Guest Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 He had a responsibility to love and honor me, support me, and love me as Christ loved the church and he failed on all accounts. Just because I broke the other vow doesn't make me any worse than he was. He broke vows too, just like I did and just because the one I broke was the physical one shouldn't make it any worse. Obviously we are at odds, you will continue to blame your husband for your wrongs and I will continue to believe that you are not being honest with youself. I am letting it go, best to you and I pray you find what you are looking for in this life, whatever that might be. God Bless Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I'm confused as to why I should feel guilty for the things that he did? Am I 100 percent responsible for his actions??? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I'm confused as to why I should feel guilty for the things that he did? Am I 100 percent responsible for his actions??? Of course! you're supposed to debase yourself completely. Whenever H gets home, make sure that you are completely prostrate on the floor so he knows that he can walk all over you. Also, paint a target on your head so he can make sure to step directly on your face. When people are hurt they always personalize everything, anyways, Mz.P. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Thanks Babe! I'm wondering where at all I said I wasn't taking responsibility for what I did?? I think I've been rather clear that I have.......... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Thanks Babe! I'm wondering where at all I said I wasn't taking responsibility for what I did?? I think I've been rather clear that I have.......... :lmao: Wish I could help ya -- was wondering the same thang meself! Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Thanks Babe! I'm wondering where at all I said I wasn't taking responsibility for what I did?? I think I've been rather clear that I have.......... "Do I blame him??? Damn skippy. He was just as to blame as I was." THIS IS NOT TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONES ACTIONS! sorry, but it just isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 "Do I blame him??? Damn skippy. He was just as to blame as I was." THIS IS NOT TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONES ACTIONS! sorry, but it just isn't. Is it just me, or is this taking full responsibility for one's actions, as well as admitting that both parties are at fault? Sadly there is never a "good guy" and a "bad guy" in relationships, AFAIK. Most of the time we aren't even fighting each other. We are fighting ourselves and our own baggage, which tends to clash with other people's baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Yes, and I believe several times, I have said, yes, it was me who stepped outside the marriage, yes it was me who made that decision. Sometimes people want to only pick out certain points of a post....... I'm wondering if it's possible for me to admit that enough that people stop judging me?? Oh, I'm sorry strike that, because they are really not suposed to judge me in the first place..... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Yes, and I believe several times, I have said, yes, it was me who stepped outside the marriage, yes it was me who made that decision. Sometimes people want to only pick out certain points of a post....... I'm wondering if it's possible for me to admit that enough that people stop judging me?? Oh, I'm sorry strike that, because they are really not suposed to judge me in the first place..... Aren't you judging your husband? Pretty harshly at that! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 "Do I blame him??? Damn skippy. He was just as to blame as I was." THIS IS NOT TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONES ACTIONS! sorry, but it just isn't. Taking full responsibility for your actions does NOT mean taking full blame for every blessed thing that went wrong in the relationship. It means taking responsibility for the things YOU did wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I don't think it's realistic to think people won't judge you for committing adultery. Would they judge you for other acts of immorality? Yes, probably even acts that are less offensive than adultery. Why do you think you should be free from judgment? I will take the blame for stepping outside the marriage to get those needs met before I ended the marriage, but I will not take the blame for having needs that he refused to try and meet. That's right, he refused. I repeatedly told him what I wanted and needed and he didn't give a shxt. Period. So you should have had the stones to get out, then and there. Don't f*ck with other peoples' lives and then say, "Boo Hoo, I was in a bad situation and this was my fix!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Good post Chump and Silk. I'm wondering if it's possible for me to admit that enough that people stop judging me?? It is part of life - Deal with it. Some will judge you and others won't. You have to be the one to decide NOT to let it bother you. I think though that maybe your own guilt is allowing you to maybe feel worse because you knew it was wrong. No harm, k. Just making a point here... Oh, I'm sorry strike that, because they are really not suposed to judge me in the first place..... Ofcourse, noone wants to be judged. With that being said, I'm sure noone wants to be cheated upon either... Sorry, nothing against you, I just feel that had to be said. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Ofcourse, noone wants to be judged. With that being said, I'm sure noone wants to be cheated upon either... Well, of course not, I never said that it was enjoyable. But you know, when you tell someone exactly what you want and they repeatedly do not even attempt to work on things then you kinda get the clue that they really don't care about much. Of course I feel guilty sometimes, I've said as much several times. Not guilty enough to want to go back to that life, however. I've also said before that I admit I should have moved on before I cheated. Some people think that is so simple, when in reality it's not. First of all, you don't set out to cheat on your spouse, it's a gradual thing. You don't just wake up on morning and say, "hmmmmm, I think I'll go cheat" It starts off innocently enough and then Bam, before you know it, you're in over your head. I don't really care what people think of me, otherwise I wouldn't come here and admit what I've done. There are lots of other people on this board, pretty well known posters, who have been cheaters too- because I've gotten PM's from them but they don't come out and say it because they don't want to get bashed. My purpose is to help others who are going through what I've gone through and I do believe from the comments I've gotten that I have done that. Might not always like what I have to say, but that's okay too, I'm going to shoot it as straight as I can. Bottom line is once again, happy people do not cheat. I'm not saying that everyone that cheats has a spouse at home that is not meeting their needs, because I know it does happen. But there is a high percentage of the time that that is true, according to research at marriage builders and other websites. