JadeStar Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Holy Crap just found out from my husband that a good friend of ours, her husband is cheating on her. Do I tell her or not? How about going about it in a round about way? Or say nothing? I see it both ways really, I feel she has a right to know because if the shoe were on the other foot I would want to know. But then again maybe its none of my business and she may find out on her own. Hubby just called and told me he saw her husband out kissing another woman, not on the cheek either. They were coming out a a hotel! Help me out here! Jade
alphamale Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Holy Crap just found out from my husband that a good friend of ours, her husband is cheating on her. Do I tell her or not? How about going about it in a round about way? Or say nothing? the proper (and only) way to handle this is to tell him that you and H know and that he should tell his wife. if you do anyting else you'll be in deep doodoo. 1
lilmoma1973 Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 If it was me i would tell .. Jade wouldn't you want to know if the shoe was on the other foot.. I know i would tell cause what if she found out you knew and didn't tell ..She would end up hating you from keep it from her!!
LBC Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 the proper (and only) way to handle this is to tell him that you and H know and that he should tell his wife. if you do anyting else you'll be in deep doodoo. I agree with this. but on the other hand, if the wife does find out about the A and finds out that her friend Jade knew before hand and didnt tell her she will feel betrayed by hubby and her friend. tuff situation to be in
a4a Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I have this info also on a friend...... he cheated on his wife..... however I can see why he did....... it was a one time thing.... I did not tell.... But if this is a dear friend of yours I would confront the H before telling the wife..... also a good chance she will go into denial or he will tell his wife that you tried to nail him and he turned you down....... these things can get very twisted. Perhaps tell the wife you suspect something? Leave it at that? a4a
blind_otter Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 the proper (and only) way to handle this is to tell him that you and H know and that he should tell his wife. if you do anyting else you'll be in deep doodoo. Yep. This is what you do.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I have this info also on a friend...... he cheated on his wife..... however I can see why he did....... it was a one time thing.... I did not tell.... But if this is a dear friend of yours I would confront the H before telling the wife..... also a good chance she will go into denial or he will tell his wife that you tried to nail him and he turned you down....... these things can get very twisted. Perhaps tell the wife you suspect something? Leave it at that? a4a Yeah tell the wife you suspect something so to speak put a bug in her ear and let her see for herself as a4a .. Hadn't thought about that with the h saying you wanted him!! Either way it is a tuff thing to be in the middle of..
Author JadeStar Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 I agree with this. but on the other hand, if the wife does find out about the A and finds out that her friend Jade knew before hand and didnt tell her she will feel betrayed by hubby and her friend. tuff situation to be in Exactly! Grrrrr!! I hate this. I have never been in this kind of situation before so wasn't sure how to go about it. Maybe I could go about it in a round about way, like tell her I was reading a book on affairs and what can happen or something like that? Jade 1
a4a Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Jade it is easier that way. Tell her a friend is in this situation blah blah blah blah....... You have to tell her..... or confront the tongue sucker husband. If you confront the tongue sucker......the wife may lose ability to do what she needs to do..... he may empty accts ect.... a4a
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 That is an awful place for you to be in. You could do one of many things. 1)Alpha's suggestion. Which is really good because it will put her H on the spot! 2)You and your husband tell her together. 3)You talk to her husband and tell him that your husband saw the action and the hotel. 4)Invite them over for dinner and your husband casually mentions seeing him at that motel and makes some comment "So, I guess you two are sneaking away for nooners eh?" Act all innocent. Like you don't know wtf happened. 5)Just come out and tell her the truth. As much as it will hurt I think she would probably appreciate it. I don't know!!
