Mrs. Fiona Shrek Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Okay, here it goes... My husband, John, of almost five years (whom I have a child with) asked for a divorce in June while he was away on a field trip with the university (over the phone). That night I blacked out, swallowed too many pills and woke up three days later in SICU. Stupid, I know. The only person to comfort me was a good friend of ten years, Steve. He too was far away, visiting family in another state. However, he called me everyday and talked to me for hours on end after my release from the hospital. We decided that it was too soon for me to become involved in a relationship and that he was going off to war in a few months anyway. Long-distance relationships don't work out...right? Well, needless to say, Steve and I decided that we had very strong feelings for each other. My divorce was finalized in September. So, in October I flew to see Steve for two weeks. We immediately feel in love and have been ever since. In November, Steve was shipped overseas. Since then he calls me every other day or so and writes or emails me as much as possible. He is a super great man. And loves me like I have never been loved before. He truly makes me feel like I am the only person in the world. Of course, you could say we are still in our "honeymoon" stage of our relationship. A few days ago my ex-husband confessed his love for me. He said that he could not deal with my mental illness and felt that after five years, I would not get better. The thing is... I did get better. About a week after being home from the hospital I was fine. No more crying, pill popping, etc. He told me it wasn't fair that Steve gets the healthy me because he left the sick me. Which inadvertently made me better able to cope with my illness. The conflict... I do still love John very much, but he did hurt me very badly. How can you not love someone you had a life with for five years? Do go back with John and inevitably hurt Steve and lose his friendship of ten years? Or do keep my promise to Steve and wait for him to return from the war? I love them both very much, for very different reasons. It basically boils down to this. Do I return to a man who will never love me the way I deserve to be loved? Or do I stay with the man who loves me more than I could ever love him?
Devildog Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 My husband, John, of almost five years (whom I have a child with) asked for a divorce in June while he was away on a field trip with the university (over the phone). Interesting timing. Something happen on this field trip perhaps? I'm thinking some little classmate had something to do with that. A few days ago my ex-husband confessed his love for me. He said that he could not deal with my mental illness and felt that after five years, I would not get better. The thing is... I did get better. About a week after being home from the hospital I was fine. No more crying, pill popping, etc. He told me it wasn't fair that Steve gets the healthy me because he left the sick me. Which inadvertently made me better able to cope with my illness. ...in sickness and in health... He didn't want to stand by you through the rough times, but thinks he should get another chance when things get better? Perhaps he was a major contributing factor to the problems you had? My XW decided she wanted out a few months after the death of our infant daughter. I was in a serious state of depression after the death of my daughter. And rather than stand beside me through the hard times, she decided to have a fling with her high school crush. Which of course drove me deeper into depression, which got me to the point of going to a counsellor. Now, I am in a much better place, and lately my XW has been testing the waters for a second chance. It isn't going to happen because of what she did. Not just the infidelity part of it, but when I thought there was nothing that could hurt more than the loss of a child, she proved me wrong by taking away the rest of my world. It basically boils down to this. Do I return to a man who will never love me the way I deserve to be loved? Or do I stay with the man who loves me more than I could ever love him? It doesn't sound like much of a choice to me here. Go back to the guy that hurt you the most by not standing by your side at your worst moment, or stick with the guy who lifted you up out of your worst moment.
Mrs. Fiona Shrek Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 I really needed the reassurance. Thank you! I am sorry about your daughter, my prayers are with you and yours.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Nothing tests the strength of a relationship like illness and the loss of a loved one. Any weaknesses in the relationship and commitment will only be intensified. I speak from recent experience on this one. In the last few months I've struggled with the development of a debilitating disease, and the man I was seeing just dumped me last weekend. He used all sorts of excuses...work, too busy and overwhelmed to give me what i need. But i really think that it had a lot to do with the fact that I have been sick...sick with the same illness that his mother suffers from. He would say that he was worried about me all the time. Well, I think he just couldn't handle it. Had he been more committed to me, he would have stuck around, and his professions of "we'll get through this together" would have stuck.
ddnnee Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 devil: that totally sucked man (losing ur daughter and then losing ur wife).
ddnnee Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 devil: that totally sucked man (losing ur daughter and then losing ur wife). jen: ya, nothing better to test the bond strength than a good tragedy. Sometimes these situation makes it looks like humans are the worse monogamic organism on earth. Albatross and swans make best couples =)
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