Why do men continue having sex with their wives while having an affair?

[Sami_D]

Well, it's too bad you look at it that way. I'm not hijacking the thread. This is what leads to stereotyping. It was a valid question pertaining to the subject. Women are just as guilty. To concentrate on men cheating, while having sex with their wives leads to man bashing......

 

Well according to this place it's only Men who have affairs, and it's only Women who are in affair situations with a married partner.

 

Not true, but it's just LS.

[Sami_D]

Because most of the time they love their wives, and are having an affair for fun. Usually they aren't "completely in love with their affair". They are telling her they are, because that's want she wants to hear.

 

If indeed he does end up divorcing his wife and marrying the OW, then guess what? Most of the time, he's going to have another affair.

 

It was the affair he enjoyed. Not necessarily the woman he was having it with.

 

The 'it could have been anyone' argument. I am sure that some men think that way about women they're involved with, but think of this:

 

If a man thinks that way; 'it could have been anyone' - what makes the W think they're any different?

 

'It could have been anyone' he had an affair with? Then it probably could have been anyone he chose to bear his children and wash his dirty laundry.

[Sami_D]

I

Men just love sex. The journey from point A to B is pretty direct for us, and done with alot less inner agonizing. It doesn't mean we're a less loving gender or less emotional, it doesn't even mean we feel less for our wives. It means, very simply, that men just love sex. This disconnect is mind-boggling to plenty of women who can't fathom how or why we screw around when there's a loving woman waiting for them at home.

 

There are also plenty of married women who will have sex (and love) with an OM because those things are missing in their marriage.

 

I know. I have two close friends who are OM involved with Married Women. And the women don't seem to be SO very different from some of the 'worst' kinds of MM I hear about.

[Sami_D]

I was the MM ... and I did stop having sex with the wife

 

There you go. Always an exception to the 'rule'.

[Sami_D]

I am in a relationship with a MM and I am a MW. The question about the sex thing just doesn't come up. I want to ask about it all the time, but I know better than to do that... I don't ask him.

 

The thing is, MM and I decided in the beginning that we have to be mature about this, no ranting and raving, no questions about home life...we were just going to fill the emptyness in each other's lives. We had a discussion before going through with this about what we wanted, what we expected, and what we didn't want.

 

Here's the problem...one does not expect to get so emotionally attached to someone in the beginning, and when it happens, of course it is going to cause some hurt feelings imagining your lover in bed with someone else.

 

YOU need to ask yourself some hard questions. And then ask him the same. You have moved on from that initial time. If he hasn't... and you are feeling bad about this... then some changes need to be made.

[Sami_D]

I believe a person will continue having sex with their spouse while having an affair because stopping sex with the spouse would cause suspicion, and for whatever reason, they do not want the spouse to know about the affair. It hardly proves that they love their spouse!

 

Well exactly. Having sex with the W means 'love' but having sex with OW is 'just sex'?

[Sami_D]

They will continue having sex with their wives for any number of reasons. One of which is, they LIKE SEX... Another reason, for a lot of men, is because they honestly love their wives.

 

But when they have sex with the OW, it's just sex. Of course it is.

[Sami_D]

i don't think she was stereo-typing, she was asking specifically about reasons why men do this, as in reasons, if any, particular to a man.

 

if i ask "why do monkeys eat bananas?", then i don't need to know why a rhino eats bananas, if it even does.

 

it's not about who's guilty, or "how dare these awful men do this to innocent wives?"

 

men and women have different reasons for lots of different things. she wanted to know about men.

 

start one on women, you may seem some different answers, though you probably won't agree with those either.

 

what do rhinos eat, anyway?

 

I don't think there's a huge reason to come down on someone trying to redress the online imbalace of OW vs OM stories. What is the reason for that?

[RainyDayWoman]

I don't think there's a huge reason to come down on someone trying to redress the online imbalace of OW vs OM stories. What is the reason for that?

 

 

blah. i answered this, but i changed my mind. i'm so tired of people reading things as attacks (or "coming down on someone") just because their opinions are different.

 

are there exclamation points everywhere? insults? mean words in bold? no. some people really need to learn to toughen up a little.

[Sami_D]

blah. i answered this, but i changed my mind. i'm so tired of people reading things as attacks (or "coming down on someone") just because their opinions are different.

 

are there exclamation points everywhere? insults? mean words in bold? no. some people really need to learn to toughen up a little.

 

Are 'coming down on' posts only indicated by the plethora of exclamation posts?

 

I don't see anything abnormal/to be commented on about someone saying 'hey it's not just MEN who do this, it's women too' about a particular thread.

 

Reading too much into things alert.

[No Stress Lady]

And then you get into a long-term marriage situation... and she's not as interested in sex (for whatever reason)... and you have to beg... and she has a headache... and you get sick of asking...

 

Seems to be what lots of MM say to the OW - but surely any wife knows that sex is a major part of marriage - surely she must suspect he's getting it elsewhere?

 

The other thing is that, as discussed in another thread "Who has it worse" - the only party who has the full picture is the MM - the OW is never going to know what really goes on - or doesn't - in the marital home.

