Chocolatellama Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Alright.. i know i've made alot of threads lately.. and i recently made one that has the same kind of subject.. No one really answered it and i'm really confused about what to do and i need some advice. My problem is that i don't know how to become friends with my ex again.. I don't actually know if i can forgive him for hurting me this badly. If i do decide that i want to be friends with him again.. how do i go about doing that? Do i just ring up oneday and say "Hi, I'm ready to be friends" or do i start seeing him again now so i can get used to being around him? Has anyone else done this? Become friends with their ex's? If so, how did you do it?
riobikini Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Choc, Until you know exactly where you stand regarding your feelings towards both him, -and yourself, it is best not to try being friends so soon. Although, in particular circumstances, it is possible a friendship can be formed, it is as not likely to occur until some time and healing has taken place for you, -and your ex. Sometimes, with some break-up scenarios, friendship is simply out of the question, at all, -and at any time. You need to be in the proper emotional state, as well as having developed a healthy retrosective about the break-up to even consider friendship. Judging by your posts, you are clearly not ready to offer friendship. Give it time, -wait and see. (Smile) Take care. -Rio
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 26, 2006 Author Posted January 26, 2006 Yeah.. i don't want to be friends with him at the moment. I'm just scared that in the future i if i do decide to see him again it will be too hard for me and won't work out.. So i guess what i was wondering is if there is any way to soften the blow, so to speak?
riobikini Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Choc, Unless there is a reason for further closure in the relationship, -either for you or for him- I suggest you let sleeping dogs lie. -Rio
Jaytee Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 I agree with the advice given by Rio, I am in the same situation as you with my Ex. As much as you want to chat with them about all of the things you used to, this will only tug on your heartstrings more unless you are truly over the relationship and secure in yourself. Try not to think about timescales of how and when to get back in touch too, I was doing that a lot at the start of my breakup and found it just keeps them on your mind even more. I'm looking forward to the day when I can think of my ex and wonder how she is doing and be able to give her a call for a chat without any emotional feelings, other than the usual happy friends vibe being evoked. It will happen for me eventually, and it will happen for you too Until then hang in there, every day of you healing and bettering yourself makes regaining your friendship more possible.
Toronto Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 I'm friends with all of my old boyfriends, but it definitely takes time and isn't at all possible while there are still direct romantic feelings at play. I want the same thing right now, to be friends with my recent ex, but I know that it's too soon and that I'm going to need a lot of time on this one, maybe more than ever before.
In Sync Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 Forgive me for asking a dumb question, but I don't understand why you still need to be friends with your ex. Mind you I am not saying that having friends is not wonderful or that you must go in the opposite direction and hate or dislike your ex, but why do you have the need to have his friendship? Can you not get this from other friends, with whom you did not have an emotional romantic tie to? It just seems to me, that once you had romantic ties that ended (not mutaully, meaning they dumped you) how do you establish being friends without that history being in the background? My test question to everyone who wants to be friends with an ex, how would you feel if they started talking to you about their new love interests. Can you as their 'friend' sit and really listen and be enthusiastic for them, cheering them on? I mean as a real friend it wouldn't bother me at all, but I know I could never even imagine wanting to hear how my ex is getting it on happy with another unless I was absolutely positively totally without a single doubt over and done in my heart with the relationship.
SweptAway Posted January 28, 2006 Posted January 28, 2006 I don't know how people can be friends with ex's. I've never tried. I can only think of one of my ex's that I might be able to reform a friendship with but who knows.. I'm not going to try and hunt him down. People want to be friends with ex's because sometimes you really enjoy that person's company but you just don't work as lovers. I think it is rare that two people in a relationship would both completely agree with that statement-all old wounds have to be healed and they both have to have moved on. My last "fling" which never took off started with a great friendship, then it turned awful. But now that I can completely see no furtue between us, I've lost the attraction I once had for him and can see the friendship returning (here's hoping).
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 28, 2006 Author Posted January 28, 2006 My ex and i were best friends before we started going out.. and i don't want to lose him completely. I do have other friends.. but i'm not close to any of them and never have been.. I find it hard to be close to people and trust anyone and my ex was the only person i trusted.. Sometimes i feel like i should just get rid of him out of my life completely because seeing him again would be too painful. I'm pretty sure its going to take at least 6 months of NC to be able get over him. I've been friends with other ex's of mine.. But this one is just going to take me alot longer.
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