TUDOR Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 My advice is don't go about this with the sole intent for his wife to find out he is being unfaithful but instead approach it with how you can help this couple. The wife has a right to know but at the same time you do not have all the facts. For all you know they both are being unfaithful or have some kind of "open" relationship agreement, etc, etc. In any event don't let the distaste of what you just found motivate you to ruin this guy or their marriage. Encourage your husband to have a one on one with him and tell him what he has seen and ask what is going on. Get all the facts and then give the husband the chance to make it right and save his marriage. By just blowing the whistle on this guy, you will be taking away this couple's ability to work it out it out on their own and strengthen their relationship ultimately by letting the husband being the one to tell her. If they don't make it then they don't, but give them the chance to work it out by confronting the husband with what you have seen. My 2 cents. 1
a4a Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I know if I was the one being cheated on and you confronted my H before me that would piss me off. The H knows what is going on..... The W does not. Not exactly a level playing field..... unless they have an open relationship. To be fair and Tudor is right, you should talk to her about options on working it out. Dont just say you heard or you H saw him screwing around and end the conversation. Go a tad further and attempt to help beyond just dropping the news on her. a4a
Author JadeStar Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 That is an awful place for you to be in. You could do one of many things. 1)Alpha's suggestion. Which is really good because it will put her H on the spot! 2)You and your husband tell her together. 3)You talk to her husband and tell him that your husband saw the action and the hotel. 4)Invite them over for dinner and your husband casually mentions seeing him at that motel and makes some comment "So, I guess you two are sneaking away for nooners eh?" Act all innocent. Like you don't know wtf happened. 5)Just come out and tell her the truth. As much as it will hurt I think she would probably appreciate it. I don't know!! WWIU before I read your reply I was just thinking of something along the lines of number 4. that you suggested. I was thinking maybe after dinner when we are sitting around talking, getting hubby to say something outloud like, "Hey (insert name) I thought I saw a guy that looked just like you the other day coming out of (name of hotel)". And leave it at that. See how he reacts, and see what the wife does? Is that ok? This stinks! Jade
Author JadeStar Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 My advice is don't go about this with the sole intent for his wife to find out he is being unfaithful but instead approach it with how you can help this couple. The wife has a right to know but at the same time you do not have all the facts. For all you know they both are being unfaithful or have some kind of "open" relationship agreement, etc, etc. In any event don't let the distaste of what you just found motivate you to ruin this guy or their marriage. Encourage your husband to have a one on one with him and tell him what he has seen and ask what is going on. Get all the facts and then give the husband the chance to make it right and save his marriage. By just blowing the whistle on this guy, you will be taking away this couple's ability to work it out it out on their own and strengthen their relationship ultimately by letting the husband being the one to tell her. If they don't make it then they don't, but give them the chance to work it out by confronting the husband with what you have seen. My 2 cents. Tudor you're correct, and it would be the sole purpose to try to help. I don't want to see this happening. For all I know his wife may know. They both may be doing something I have no clue. I know I don't/want go into anything full force and with both barrels a blazin, thats not my intent. This stinks! Jade
a4a Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 no Jade the W is already being decieved..... no sense beating around the bush...... sit her down, take her car keys, get the kleenex...... and just do it. Hell go out and buy her a damn book on how to fix your marriage...... help her and him.... I think by dropping hints it will just hurt all parties and more hurt feelings will pop up. Give then a phone # for MC. a4a
lilmoma1973 Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I know if I was the one being cheated on and you confronted my H before me that would piss me off. The H knows what is going on..... The W does not. Not exactly a level playing field..... unless they have an open relationship. To be fair and Tudor is right, you should talk to her about options on working it out. Dont just say you heard or you H saw him screwing around and end the conversation. Go a tad further and attempt to help beyond just dropping the news on her. a4a Totally agree
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Either way the whole situation SUCKS thanks to her husband. There is no right way here, is there? I'm sitting here trying to figure out something else. I mean, you could sit her down and just ask how things are going at home. Just say you've picked up on afew vibes and are wondering if things are okay...That could be enough to make her LOOK at her husband and watch him abit closer...I don't know!
LBC Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 That is an awful place for you to be in. You could do one of many things. 4)Invite them over for dinner and your husband casually mentions seeing him at that motel and makes some comment "So, I guess you two are sneaking away for nooners eh?" Act all innocent. Like you don't know wtf happened. OMGosh wouldnt that be awkward. Wife would say, what are you talking about? (As her hubby chokes on chicken bone.) jade Hubby says, Oh, I just saw you and your hubby at Motel 6 the other day. then Jade stands up and offers coffee to change the subjet? :lmao: ok sorry, that aint helping ya, but imagine the scene
TUDOR Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Tudor you're correct, and it would be the sole purpose to try to help. I don't want to see this happening. For all I know his wife may know. They both may be doing something I have no clue. I know I don't/want go into anything full force and with both barrels a blazin, thats not my intent. This stinks! Jade You are in a tough place with what you know. But get all the facts before painting the wrong picture to the wife. And while I always think it is the spouse's right to know if thier spouse is cheating on them, there is a right and wrong way to go about it. Let us know how it works out but proceed with good intentions and not resentment or anger for how you feel.
d'Arthez Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 My advice is don't go about this with the sole intent for his wife to find out he is being unfaithful but instead approach it with how you can help this couple. The wife has a right to know but at the same time you do not have all the facts. For all you know they both are being unfaithful or have some kind of "open" relationship agreement, etc, etc. This cannot be stressed enough. Now the hard thing is to find out how to go and accomplish that. It will take a lot of effort - but the straying husband should definitely be given a chance to explain himself. Confidentiality must be assured then - it would be ruined, if he would suspect his wife would be told regardless of the reaction he displayed. Let them have a chat about all things, and mention the fact that he has been seen at "the end" of the conversation. So that the straying husband has reminded himself first of his duties (as explained by himself), and things that can be expected from him. And remind him again, of his own ideas and thoughts on these matters. It may even not be necessary to threaten to tell his wife (I would not recommend threats). The ball will be in his court. And if you catch him again with this woman, only then you need to take the tougher approach. It may be necessary to have a similar "talk" with the deceived wife. Whether or not that is outright telling his wife, only circumstances and reactions can tell by then.
Author JadeStar Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 Thanks so much all. I'll see what I can do and let you know how it goes. Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Thanks so much all. I'll see what I can do and let you know how it goes. Jade Hope it goes well Jade good luck...
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