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 "Judge not, that ye be not judged." Easier said than done, that's true enough. MzPixie has righted her wrongs as best she can, taken responsibility for what's hers to be responsible for. And she stands testiment for a whole lot of other folks who have fallen into the adultery trap. She's helped ALOT of folks come to a better understanding of the causes of infidelity. And I for one, respect her for it. I would hope that anyone seeking to 'judge' her would read EACH AND EVERY ONE of her previous posts before "casting the first stone". Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Wait Ladyjane, aren't you judging people for judging Pix? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Wait Ladyjane, aren't you judging people for judging Pix? Regarding the judgement of MzPixie? I judge her to be 'okay in my book' and an all around 'good egg'!!! I didn't say anything about anybody else though. Everyone will have to make their own decision on what's right or wrong when it comes to the judging of others. Link to post Share on other sites
castle26 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I don't think it's realistic to think people won't judge you for committing adultery. Would they judge you for other acts of immorality? Yes, probably even acts that are less offensive than adultery. Why do you think you should be free from judgment? I will take the blame for stepping outside the marriage to get those needs met before I ended the marriage, but I will not take the blame for having needs that he refused to try and meet. That's right, he refused. I repeatedly told him what I wanted and needed and he didn't give a shxt. Period. So you should have had the stones to get out, then and there. Don't f*ck with other peoples' lives and then say, "Boo Hoo, I was in a bad situation and this was my fix!" Why don't some wives "feel guilty" for the fact that they haven't made their husbands happy enough to remain faithful? There's two sides to everything Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Why don't some wives "feel guilty" for the fact that they haven't made their husbands happy enough to remain faithful? There's two sides to everything who says we don't? also, the marriage vows I made said "for better or worse" when it get's a little worse, that's no excuse to go playing with somebody else. If you want out, then get out, but don't go off with somebody else until you are out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Nothing like blaming the victim, Castle! Would you ask a rape victim whey she didn't stop her attacker? Here's another question. My husband says he was happy (or that he thought he was). So if he thought he was happy, and he didn't know otherwise / didn't act otherwise, how could I have possibly known? But aside from that, no, I will never feel guilty for a choice that he made to step over an inappropriate line. He could have made other, better, choices. Even asking me for a divorce may have been a better choice, at the time that he made it. My kids were toddlers. Now they are preteens. Splitting up (IMO) would have been much easier when he started screwing around 10 years ago, than it would be now. Edited to add: He claims that he felt guilty but he compartmentalized it. I'll never get that. Link to post Share on other sites
RubixCube28 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Well I think it all depends on the situation and how the relashionship is going.. I mean for me personaly it use to be if I wasen't happy.. And I thought the other person was screwing around with me.. Then I kinda end it and moved on just some times I forgot to tell the other person LoL.. But if your with a decent hearted person who.. Treats you well and you just go and have your self.. A roll in the hay for kicks then thats kinda screwed up.. Why bother even being with them then?? Not to mention all the STDs running rampent any more..Yikess.. STDs are closer then you think.. I once had a roomate I lived with.. Seamed like a nice enough normal guy.. Till one day years later I found out he had AIDS.. So be carefull people you never know.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Why don't some wives "feel guilty" for the fact that they haven't made their husbands happy enough to remain faithful? There's two sides to everything Absolutely! It's the same thing for the wife who never wants to have sex, I mean never, and their spouse cheats on them. I'm not talking about when one spouse is unable to have sex for illness or something but when they just refuse. There are some situations, however, when the man or woman just can't be made happy, period. Those people are serial cheaters and will never be faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 But Pix and Castle, you are both assuming that the unhappy partner communicated his / her unhappiness. Some of us are completely blindsided. You can't take blame for not fixing a problem you're not aware of. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Ok. I'm going to admit that I feel very little guilt over what I have done with my OM. The thing is I don't know why I don't feel bad. I know that I should feel bad and therefore stop fantasizing the OM. But the problem is, I find myself so in love with him that I can hardly emphasize with what my H would feel if he found out. I even want to divorce my H so that I can marry the OM. Is this normal? When am I going to "wake up" and repent for my sins? I want to understand this myself, so please don't bash me. I am sincerely seeking help here. I am not a bad person in other ways... (ok, that sounded like I was making excuses for myself.) Admittedly, my marriage isn't great either... another excuse/reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 It sounds like there is no real "marriage" there. Do you love your husband? Is there anything redemptive in your marriage? Maybe you feel no guilt because you have desire to stay with him / you don't care about him? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Maybe you feel no guilt because it isn't over yet. My H felt no guilt until he had stopped - or began stopping the A. According to other's I have read, the same seems to apply. . . Link to post Share on other sites
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