Ncoco4069 Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I'm trying to keep this one short... Recently while I was crying and upset my s/o was acting very harsh. He called me a crybaby; accussed me of throwing temper tantrums; and acting that way "when I don't get my way" ect. I admit I do cry a lot. But I've explained to him many times that that's how I deal with strong emotion. If I'm mad, I cry; if I'm sad, I cry; if I'm happy I cry; sometimes I just need to cry to cry. He's been dating me for over a year and a few months and he should realize that's how I react under extreme emotion. He's been showing suttle actions of being "out of love" with me... but when I approach him to talk about it he says I'm overreacting. The convo's usually end up with me crying. Was this convo just him showing one of those suttle signs?
kitten chick Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I think it's too hard to tell from your post Ncoco4069. Is there anyone that knows you well that you can talk to about this? Regardless of how you acted, name calling isn't appropriate in my book and I think he could have found a better way to approach you with his feelings about your behavior.
slubberdegullion Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 A person can have a drink or two a day and not be an alcoholic. But when the booze starts to interfere with one's normal relationships, then there's a problem. Same thing with crying. Shedding a tear now and then is fine, even healthy, but when it starts to interfere with your relationship, there's a problem. You've got a problem.
Weye Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Nobody wants to date someone who cries every time something goes wrong. Perhaps you should find a different way to deal with your problems.
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Can I ask you something? And please, don't take this the wrong way...But during a conversation with him, and I mean a "talk" have you ever NOT cried? Dig down deep and ask yourself WHY you are crying? Is it really truely because you're a very emotional person or is it because you feel something else? And by something else I mean by maybe closing down so you don't have to open up and really talk to him. Crying is healthy but to cry so many times (daily) seems to be too much. It IS an issue with him and enough so that you've picked up on a vibe. He may not feel comfortable enough to say how he feels because you're going to cry and that is making him feel ill at ease. I hope what I'm getting at makes sense...
violet_21 Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I am a crier too lol.. my bf reacts kinda similarly. I get totally overwhelmed when I get upset, and start bawling. I really hate it, I mean crying is ok sometimes but all the time is not fun for me or anyone! I actually think its because I have low blood sugar. It is not deadly, or bad, don't be scared please check out this link: http://www.hypoglycemia.org/ One of the commen symptoms is crying spells and easily crying, mood swings etc.. Anyway, just a possibility
bluechocolate Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 ...and he should realize that's how I react under extreme emotion. What do you mean by 'extreme emotion'? I think everyone, men & women, will cry under extreme emotion. Shedding a tear now and then is fine, even healthy, but when it starts to interfere with your relationship, there's a problem. You've got a problem. I would tend to agree with that statement. I used to work with a woman who would burst into tears when under a lot of stress & it was a high-stress environment. It drove me insane!! Working with & going out with someone are different, but the net effect is probably the same. It means that all conversation ends, the focus is taken away from the issue at hand and placed on the crier and the person on the receiving end is portrayed as, or made to feel like, a bully for making some girl cry. And sooner or later you are forced to the conclusion that it just isn't worth your time or effort to deal with someone like this on anything other than a superficial & light-hearted level. A business relationship couldn't survive that and an emotional relationship? Never.
kanga Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 ok, i'm this way too. anytime something is wrong and we discuss it, i get teary or sobby or similiar. it's a problem. ok. so what's the solution? is there an easy one? i too thought this was just how i am, and nothing can be done.
Walk Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I'm not sure I understand what you mean by crying. Like breaking down and balling, sobbing, can't talk your crying so hard? Or just some tears and a runny nose? I cry a lot too. Especially in intense situations. I've gotten a little better as I get older, but it's damn hard to communicate with people when I get that way. And usually those are the times I need to be the most clear and rational, not upset and crying. The only way I was able to control it was by focusing on an object near me for 20-30 seconds. Blank all thoughts out, and just "be" the object. It's usually enough to stop the emotions from taking control. The other way is deep breathing for several breaths. Like meditating kinda. Or excuse yourself for 5-10 minutes, blow your nose, calm down, and then go back. Explain to your bf why you need a minute, and ask him to be patient with you for a while so that you can work on addressing issues without becoming so emotional. And that you are attempting to not be so emotional when talking with him. He may not be happy about it, but if you're showing some effort to reduce your emotional reactions then he should be willing to allow you some space to work on that.
bluechocolate Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 ok, i'm this way too. anytime something is wrong and we discuss it, i get teary or sobby or similiar. it's a problem. ok. so what's the solution? is there an easy one? i too thought this was just how i am, and nothing can be done. Unfortunately I'm not a psychologist or a therapist so I don't know what the solution is. I'd suggest that before looking for a solution you discover why you are like this in the first place. On that note I could hazard some guesses & get all deep & analytical about the causes. It stems from infancy when crying was a defense mechanism & mode of communication that worked to great effect. And perhaps later in childhood you never learned to deal with confrontation properly & constructively & became conditioned that the best thing to do was to resort to tears, which may be fine when you're a child, but when you're an adult it becomes manipulative passive-aggressive behaviour - 'I won't enter into an argument or discussion about this, I'll just start crying & it will all go away'. It could have something to do with an unhealthy fear of rejection & feelings of insecurity, 'oh this person is mad at me, that means they're going to leave me & they don't love me anymore....'. Most likely it's a combination of some or all of these things, but like I said I'm just guessing here. That woman I worked with actually once said through her tears, 'You've made me cry!'. WTF!?! I didn't make her do anything. (Lordy!! this must sound like I was such a bastard at work!) If this is a problem in your relationships then what I do know is that saying, 'this is just how I am', is not a solution. We all have the capacity for change.
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I am a crier too lol.. my bf reacts kinda similarly. I get totally overwhelmed when I get upset, and start bawling. I really hate it, I mean crying is ok sometimes but all the time is not fun for me or anyone! I actually think its because I have low blood sugar. It is not deadly, or bad, don't be scared please check out this link: http://www.hypoglycemia.org/ One of the commen symptoms is crying spells and easily crying, mood swings etc.. Anyway, just a possibility If you have low blood sugar then you need to always have small meals throughout your day so it doesn't drop and affect you that way.
TheSwordfish Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I was crying when I met you, now I'n dying just to let you... What was the rest of that song? Just talk about it in a orderly fashion. That might help
933KJL Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Am I really the crybaby he says I am? Yes, so stop all this incessant whining already!
l2hvn Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 I actually think its because I have low blood sugar. It is not deadly, or bad, don't be scared please check out this link: http://www.hypoglycemia.org/ One of the commen symptoms is crying spells and easily crying, mood swings etc.. Anyway, just a possibility that probably explains why im sensitive sometimes. i am hypoglycemic (fainting spells, palpitations, etc. but never thought of crying spells). i have managed to control my emotions when im under stress, say in a heated argument with my bf. i used to cry because i would be too mad/upset/angry but ever since i've done yoga, i've learned how to breathe properly when stressed. so try yoga. it might help.
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