mithoca Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I'm going to keep specifics out just to remain anonymous....but just soo you know, we are 27 yrs old.... I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 and a half years now. On our first date she told me she bought a plan ticket a few weeks earlier to move to California. She was career searching and finding herself professionally. We were in the same state for 3 months, then she moved. From there we were together long distanc for almost a year. During this time I found out that she has been battleing depression for almost her whole life. Since then she has moved back...great! Infact it has been a little over a year in the same state. She moved in with her parents and has been looking for jobs, started her own company amongst other things. However she is still "finding" herself. We live about 45 -60 minutes from NYC. Now her big solution is to get a job in NYC and eventually move in....without me. Not that she doesn't love me, but she is not ready for that step...so she says. I do understand her wanting to be in the city, majority of her friends are there, however that leaves me high and dry and once again out of state. Now I know this isnt too much of a long distance, but given the time we have been together, this really hurts.Feels like a stab in the back. I'm questioning if I need to stay with this girl, if she is just fickled about life and all that surrounds it including me or is she just looking for happiness from her depression. For the 2.5 years we have been together, her moving into NYC seems like it would cause the inevitable, if not. atleast put us backwards. What do you guys think...I'm stumped.
NYCmitch25 Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 I'm going to keep specifics out just to remain anonymous....but just soo you know, we are 27 yrs old.... I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 and a half years now. On our first date she told me she bought a plan ticket a few weeks earlier to move to California. She was career searching and finding herself professionally. We were in the same state for 3 months, then she moved. From there we were together long distanc for almost a year. During this time I found out that she has been battleing depression for almost her whole life. Since then she has moved back...great! Infact it has been a little over a year in the same state. She moved in with her parents and has been looking for jobs, started her own company amongst other things. However she is still "finding" herself. We live about 45 -60 minutes from NYC. Now her big solution is to get a job in NYC and eventually move in....without me. Not that she doesn't love me, but she is not ready for that step...so she says. I do understand her wanting to be in the city, majority of her friends are there, however that leaves me high and dry and once again out of state. Now I know this isnt too much of a long distance, but given the time we have been together, this really hurts.Feels like a stab in the back. I'm questioning if I need to stay with this girl, if she is just fickled about life and all that surrounds it including me or is she just looking for happiness from her depression. For the 2.5 years we have been together, her moving into NYC seems like it would cause the inevitable, if not. atleast put us backwards. What do you guys think...I'm stumped. Oh Com'mon, do you live in Poughkeepsie, White Plains, Yonkers, Fairfield, Hobok? Am I close? You share with me and I'll share advice with you.. you seem very Internet fearful, what do you think is going to happen? Are you THAT important? OK let me lay off, I'll talk while I'm downloading MythTV ATrpms over VNC. The fact that you are questioning the relationship certianly says something about the state of it and her moving to the city is a big deal. Have you told her how you feel and if not, why would you expect her to know how you think about it? Has she tried to talk you into comming down with her or something to that effect? Personally I would try to figure out where you fit into this equation and act accordingly. I guess I would try to figure out what she wants out of you and if it's nothing, leave her. Lastly, being in NYC most of the time would be a problem if you don't have a very stable relationship as the city that never sleeps doesn't infer people don't sleep with each other... often (please refer to "Sex and The City" series). OK other system is still updating RPMS... let me continue.. I had a gf that was going to FIT in the city trying ot be a fashion superstar and I liked the fact that she was gone a lot of the time, I spent much needed "man time" with my buddies and she came home on the weekend to see me. I generally had little worries because she was basically up my ass all the time and had little interest or time for other men. Anyway, it's hard to really gauge what you are going though without knowing her, for example is her depression causing her to have strange behavior such as purposely sabotaging relationships? Anyway, you seem to fancy her, let her know that, try to be there for her, be her rock, and ask her where she see's herself in 5 years, and if she paint a picture with you in it!
Author mithoca Posted January 26, 2006 Author Posted January 26, 2006 That all makes sense...I don't have an internoet fear, just don't normally post, i guess just a bit skeptical....anyways. We are both in NJ. Part of her problem is she doesn't know where she sees herself in 5 years. Thats a question I have aready asked in so many words. You make good points. Thanks for that.
Flicker Posted January 28, 2006 Posted January 28, 2006 As a person who has both depression and a boyfriend of 2 and half years, I can sympathise with your predicament. I have just moved in with my boyfriend myself and am finding it really hard. Before when I got down, or had a random cry or just couldn't get out of bed, he didn't have to know. I was able to keep all that stuff I didn't like about myself at my place. Have you thought that maybe she wants to get herself sorted out before she takes on someone else? Having depression and career direction issues is a lot to deal with. Adding a 24/7 boyfriend to the mix could be the straw that breaks the camels back. This could be her view point. Does she know you want to live with her? You should not only make it clear how you feel, but show her that by living close you can make her life better, not harder. Just a thought...
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