[RainyDayWoman]

 

Reading too much into things alert.

 

 

um, yeah...but i wasn't the one doing it.

 

my point was that the original post was being read into...and not correctly, because there was a reason it was being specific.

 

you're not so bad, sami. i think you're fun. and do you by any chance know why when i click on "last page" it doesn't load?

[silktricks]

But when they have sex with the OW, it's just sex. Of course it is.

 

seems to me you want very badly to believe that the W is ALWAYS the one being tricked. If you had read the entire post - which I'm sure you did - I was not being univeral. I said many - not even most - but many. Many I am sure of. Many MM continue having sex with their wives because they honestly love them.

 

I'm sure that many also have sex with the OW because they honestly love THEM.

 

There are no universal truths. Just truths.

[Sami_D]

Seems to be what lots of MM say to the OW - but surely any wife knows that sex is a major part of marriage - surely she must suspect he's getting it elsewhere?.

 

Well, I would have thought so. But then, you'd have to actually care about your H and the relationship in order to even begin to think about it.

 

Then, looking at it another way, not everyone attaches so much importance to sex in a relationship. Not everyone attaches so much importance to communication, and love in marriage. Not everyone gives a flying whatever WHAT their spouse is doing as long as they're not bothering them. I think that's the way a lot of people (mostly women?) view sex.

[Sami_D]

seems to me you want very badly to believe that the W is ALWAYS the one being tricked. If you had read the entire post - which I'm sure you did - I was not being univeral. I said many - not even most - but many. Many I am sure of. Many MM continue having sex with their wives because they honestly love them.

 

I'm sure that many also have sex with the OW because they honestly love THEM.

 

There are no universal truths. Just truths.

 

No, I don't want badly to believe anything.

 

And I agree with you... nothing is universal.

[strongj]

I'm with Moose on this one

[Guest]

I am a MM with a mistress; however, my mistress knows I will not leave my wife, We set ground rules in the beginning. My W and I do sleep together. My mistress is living with someone and sleeping with that person as well. We never lied to each other about it but I would imagine that men lie about it in fear to lose there marriage. My mistress and I got invovled knowing neither one of us would leave our marriages so I would say a man would lie depending on the situation. If he is lying to the mistress to begin with and giving her a false illusion of a relationship that could turn into marriage then he is going to lie to make his mistress feel like she is the only one for him.

 

Just my thought.

I hope you are protecting yourself from any disease, a woman who give you easy sex it may give to somebody else. use condon!

[catgirl1927]

I think someone who will cheat will do anything. I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, but then again maybe I do. I think cheating is the most hurtful thing you can do.

 

My question is, how can you let someone who cheats on you stay in your life? I would never trust them again, I certainly wouldn't want them around my children, and I would NEVER be able to be intimate with them. I've never been in a relationship longer than 7 years, so maybe it has to do with longevity...

[silktricks]

I've never been in a relationship longer than 7 years, so maybe it has to do with longevity...

 

That could be part of, though I know women who have forgiven men who've been unfaithful when in a far shorter relationship than 7 years. There are probably a lot of different reasons for a lot of different people. Just like there are a lot of different reasons for cheating, and different kinds of it too.

[DreOh6]

Why do men continue to have sex with their wives while having an affair? Even if they are completely in love with their affair and plan on leaving their wife? After he leaves the wife and divorces her, how does the new woman handle the thought that he continued having sex with his wife?

Because they don't want to draw her attention by making major changes in their routine. And what right do you have to demand he stop sexing his wife? You're the side piece. Don't overinflate your position.

[Blind Illusion]

I would have to say that I have still continued to have sex with my husband as I know my lover does with his wife. We are living with our families, we go on vacations, raise children, etc. I guess sex is just part of that. It's never really been stated otherwise, although I know he went through a patch of little sex a few years back as I have too.

 

For myself, I can say that the amount of sex in my marriage has diminished. Partly, that because of my A but it's also the result of how my husband is. (you can't exactly badger & put down someone & then expect them to feel amorous on demand)

 

If I could have my lover full time, I do know I wouldn't think twice about never having sex with my husband again, though. This old adage has a sexist ring to it & I don't really believe it entirely but every once in awhile, I do wonder if there isn't a slight smidgeon of truth to it.

 

WOMAN CHEAT BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG,

MEN CHEAT BECAUSE THEY CAN.

[Chump64]

WOMAN CHEAT BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG,

MEN CHEAT BECAUSE THEY CAN.

 

 

I would think this would offend a lot of OW.

[Blind Illusion]

WOMAN CHEAT BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG,

MEN CHEAT BECAUSE THEY CAN.

 

 

I would think this would offend a lot of OW

 

I meant no offense, nor did I make up the quote. Besides, if anything I am a woman first, other or otherwise, and I don't really like to make blanket generalizations.....but

 

It has been my experience with the subject of affairs, that the motive for womaen looking outside their marriage is emotional, first, sexual, second. And often it is after all other remedies have failed. I know, in my own situation, I wanted my husband to go to marital counseling or even discuss our problems, but he wouldn't. I am not saying that a man doesn't have similar gripes ever though.