weekend before this last one we spent the whole weekend together and I stayed with her Fri-Sun. FYI her bf is an a**h***! We have done things that friends just dont do. It seems that my presence nor my undenying love for her is not enough and that is sad. She has even agreed with me when I say I am a better man but bottom line is she stays w/him. I am just plain exhausted. I have given her everything and I just need to work on slowly getting it back. I have come to the point where each time I talk to her I sound whiny and just keep saying why are you with him, why don't you give us another chance. It has been 4 mo. since we stopped seeing each other. I still miss her soo much but I am just going to leave her alone. I am hurting but I deserve to be treated better and maybe one day she will realize that.

Noone should ever have to convince someone to like them or love them. If they do they will come to you and reciprocate the feeling..

[dprelz]

16 days. Absolutely Terrible. Doesn't seem like im moving forward. Every day since she left 5 months ago.

[skeptik224]

We've been broken up for 4 months. Did the back/forth thing for 3 months. Last meeting and last kiss was 1 1/2 months ago. Last contact was 17 days ago via e-mail (and she was pretty cold). It sucks really bad, and I think about her all the time... but I have no intentions of contacting her again. If she wants me, she knows how to reach me. She's the one that chose this route.....

[notmakingsense]

2 months since I've seen her, and 1 month since last contact. My last contact (an e-mail) was simply to ask her to confirm the break up with me (lame, I know), but it did leave the ball in her court.

 

I'm almost at peace with the reasons why she didn't love me as much as I loved her, yet I'm still tormented at how she so callously left me drifting at the end. No contact, but no breakup either. How pathetic.

 

I still think of her every day. All day. Really bad in the mornings, because I'm dreaming of her all the time. It will take me a long time to get over this because (a) she's gotten to me like no other woman has, and (b) I just bought a house, and I'm too broke to go out and date!

[LN8840K]

29 days still have rough patches, not sure why I'm counting the days though ..... thrown for a loop when hearing about her conversation with my mother ..... still staying course though

[Guest1]

Nine months. I've accepted it and it doesn't hurt near as much but I still think of her every day.

[symbol]

It is going to be exactly 3 months this sunday. We broke up 3 months and 5 days ago. The last time I saw him was about 4.5 months ago (it was a long-distance relationship).

 

For those of you who are doing NC for only a while, I actually have good news for you: it does get better!

 

When this all started I thought I wouldn't even survive without him. (We spent 7.5 years together with the last 2 in different states) The first few weeks, I couldn't even function. Couldn't work or concentrate on anything. I spent days after days on the computer here at LS.

 

Then, I started to accept the fact that we broke up for real and that I wouldn't spend the rest of life with him contrary to what we dreamed about for the past 7 years!

 

Since Christmas, I feel a whole lot better. No longer in the rollercoaster, more like stabilized. I do think of him from time to time but it doesn't hurt as much.

 

Actually, what has bothered me all along is that he hasn't tried to get in touch me in any way since we broke up. No phone calls, no emails, nothing!

 

He broke up with me on the phone and this hurt so much after 7 years! He promised that he would come and visit me one last time after thanksgiving, when I told him that I wanted to see him. But he has not kept up to his promise. Didn't even tell why he is not coming.

 

My friends who hear the break up story hate him with all their hearts. I, on the other hand, don't hate him. I actually have almost no bad feelings towards him. (I think I am a fool) I don't expect him to come back. But I just don't want to remember him as a bad person, because I spent more than 7 years with him.

 

I do believe that time is the biggest healer of heartbreak. I wish good luck to you all.

 

S.

[My_Other_I]

About 5 hours or so.

We don't do NC anymore. Not sure if it's a good idea not to, but so far so good. I thought I've accepted, but last two days I've been feeling a bit crappy. Must be the PMS:o

NC did its job; it helped to get through the worst heartache and emotional rollecoaster.

[notmakingsense]

That's great symbol -- feeling better 3 months after a 7.5 year relationship -- there's hope for me yet! I also appreciate how you don't hate your ex. I don't feel I could ever hate my ex either -- even though (sort of similar to your situation) she has chosen to treat me pretty badly by simply dissappearing/going NC rather than confronting the situation with me and breaking up in person.

 

I'm not sure how long it will take me, but I do believe it will get better.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I'm actually starting to really get into the anger stage, which my girlfriends and all my stupid self-help books tell me is a healthy thing. What I struggle with is that I feel all this anger for how he hurt me and for the way he ended things, and yet I feel such profound sadness and longing...and yes love...for a man who no longer loves me. Such a disgusting mess of emotions...and it's so hard to sort it all out.

[fooled]

I hate when I'm angry at her, which has been a lot lately. I can't stand the thought of always having to go around mad when I think of her.

 

All day I ached for her. Now I've settled into a kind of numbness, but I don't know if I'm getting better, ignoring the problem or I'm just shutting down.

 

I've been romanticizing today - for some reason it escaped my consciousness that she doesn't care about me. If you love someone, you don't cheat on them repeatedly and lie to them. For some reason, my psyche felt today like she's actually missing me. I doubt that's the case.

 

Really, I found myself wishing she wasn't the way she is. Irrational, but true. Couldn't concentrate on work today - which is going to get ugly soon if I keep this up.

 

However, I just need to say: I really, really liked being her boyfriend.

 

But she's a creep. And a cheat. And a liar. I wish someone would have told me 15 months ago.

