Situation, someone want to point out what I did wrong? (Grab a cup of coffee)

[ShopStAr101]

not for a long time i would say or until u have a better notion of her

[cygny]

If she is dating a guy, does it change any of this?

 

even better if she is dating someone

 

shows her you have some ba!!s and are not going to let him horn in without a go

[TheTallOne]

not for a long time i would say or until u have a better notion of her

 

I am sorry... not for a long time? As in, don't go after her for awhile? See what happens?

[TheTallOne]

We ran into eachother on monday night. I had a lot of my mind/was busy, so I was acting kind of aloof in doing stuff.

 

She txts me later that night asking me what it is that I want... she wants to know if she can talk to me, or are we going to act like strangers?

 

I said I'd like to have a conversation with her... she responded saying that I was acting ice cold.. and she thought thats what I wanted from her too. I said no.. thats not the case.

 

Yesterday, she tries to get in touch with me on two occasions. Both times I wasn't around the PC/cell. I left my AIM on (without a away msg) and left the room for awhile. I txted her back (she left me a msg) saying that I wasn't ignoring her, I just didn't get back to the PC in time. She said that it was alright..

 

She txted me awhile later saying that she could use a "thigh massage" after her work out at the gym that night. I responded with "is that an offer?" She said that didn't know.. she would have to think about it. (or something to that effect)

 

I considered all this a door open, so I contacted her today via txt and told her;

 

1. I'd like to try dating again.

 

2. I wouldn't date anyone at the same time.

 

3. I wouldn't ask whats happening with the relationship etc.

 

4. I'd take it slow to get to know her better, as a person.

 

I sent it a few hours ago, she hasn't responded it. Either she is ignoring me, she is thinking.. or (for whatever reason), she hasn't gotten it.

 

Waiting sucks.

[lexilas]

she was coming on hot and heavy with calling a ton, while wanting to take it slow. I tend to leave phone convos (espically long ones) with girls I am in a relationship with.... not ones that I am not. That is my preference anyway.

 

 

You sure put yourself in a box - aren't you ever spontaneous? If you are having a good phone conversation with a female, why worry about it? Does your above-referenced rule mean that much?

 

You asked for advice for future relationships:

 

1. Relationship is give and take - so give a little, take a little.

 

2. This previous relationship attempt seemed to be a bit one-sided, with her doing most of the chasing (except for you initially asking her out).

 

3. Don't be so rigid in your thinking, you stifle the potential for interesting conversation by putting limits on what you will and will not talk about.

 

Best of Luck.

[TheTallOne]

Major update.

 

 

 

I talked to her about 2.. and a half weeks ago.

 

 

I told her that I'd like to give it a second shot, and see where it goes. She said that she wished I had told her this about a month ago, as she was already seeing someone. I told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship, just to date. She said that it would be bordering on cheating.. if she dated another guy while she was dating me. It would make her feel uncomfortrable. She said that she didnt want to mess things up with the guy she is dating... until she got to know me better, and then she would be willing to not date him anymore.. and date me.

 

I said fine... I told her that I wouldn't date anyone else.. and see where it goes.

 

In that last two weeks, I've called her every day.. or every other. Txted her.. she always calls me back.. and generally gets back to me via text. Which is good.. it makes her feel happy.

 

However.... this is what concerns me.

 

1) She is generally a flirter. But, she leans on me, rubs my head... my back etc. I generally massage her lower back, and she doesn't say anything or give me any looks.

 

2)The only thing we've done together, per say... is caught up with eachother at school, and at the gym. I asked her out on two seperate occasions last weekend, both times it was a no.

 

The first was a hike, she said that she had to study, as its midterm week this week. I get a txt that morning.. telling me that she actually had to paint that day instead, and unfortunately wouldn't be getting to studying. She then went out that night.. with her sister (I guess to a bar/resturant?) and was out pretty late.

 

The second was out to dinner/quick drink type of deal, she said she didn't have any money.. as she blew it the night before. As she put it "RAIN CHECK PLEASE!"

 

3) The other guy.. non-extistent? She calls me on her break in between classes on Wednesdays.. which I know she has class with him. He is obviously not that big in the picture, if she is calling me/spending time with me/getting all flirtacious with me. Unless she is using me as a crutch.. or him.

 

4)She continues to want me to come by and see her at school (she works at my college), and continues to see when I am available at the gym to work out together/run into eachother.

 

5) So, what the f***? I know its been only two weeks, and I promised myself I'd give her a month to get to know me...

 

6)Tonight I talked to her, I told her that if she wasn't interested in getting together, to let me know.(like.. when I asked her to do something, she rarely gets back to me.. I have to bring it up again) I told her that I wanted to get to know her, her desires, wants etc.

 

She in turn said "I'm not that complicated really".

 

So, I asked her.. her goals in life. she laughed (maybe a nervous laugh?). Said she doesn't really think of anything long term. Her desires... she kind of avoided the whole issue. ASked her what she was looking for in relationships, her desires in one...etc. She still kind of avoided the issue. I wasn't judgemental, just nodded when she gave me very little to go on.

 

She then asked me what time it was... and said she had to be going, as she had to get gas. She told me to have a good night, and she left.

 

I'll continue to keep prodding.. and give it another couple weeks, but... this is getting kind of frusturating.