blah1234 Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I know that we all have done some really stupid/pathetic things after having our hearts broken for one of the first times. My story: When I was a Sophomore in highschool, I met this girl. We never officially dated, but we made out all the time for around a month period. I was really infatuated with her, but looking back, she was a complete whore. She once told me that she had sex at the age of 13 because she "wanted to get it over with." So, after awhile I really wanted to date her, but she found this other guy. Well, she'd tell me all the time about how her "thighs were sore from the night before" and I just freaked out (post-getting dumped psychosis, I guess). I would IM her like every day begging to take me back. I did everything I thought would help - even marriage proposal! Once she told me that part of the reason she didn't want to date me was because I was still a virgin and she didn't feel right taking that away fom me. Well, (I feel so stupid even writing this) I begged her to have sex wih me. If I only I could go back in time and just kick my ass for even wanting her and being such a pathetic sap. Post script: After a short time I got over her and she started dating this obese crack addict that was like 7 years older than her. She got into all sorts of drugs, had a whole **** load of pregnancy scares... I guess karma is a bitch. Since that she also dated this guy for around 2 years. He was also like 5 years older than her and he was pretty much a really bad and failed musician. I actually ran into her on new year's eve 2006 and she invited me to a party, but I declined. Man, that girl is a huge whore...
j.carsey Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Most pathetic thing i've done after a break up? probably drink. Pathetic because drinking is best enjoyed while happy, NOT while sad. nobody needs it, it's never good for you and it's usually what losers do in dank bars, alone. So i gave that up. off topic, but why not... I knew a guy who was studying journalism at university. Wouldn't exactly call him my friend. Anyway he apparently was getting nowhere with the ladies, and then stories started to trickle back to me from girls i went to high school with. they said this guy has become known on campus for begging girls to have pity sex with him. like he plays up what a loser he is, just so someone will sleep with him. WOW that's gotta take the cake
Author blah1234 Posted January 26, 2006 Author Posted January 26, 2006 hahahaha... "I'm such a loser!!! SLEEP WITH ME!!!" Oh, man... I wish I could see that.
Pyro Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Most pathetic thing? Probably would be all the time and energy that I wasted on being depressed. I spent so much time to myself after my first break-up thinking over and over that I would never meet anyone as good as my ex. Boy was i wrong.
Author blah1234 Posted January 26, 2006 Author Posted January 26, 2006 I mean... what's the most pathetic thing you've done to get someone BACK?
Pyro Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 My mistake. This topic doesn't apply to me then. In my experience, once you break up, the scars remain and it will never work.
ddnnee Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 ah most pathetic? i had a gf (we'll call her mimi) for 10 months and she cheated on me with my BEST FRIEND (call him huy). I found out and she dumped me right away to be with him. anyway i begged her to be with me again and i don't care that she slept with him. its been like 3-4 years now, and now i think back... SICK. hell no would i want sloppy seconds from my "bestfriend". good thing she reject me at the time cuz i didn't want to support that b|tch. plus she was used up since 13... i recently found that my xgf dumped my xbestfriend and found another guy. ahha...
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Let's see... in the last week I've gotten drunk and wrote "you suck" on his car windshield in lipstick. Begged for him to take me back. Drunk called him. Written numerous emails to him asking why he lied and hurt me. Stayed in bed for days. Stopped eating. Stopped taking medication. Sobbed endlessly. Stopped doing the things I need to in order to survive. I know it's all foolish, and yet I'm so depressed and feel powerless to stop it.