[symbol]

Such a disgusting mess of emotions...and it's so hard to sort it all out.

 

Oh, I know exactly what you are talking about! I went thru that stage too. I was angry that he broke up with me without giving me a second chance when I was so eager to work on our relationship. I was angry that he broke up with me over the phone. I was angry that he didn't come to visit me. And most of all, I was angry that he never called to see how I was doing.

 

Yet, I was so sad and was feeling so lonely because deep down I felt that he did all those things because he no longer loved me. Coming to realize that fact hurts sooo much.

 

All you can do now is to accept everything as it is:

 

1- He broke up with you because he longer loves you.

2- He is not coming back.

3- He did hurt you but most probably he did not do those things to hurt you. He was just trying to protect himself from any emotional discomfort. (I know this sounds like the most selfish thing and it is actually the most selfish thing. But you have to accept the fact that he has to be selfish when he deals with someone he doesn't love anymore)

4- He was of course not a perfect man. He did have numerous flaws but also good features you were attracted to.

 

When you accept things as they are, the anger stage will be over. The next step will be the acceptance stage where you feel much calmer about the break up and then the real healing begins.

 

You are almost there.

[Just Visiting]

Broke up 4.5 months ago. No voice-to-voice contact, 2 MSN chats (last one in early Nov.), and 1 email I sent in early December (spoke about how I understood why he felt the way he did, no response). It does hurt not hearing from him, but I will feel worse if I did. For the most part, I am growing accustomed to being on my own again. I still have my sad and lonely moments. But they eventually pass. I am learning alot about myself which is a good thing. I know I need more time to heal before I can talk to him again. I still hold out hope that we can sit down and really talk things out. I am 50/50 on the reconciliation, depending how much we have both learned from the relationship, and how committed we are to make it better.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

The heck of it is that HE was the one begging me for a second chance as recent as November 26th! This was after he pulled a houdini act and didn't call me for four days....then I called him and he didn't return any of my calls. Over two weeks later he sent me an email.... he was begging for forgiveness saying that he was depressed and withdrawn because of the overwhelming stress of his job. I foolishly believed him, felt sorry for him, comforted him and took him back.

[pippen_2k]

Besides like 2 text messages from her, Ive been in No Contact for 8 Months.

 

Still think about her? Sometimes, she still pops up in my head a few times a day.

 

That sick feeling in ur stomache still there? Nope

 

Any pain at all? Nope

 

I dont hurt at all anymore, but I still think about her... I dont know why.

[honda12345]

it's been 2 weeks since we broke up and 10 days since we last talked. I am feeling a whole lot better. I think the main reason was that he changed his Facebook (like friendster and myspace) relationship status back to single. And under the "looking for" column, he listed "friendship, relationship, dating, random play and whatever I can get." So he basically checked all the options.

 

At first, i felt very disrespected cos he knows i m on facebook too and i check it regularly. And it kinda contradicts the fact that he told me he will still miss me a lot and he still cares a whole lot about me. And that kinda angered me and it made me not miss him as much anymore. I don't have the urge to call him anymore. I dont fantasize about him anymore.

 

But dreams are what haunting me right now. Some mornings, like today, I have very beautiful dreams about how we reconcile and kiss and make up. And I would wake up and feel like crap. Then I will start missing him and making excuses to call him and everything starts all over again.

[RZA-Man]

It's been 27 days of NC for me. With each passing day I feel a little bit better. Don't get me wrong I still think about her and I have some moments during the day where I feel really sad, but for the most part I'm a lot better than before. I just look forward to 6 months from now, when I'll totally be over her

[CaliGuy]

Hmm, I last initiated contact on December 9th. She intiated contact on Christmas and two days after. I never replied. It's been almost 2 months for me. I have good days and bad days too but I know this is what is best. It does get better, trust me, but you will have down days too. You never forget the ones you love.

 

Unfortunately word does get back to me sometimes what she says and she is constantly telling friends/co-workers what a great guy I am. I wish I didn't hear those things because a) I think she is lying and b) If she truly felt that way, what she is saying is "He is a great guy, just not good enough for me."

 

Venting yesterday helped. I had to go read No Foolin's thread again (link in my siggy) to remind me why I am doing all this.

 

Bottom line is she isn't pining after me. She doesn't care what I am doing or frankly about me.

 

Therefore, why should I care about her? Answer: I shouldn't and any time I WASTE thinking about HER is time I could waste thinking about things I love to do

 

Or at least Angelina Jolie showing up to my door with nothing on but a robe and a smile

[CaliGuy]

You know, I just noticed there are more men in this thread than women.

[a bit lost]

well i dont want contact, but i do, just to know he us still thinking about me and, deep down i want him to realise what he had lost and come running back, even though i wouldnt do anything about it. i know what you mean about the changing the 'status' thing. i have just seen that my Ex has and i felt so sick i nearly threw up, i thought i was doing so well and its knocked me back a little to be honest.

he has contacted me everyday, by text msg, i mostly do reply (not straight away) if he asks a question. i just hate the fact that he seems to be taking this so much better than me (well, he did initate it). he basically told me he felt unhappy, finished it and pack his stuff to go all in the same hour and moved out next day

should i not be replying? i dont want to not text back as i can be seen as the bad guy then and dont want him to know how much it is bothering me (by cutting off all contact), so just kinda acting normal with much less affection and intimacy

?