Age difference, can it work?

[consumed]

I wanted to ask about a situation I have, maybe some of you have been in a similar situation or could throw some advice my way. I met this girl at my work about 2 months ago, she’s 18, I’m 24. I know… it’s somewhat of an large age gap but that’s where my questions come in. About a month ago we talked at a party, and just this past weekend we spent the night at a bar with other friends from work. We both had a great time and I got her number. Everyday this week we’ve talked on the phone, usually for an hr or more. We really seem to have hit it off and have a lot in common something that usually never happened with my ex’s. Not only do we have a lot in common but she has an awesome personality and she’s gorgeous. What I like most is that we have so much in common because I was with my ex for 8 months and our tastes were totally different.

My questions though, for one this year she’s going to college in the fall. She’s told me of her plans to travel this spring for a week and maybe go somewhere in the summer. I know from people at work she ‘s had a thing for me, and well I’m feeling the same way. Thing is, I don’t really know if this could work, and if we did date for a while I can see me falling, and when I do it will hurt. I just got out of a relationship this past fall where I moved to another province to be with my girlfriend only to have her tell me 3 months later to move back. That’s taken a while to get over and I’m scared about getting into a relationship where I know the odds of it realistically lasting might not be great. Truthfully I have to look at things in perspective, because all of the things she’s starting to get into at her age, I’ve already experienced. I’m also worried about getting hurt.

I know you should never look at things in bad ways or be pessimistic but I just know when she goes to University she’ll meat new people, and experience new things. Parties, whatever, I was there myself a few years back. So in the end I’m not sure where to go.

I would like to see where things go but at the same time and here I go with being pessimistic, because of her near future I can’t see things really going far. If it did that would be really cool cause she’s awesome, but realistically could it go far in your opinion? In a way you could say we are on different pages in life.

Also I'll add we have a date for later this week.

[Lint21]

It sounds like your main concern is the simple difference in age.

 

In my experience, age differences can be overcome, but they do present challenges that are not present in other relationships. If you feel strongly about this girl and aren't afriad of a little extra work, you can make it work.

 

However, be aware that there will be differences between the two of you that your ages will dictate. This is especially true given her age (18). She's fresh out of high school. She doesn't know much about the real world, and life in general. No knock against her, she just lacks experience compared to you at this point. She is probably less mature than you are. You probably won't have much in common with her friends (unless you usually hang out with 18 year olds).

 

If it were me, I'd be pretty skepical, and as a result, take things very slowly. That is, don't move in with her or anything. It's easy to overlook things like relative maturity when you're freshly smitten by someone. After a few months, all that should clear up and you'll have a better picture of how much you actually like this girl.

[Lala7819]

Well, for me it works. I'm an 18 year old female, and I'm in a relationship with a 22 year old. I'm just going into college, and he already has a degree. I live in the US, so he can legally drink, but I can't. Luckily, he doesn't like to drink, so he doesn't hang out at bars or anything ehre I wouldn't be able to go. Our only real maturity difference is that he's had more experience with the opposite sex than me (since he does have 4 years of time on me, that's very understandable.) It's a known fact that girls mature faster than boys (of course, ther are exceptions to the rule at times.) So after highschool, most girls go for older guys. Age difference doesn't really matter once you're out of highschool anyway (It's much less noticeable.) The difference with my experience is that I had to grow up faster than most, was living at a school with dorms and the whole college type experience at 16. I did the new friends, partys, drug and smoking experimentation, ect. early and got it out of my system, where as most people do that when they go off to college at 18 or 19.

I'd say try it, but don't start or plan on ending up at a serious level quickly. Date, hangout whatever, and when she goes off to college just see how it goes, if and how much she changes, ect. If you guys end up going your separate ways, so be it. Just make sure you go into it with caution (try not to allow yourself to fall too hard, or too quickly.)

[consumed]

(try not to allow yourself to fall too hard, or too quickly.)

 

that's what I am affraid because I already am and she will be going to college this year. I want this to work, and I hope it works but at the same time I don't want to fall too quickly only for things to end soon. When we talk on the phone and she tells me of her plans to go to school, travel, and other things in gereral I think wow, all those things I've been through allready. In 4-5 years she will come out a different person so to speak because she will have experienced so much. 5 years ago I was getting out of highschool. Since then, I've been in a few serious relationships, I've traveled a bit on my own and with friends, and I'm now working in my field. So I guess I'm just really scared of getting hurt because in the next few years she'll be going through so much, and throughout all that can this work? I want to give it my best, I'd love for this to work out. I guess I'm just scared, she seems to be so awesome and I'm scared of getting hurt as I did this past fall.

[TheSwordfish]

It can easily work. Don't worry about it. You'll probably bump into some issues later on, but if you guys have a good relationship by then you might get past them.

 

Only thing is that a 24 old has a fully developed personanilty (well hardly changes after 21) and an 18 year old might still be in a completely different part of their development. Depends on the person though. Then again, girls mature more quickly then guys.

 

I'm a 24 year old guy and when comparing my current self to my eighteen year old self I can say I am not more serious about life or anything. Nowadays I'm way more confident about myself and I have a job, and a college degree. Dating students (girsl in college) is working perfectly well for me.

 

We don't have a campus here (because we have lots of university's in this small country) so most girls have their own home or live with their parents while in college. I think it would make things harder if you have to live apart.

 

Well, I'm talking to much. Just enjoy it for now and see where things will go. you are still young yourself. Why worry now?