lindya Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Let's see... in the last week I've gotten drunk and wrote "you suck" on his car windshield in lipstick. Begged for him to take me back. Drunk called him. Written numerous emails to him asking why he lied and hurt me. Stayed in bed for days. Stopped eating. Stopped taking medication. Sobbed endlessly. Stopped doing the things I need to in order to survive. I know it's all foolish, and yet I'm so depressed and feel powerless to stop it. Jen - you need to start taking that medication again right now...and go to see your doctor. There's absolutely no man on earth who is worth risking your health over in this way. Never. You're not powerless here, and you need to allow your brain to take in that message. Okay - so maybe you can't control the guy's thoughts and decisions about the relationship you had with him. That's out of your hands, but he's not the one who's making you behave in this self destructive way. It's your own mind that is being your worst enemy here, and it's torturing you in a way that you don't deserve. Please, make an appointment right now with your doctor. Tell him/her that you stopped taking your medication and that you think you urgently need some counselling. If the doctor prevaricates and says they don't know how long it will take to set that up, ask about crisis counselling telephone lines. You need to be your own nurturer here. Start to imagine the person your ex hurt as being someone separate from you. Someone you feel protective towards and want to help....rather than someone who should be punished. In a sense, be your own parent - because right now your "child" is running riot...and if you don't take it under control, the consequences of that could remain with you for far longer than any pain you feel about this break up. 1
Devildog Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 ...she started dating this obese crack addict... An obese crack addict? How does that happen? Seriously, I thought crack addicts were all like walking, anorexic-looking, emaciated skeletons. Isn't crack supposed to be like the greatest diet plan known to man? Makes you all hyper and what not? My most pathetic thing? Walking four miles in downpouring, monsoon type rain in mid-November to bring my now XW flowers at work.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Thank you Lindya. I think today (it's early morning here in the US) I'm going to call my doc and ask for some mild sedatives...something to numb me for awhile while my brain sorts out the pain. And then I'm going to go and drive out to see my dear old friend who has no idea this is going on with me. And then I might go find the most decadent tearoom and try to eat the fattiest scone I can find. Maybe some retail therapy will help...not really buying anything...but window shopping. 1
lindya Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 And then I might go find the most decadent tearoom and try to eat the fattiest scone I can find. Good for you! Enjoy... My most pathetic attempt to save a relationship involved an abortive and terribly sad seduction attempt. Not recommended if you value your ego, but not necessarily a bad move for those who wish to learn the art of not taking themselves or their ego too seriously. Only recommended for those who have instant access to a supportive network of friends...who will wait at least 3 months before laughing about what you did.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Lindya, if I thought I could even get close enough to him in order to try a seduction attempt, I'd probably try it even if it meant throwing my self-respect out the window (cause I have none left). But, alas, he won't return my calls, emails....and even though he lives next door, he sneaks in late to avoid seeing me on the street.
lindya Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Lindya, if I thought I could even get close enough to him in order to try a seduction attempt, I'd probably try it even if it meant throwing my self-respect out the window (cause I have none left). But, alas, he won't return my calls, emails....and even though he lives next door, he sneaks in late to avoid seeing me on the street. No - that f***er doesn't deserve a seduction attempt. You've done enough for his ego as it is. My view is that during a break up you should make one very obvious effort to save things. If the other person doesn't respond to that, or at least appreciate that it takes a certain amount of courage (as well as, perhaps, a bit of insanity) to lay your feelings on the line like that, then you walk away and you never have anything to do with them again.
slubberdegullion Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 She broke up with me over the phone. I was not a happy guy. I let it slide for a few days, then I drove to her house (about 2 hours away). She wasn't home, but her mother was, so her mum & I chatted for a bit. (Her mum & I got along very well, she was a very sweet lady.) When milady came back, she saw me in the house chatting with her mum. I got up to give her a hug, she pulled away, I tried again, she pulled away again - remember, this is all happening right in front of her mum - and I got down on one knee and pleaded with her to take me back. She said no. I cried. What an a$$ I was.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 What would constitute an "obvious effort to save things"? I mean, does that include calling him up (and leaving him a voice message because he won't answer your calls) and crying about how much you love them and how you thought they were different, and how much you miss them and you just want your love back? Would it mean giving them the valentine's day gift you'd hoped to give them, but you can't return it because it was custom made? Does it mean sending them copies of the emails where they promised they would never hurt you?
slubberdegullion Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 does that include calling him up (and leaving him a voice message because he won't answer your calls) and crying about how much you love them and how you thought they were different, and how much you miss them and you just want your love back?Nope. Would it mean giving them the valentine's day gift you'd hoped to give them, but you can't return it because it was custom made?No way.Does it mean sending them copies of the emails where they promised they would never hurt you?Nadda chance. Everything you've described here is a form of emotional blackmail, and a man of quality will have none of it. The best thing you can do is to make yourself a better person. In time - and it will take time - he may eventually see that you're confident, attractive, intelligent and well rounded. If he comes back to you because he's attracted to those qualities, great. If not, that's ok too, because you'll be a better person regardless. Good luck!
