why won't it stop....

[emptyinside121]

Kind of new to this...I never thought id find myself on one of these things..any comments you guys want to leave would help alot...

 

basically I had been dating my gf for over a year. We had some rough moments, but we had worked through them all, which made me think that I had finally found someone perfect because we had experienced the good and the bad together and survived.

 

She was the first gf I had ever felt so strongly before, and I was sure that we were meant for each other, "soulmates" if you will. We told each other that we loved each other and had planned to move in together in the spring. About 4 days ago we get into a stupid fight about nothing, and all of a sudden she says that she wants to go on a break. I thought ok, maybe if we take some time off from each other it will help clear our heads.

 

2 days later I call her up to see if she wants to talk about it, and she tells me that she wants to break up. It totally blindsided me, the relationship had been going perfect. When she said those words, something inside me just died...

 

So after two more days, I call her to get some of my stuff back...stupid i know...and guess what.

 

she's already going out with another guy.

 

She totally disrespected what we had together and basically lied to my face all those times she said, " I love you" or "im so happy with you"

 

it was like someone had punched me in the gut and ripped out a lung, I couldn't breathe, sometimes i get panic attacks where i can't breathe.

 

I haven't slept in a week, I haven't eaten anything in 3 days, and everytime I think about her and him, I go insane. The pain got so bad that at one point I had to slash myself multiple times with a knife to take my mind off the pain i was feelings because I couldn't take it anymore.

 

I hate myself for feeling this way...but the pain just won't go away. Its driving me insane and I just don't know what to do anymore.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Please don't cut yourself. Please, please don't.

 

It looks like there's a phenomenon of break-ups in the month of January. Read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80295/

 

I'm so sorry you were hurt like this. I am going through the same pain, and there just doesn't seem to be any logic to any of it. Because it's illogical, I guess. I wish I had magic words to make it all better....and if I did, I wouldn't be feeling s***ty either. The only comfort I feel is in knowing that I'm not alone...that others are going through the same thing...that there are caring people here on LS who understand.

 

(((((((hugs)))))))

[Devildog]

First of all, GO AND SEE A DOCTOR! Get on some anti-depressants or something, but the lack of sleep and eating, and especially the cutting is not a good thing!

 

Second of all, the guy was already in the picture before she suggested the break. It is possible that she was picking a fight with you over something stupid to justify a break / break-up so she could date him without looking like a two-timing slut puppy.

 

So ask yourself, is a lying, cheating, manipulating skank worth hurting yourself over? I didn't think so.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

DD... he's not missing the lying, cheating skank. He's missing the person he thought she was...the one he fell in love with. That's a very painful loss, not unlike a death. But unlike losing an SO to death, the SO who cheats and abandons is choosing not to love the OP. That's where so much of the pain comes from. There's this great attachment to the person you loved and then dealing with the deception. It can feel like too much pain to bear.

 

You're right, he needs to call his doctor....just as I do.

[Devildog]

Then what he is missing was just a figment of his imagination. So he needs to see her in the true light. It will help him get past the hurt.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Then what he is missing was just a figment of his imagination. So he needs to see her in the true light. It will help him get past the hurt.

 

Yeah, true...but that in and of itself is even more hurtful. Because then you begin to question your own judgment...feeling foolish and stupid for believing anything they said, letting your guard down and trusting someone that turned out to be an effing liar.

[Kleenaz]

Gday mate,, from oz,,

I recently went thru EXACTLY how u are feeling. Let me tell you right now that the pain of your loss, the grief, and everything else will pass when YOU decide that you have had enough. After 16 days of moping, questioning myself about what happened, this is how I got thru it.

 

She was not my first love maybe my 5th, and the pain was just as intence as all the others.

Talk to family and friends about how you feel, they will listen (talk about your feelings to them not the sordid details).

At some point, spend time alone by yourself to really get in touch with your feelings and thoughts.

And CRY CRY CRY if u have to. You will come out of this but it takes time and your decision that u have had enough. I set a day and said to myself, Friday is the last time I am going to put myself thru this. SET A DAY OR DATE>

 

My thoughts are with you Greg Melbourne Australia

[Devildog]

Yeah, true...but that in and of itself is even more hurtful. Because then you begin to question your own judgment...feeling foolish and stupid for believing anything they said, letting your guard down and trusting someone that turned out to be an effing liar.

 

And you live and learn. You are more wary next time around.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Oh, I was VERY wary this last time. I was very guarded. He said I love you first. I made him earn my trust. And all my friends said, "Come on, give him a chance. He's nuts about you. He's so respectful. He's a real keeper." He really did give me NO warning of what was to come, until AFTER he had my love.

[UT_longhorn]

hey emptyinside, im so sorry to hear about your situation man. just know this...and its going to hard to believe, but you will get better in time. From now on, you must not contact her ever again. you cannot talk, see, email, her. do not try to check up on her. do not try to find out whats going on. it will drive you more insane. ill tell you this...you have closure. shes off to another, and you know its over. its something that will be hard to swallow and hard to accept.

 

listen to the others...go to a doctor. get on some antidepressants. if u can, try to go see a counselor. call your parents. that always helped me. call your best friend. but never, ever call her.

 

its going to hurt for a while. give yourself time to grieve. cry, get angry...etc, but do not wallow in that stage too long. get up. go for a run. go for a workout. but do not stay holed up in your home for too long man. it will drive you into insanity. your own mind will get the better of you.

 

use all your willpower to get up and start getting busy. youre already a week into it. when you've hit rock bottom, there's only one way from here and thats upward. come on man. you can do this.

[emptyinside121]

thanks for the support guys...

 

i don't know, I guess a large part of why I was so "in love" with her was because we spent almost 24/7 with each other. Being a student studying abroad, I basically gave up all my other friends or possible friends/ social support just to be with her.

 

Now that she's gone, I feel like im a <I>crack addict</I> or something. She's all i think about day and night, and im physically feeling the symptoms as well, like nausea, chest pains etc. I've never had to deal with something like this be4.

 

I think the biggest part that still haunts me is wishing that she still gave a damn about me. I hate self pitying myself, i know its part of the healing process but I seriously hate myself for being so weak, for being so hung up on her, for hitting rock bottom over her when I know she doesn't feel the same way...

[UT_longhorn]

ill tell you this...she does care about you in her own way. im sure she feels guilty for hurting you and does care about you in some fashion. if she doesn't she has no soul. but also know this...her feelings of love torwards you, were gone along time ago. you're just finding out now...thus the shock.

 

And yes...it is very much like getting over an addiction. I've never been addicted to anything but cigarrettes, but I'm gonna guess that getting over someone you've been with 24/7 is as hard as getting over a heroin addiction.

 

its gonna get better. day after day. go to a bookstore man and pick up a good break up book, or even find one online like on amazon.

 

you have your closure man. you wont have to wonder anymore. now just concentrate on picking yourself up. read the other stories on the forum. post as much as you can on the forum. its therapy.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

UT is right...reading does help. There are tons of books out there (i probably own 90% of them) about break-ups and failed relationships. And sometimes it helps to read them, if only that they validate your feelings.