[consumed]

That is part of it aswell, the whole developed personanilty and maturity. I've dated a 17yr old before but when I was 22 and it didn't work out. Whenever we would talk, she would go on with gossip and who's dating who and just her regular talk in general wasn't on the same track I thought like. But then I was 22 so of course I wasn't going to think the same right. It's the same way now when I talk to this girl. She's also into gossip and teen stuff and being 24 I just think totally different now. My last 2 serious relationships my gf's were 2 yr's older then me so I'm use to girls acting really mature I guess though even now at 24 I'm not looking to get married or have kids any time soon at all. I still just like the freedom to go out with friends and do things, parties and have a good time though I am forcusing on my career as-well. I really want to make this work though, so best I can do is see what happens and just take things slow I guess.

[TheSwordfish]

I can relate to that. (story mode alert!!) Reminds me of this wonderdull girl I met on the bus. I was a 22 year old student practicing to be a teacher in a primary school. One day I started talking with this gorgeous girl at the busstop . It was immidiately clear that she was interested (body language). We couldn't stop talking and flirting. We met each other every day on the bus, and this old man (always on the bus a well) set us up (well he asked her what she thought of me, and she answered that I was the cutest guy she ever met ). So i got my act together planning on asking her out. But during one of our conversations on the subject of going clubbing in general she started talking about her parents and their rules and that made me wonder how old she was. She turned out to be 16 years old

 

A friend of mine (on the same bus) made lots of fun of me (Calling me Michael Jackson!). I thought this girl was 20 something! I thought the age difference was to big.

 

But then again 25 and 18 could work. And besides, some women stay into gossip all of their lives. Don't plan ahead to much, have fun during the next few weeks/months and you will see how things work out. If things don't go to well there are enough other girls on this planet The fact that you want this to work is a good sign though!

[consumed]

Did you find that being older made it easier to deal with the maturity levels because of you're experience or was it still hard sometimes. Most of her friends are 17/18 so alot of the time the talk and actions are going to be totally different then I am expecting. Like places they hang out or things they like doing. I knew a guy once who was 32 dating a 19yr old. Now that was an age gap and at time's I felt sorry for the guy because he put up with alot of stuff. In the end it didn't work though. But then my good buddy is 30now but at 28 he married a 19yr and they'e been married for 2yrs so I guess not all girls are the same, they each mature differently with the situations they've had to face in life.

[TheSwordfish]

That is so true. I don't know about you, but I enjoy coming in those palaces I used to go as a 18 year old for teh nostalgia and the same old way things are going. Coming back as a 24 year old puts things in perspective. But then again, a younger person won't understand what you're laughing about, nor will she feel the nostalgia you feel when walking into a club where the majority of people is between 16 and 19.

 

But you are having fun with her aren't you? With older girls or any girl you meet you will have to meet her friends that seem to be on a completely different planet as well, don't you think? If she's sweet, nice and attractive I wouldn't worry to much. If it is a long term relationships, she and her friends will mature as well.

 

I enjoy reading you're posts here very much, I'm curious how things will evolve because we're about the same age. (Isn't it stupid that love makes us worried instead of just happy most of the time?) (Well that must be the dark side of having brains )

[consumed]

Yeh, love makes us worry all the time. I know what you mean about the clubs and going back to them at an older age haha, you kinda just laugh off all the things you did or that happened when you were their age. The feeling you get from walking into those places in which like you said the majority of people are 16-19 is priceless. Brings back all the memories but you feel I dunno.. more in control, maybe because you've got alot more knowledge of things now. It's funny being 24, now I look back on those past relationships and I can finally see and understand where it went wrong, or what was I thinking back then?!? But that's life I guess, we learn from experience. It sucks I've had to go through some tough break-ups but as I was telling a friend of mine the other day it's made me come out a better person. I'm more stonger and it has let me gained alot of insight and knowledge into relationships. I've been in a relationship with someone 2yrs older than me with 2 kids and a ex husband and I was living with her. I've dated a few girls in their late teens when I was 21-22, and I was in another serious relationship for over a year with someone who was also 26.

When you said Ill be meeting their friends who'll seem on a completely different planet then me, I can understand what you mean by that too. Mostly though friends who are 17-18 because well... being 22 at the time, again you're expecting different behaviour.

I don't want to let myself fall fast because I'm worried about the whole situation, if it will last or where things will go. Time is the answer to everything. I just hope it works, she's really awesome.

[buzzie2]

Hi, I don't think that the age difference is that big of a deal. You guys are only 6 years apart in age, I mean thats nothing!! I dated a guy that was 44 and I'm 27. I think from what you've described that you have both got a lot in common,and would be a great pair.

I think the issue isn't the age factor, but the fact that you both want different things in life. You said she is off to college? Well that is a very important time in a young womans life. It is a time for her to broaden her horizens socially and economically. She will learn a lot of things about life going to college.

You are right to be worried about her meeting new guys, especially since you stated that she is so attractive and has an awsome personality.

But there is still hope- it just depends on had badly you want this to work. My advice for you is to stop beating around the bush with her, phone her up, and just let it all out. Tell her how you feel . Let her know that you wish her well for when you goes to school, but that you don't expect to hear from again until she decides that she wants to be with you. Waiting around and not knowing if she will ever come back to you is just too lonely a future.

I believe that you need to let this woman go. If you truly love something, you need to let it go. If she comes back to you, she will be yours forever. Otherwise, it was never meant to be.

 

Pick up the phone and make that call.

good luck!

[consumed]

We've been talking on the phone everyday this week We both feel the same about each-other.