LonelyinOhio Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 ok...I've held back on posting my situation, but here goes: I need anyone and everyone to weigh in on this one, so all input is appreciated: My ex dumped me, and two days later, we "unofficially" were back together. I assumed this was because my ex realized the breakup was an overreaction. One week later, my ex left me again. I was in emotional hell, for three weeks of little or no contact, and I was going through all the pain of a breakup. Then, we started talking, emailing, phoning, seeing one another and voila! we were back together again, over the holidays, for 3 weeks of pure bliss.....lots of "I love you" and "never felt closer to you before" (we dated for 7 months or so). We went through a wonderful christmas together and New Year's, and on into the new year....then one day, my ex leaves me AGAIN. In every case, it was "I love you, but something just isn't right"....she was NEVER clear on why, or what she was feeling, and swore she could not get a handle on it herself, it just didn't "feel right" to move forward (we are both in our 30's).....so then two days later I get a voice message on a completely unrelated topic, and a few days after that, a text message on a completely unrelated topic...I finally responded with a statement asking her to respect my boundaries and not reach out to me again. This was more than a week ago, and I've heard nothing since. I'm proud that I put forth my best effort and made it clear that it wasn't ok to just reach out to me for whatever silly reason. But now, nothing is happening! And I'm panicking that I made a bad decision to send that, or that she really doesn't care..... Any insight ? -lonely in ohio
UT_longhorn Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 shes respecting your request. you asked her not to contact and shes respecting that. and let me tell you...its hard for her not to pick up the phone and call you too. maybe not as hard as it is for you, but still not easy for her. Its over man. don't go hoping. and dont contact her. let it go. if it was meant to be...she will run back hard. dont take small text messages or calls form her as a sign she wants to get back. she must break down your door. but for now...dont even think about her coming back. move on.
LonelyinOhio Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 UT....Honestly i've had no desire to contact her AT ALL, simply because i know the value of NC. But i've had no urge to reach out to her. I'm just having a hard time finding closure of any kind because of how it ended.....out of the blue and without much explanation. I guess if there is one thing i'd like, it would be for her to reach out to me and provide some of these answers for me....but i will *not ever* reach out to her...i am strongly committed to nc. So, i carry on, and move on. It would be great to know how she is taking this....maybe.
LN8840K Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 You told her to not call you anymore, so she stopped calling. It has nothing to do with whether she cared or not, I'm sure it hurt her when you said that and I would not advise calling her very soon unless you want to deal with the rath of a women who was rejected. The only closure you can expect is accepting it's over and moving on.
CaliGuy Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 My ex basically said the same thing to me. "Something doesn't feel right." That something, unfortunately, is you. As with my ex, it was ME. Stick to NC. You're doing the right thing. You have all the closure you need. She said something wasn't right and if you involve yourself at all with her life right now you will cloud her decision making process. If she really does love you and want you in her life, she'll let it be known. Until then focus on healing yourself, working out, hanging with friends and working on self-improvement. There's nothing you can do to change the past, but if you truly let go, you will control your future, not her.
LonelyinOhio Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 I don't quite get why SHE would feel "rejected"...she's the one who left ME, remember? I didn't "reject" her -- she's well aware of how I feel about her...which is that I love her very much. But I feel I had to ask her to stop communicating with me, because her communications were silly little irrelevant items that just caused me to lose healing time. So I guess I take issue with you that asking someone to respect boundaries that THEY put in place when they dumped is, is the same as rejecting that person.....at the same time, knowing her like I do, I'm sure it didn't make her too happy for me to write that to her. I just feel I had no choice.
gfto Posted January 28, 2006 Posted January 28, 2006 This just goes to show you that once you're out, you're out. Never go back to a woman who dumped you, because she WILL get rid of you again, as you've just found out the hard way. You did the right thing by cutting off contact, but now you have to be tough enough to stick to it! Incidently, your "break up" wasn't sudden for her. The woman starts slowly losing interest in the man long before the man realizes it. And, she'll never give you answers as to why. The answer is that in some way or another, you probably weren't being enough of a challenge for her, and that lowered her interest. But, she'll never tell you that.
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