lindya Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 What would constitute an "obvious effort to save things"? I mean, does that include calling him up (and leaving him a voice message because he won't answer your calls) and crying about how much you love them and how you thought they were different, and how much you miss them and you just want your love back? Jen, that would be far far too much. You should only tell someone once that you love them and you want to try to save the relationship. However degrading it might feel, I think it's worth one shot for someone you're convinced you love. If they don't feel the same, then there's nothing more you can do except focus on picking up your shreds of dignity and moving on. I admire people who have the guts to lay their feelings out on the line when the odds are stacked against them. Risk-takers are just more attractive, to me, than are cold types who have resolved to never ever make fools of themselves for the sake of love. On the other hand, you've got to know when to draw the line....and you have to draw it now.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 How would he see anything when he won't ever talk to me?
slubberdegullion Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Risk-takers are just more attractive, to me, than are cold types who have resolved to never ever make fools of themselves for the sake of love. Speaking as one who's taken exactly those kinds of risks on more than one occasion for the love of a good woman, and been rejected every single time, without exception, I only wish that the women I knew were as open-minded and caring as you, lindya. losing myself in dark memories today...
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 I sent him an email asking him this: how do you say “i love you” to someone and then a couple of days later tell them you don’t want them in your life anymore? how do you do that? please tell me how to turn my heart to ice like you have so that i don’t have to feel pain…or feel anything for anyone. please teach me your secrets of deception and emotional detachment so that i can use people and don’t have to care about anyone ever again so i’ll never be hurt again
lindya Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Speaking as one who's taken exactly those kinds of risks on more than one occasion for the love of a good woman, and been rejected every single time, without exception, I only wish that the women I knew were as open-minded and caring as you, lindya. losing myself in dark memories today... Oh slub. The worst thing is that when you do take a risk like that with someone, you generally know 90% that it's not going to pay off. My ex referred to it as "desperate", but I prefer to call it closure. I don't like my life to be filled with "if onlys"...so sometimes I've gone that bit further than dignity dictates I should, simply to avoid future regrets. Probably it's the case that the person you take the risks for won't appreciate or admire you for it....but I'm convinced that it helps to shape you into the sort of individual that better people will gravitate towards. Think of the Radiohead anthem to self-loathing.... "Creep". Written for the unattainable girl in a university union. Who was she? Just a transient figure in the song-writer's life - who, for whatever reason, inspired him to write a great song.
loony Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 I sent him an email asking him this: how do you say “i love you” to someone and then a couple of days later tell them you don’t want them in your life anymore? how do you do that? please tell me how to turn my heart to ice like you have so that i don’t have to feel pain…or feel anything for anyone. please teach me your secrets of deception and emotional detachment so that i can use people and don’t have to care about anyone ever again so i’ll never be hurt again I hope I won't come across as cold or bitchy, but from my pretty much detached and neutral point of view sending this email was a really bad mistake. I didn't serve any purpose than making him feel really guilty, because he broke up with you and it will make him especially feel bad, as it's obvious that you are in great pain. His guilt will be so great that it will make him turn against you in order to avoid facing his own shameful behavior. By pointing out what an idiot he is you won't achieve anything. I think few people in this situation would accept that they caused someone pain and that this would require an apology, most often they become defensive or start blaming you for the deterioration of the relationship in order to justify their bad behavior and lack of spine.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 I didn't serve any purpose than making him feel really guilty, because he broke up with you and it will make him especially feel bad, as it's obvious that you are in great pain. But would it make him feel bad? I mean, if he had the capacity to feel bad, and he really did mean it when he said he loved me, then why would he dump me on the phone when I was so sick with pneumonia?
loony Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 But would it make him feel bad? I mean, if he had the capacity to feel bad, and he really did mean it when he said he loved me, then why would he dump me on the phone when I was so sick with pneumonia? Because he very likely was a stupid, confused, immature jerk, but it doesn't mean that at his core he's a bad person with evil intentions of hurting anyone's feelings. He's simply too stupid to understand the negative impact his actions had on you and whatever you say to him now will not change anything. If he had known how to avoid causing you pain he probably would have done it, but I guess, he's not mature enough to understand the whole implication of his behavior.
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