SadHatter Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Hi guys, I have written a letter to my ex-girlfriend and I just wanted to see what you guys thought about it before I sent it to her. We split up two weeks ago and she's now seeing someone new although I don't think its *that* serious. Anyway, your advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated... Although I am gutted at finding out that you and (let's say Peter) are now an item, I felt the need to let you know how I feel. Although this morning you told me that the fact I love you and have acted this way is “pathetic”, I am not writing this for sympathy. The way and amount in which I love you is the most genuine thing I have ever known. This letter isn’t meant to have a go at you but help show you how I feel. A letter felt the best way to say the things I have not been able to recently. I don’t know what I expect really from writing this, maybe just to get my feelings out, maybe I secretly hope you’ll miss me and we’ll kiss like a scene from one of those romantic films you love because you realise how much I love you and that we’re meant to be or maybe I just want to say sorry for some of the truly ****ty things I have said and done to you during the last year. All I ask is that you keep this letter private between us its just for my (well say Jade's) eyes. Firstly, I just want to say thank you for being there for me for the last year, looking after me when I was ill and bringing all of that food around for me, it was so sweet. Thanks for listening to the endless hours of me waffling on worrying about my mum and my Nan being ill and always understanding how I feelings. You’ve been so generous to me, extending this to Christmas, spoiling me like never before. Thanks for helping me grow musically, supporting me, coming to gigs when I’ve sung, being my best friend for the past year even when at times I’ve been a complete wanker. I love talking to you, I could talk to you about nothing on the phone for hours (and we usually did. You mean so much to me, more than the world itself. At times I may have struggled to show it, expressing how I felt through buying you things – that top you always looked amazing in, that Chicken Korma that you went on about that night at yours – maybe I just needed to show my appreciation in other ways? Although I am 23, young in relationship terms, nothing has compared to us. No words can describe how you make me feel, your cuddles, and your kisses- each as amazing as the next. Every day I miss you more and more, regretting the mistakes I have made. I’m sorry for the things that I said to you, not just in the past, but more recently since we’ve broken up. Both my pride was hurt and my heart broken because I’ve found it hard knowing the woman who is my soul mate is now with someone else, who in all honesty, could never love you half as much as I do. It’s hurt me in trying to understand how quick your feelings have changed. It was only three weeks ago that you were telling me how much you love me on Xmas day and I was saying the same things to you. Then we had some stupid argument but deep down I really didn’t think we were over. Although you’re now with Peter, I haven’t even as much as looked at another girl since we broke up. I don’t want to. The girl I love lives at *address* and is called Jade. There’s nobody else that comes close to what I feel for you and won’t for a long, long time. I think the thing that is hard for me to accept is that you haven’t actually done anything wrong here. We had broken up when you got a new boyfriend -even my mum and sister agree, saying I’m in the wrong. But I still don’t agree knowing how hard true love is to find, feeling it between us. I understand it is hard for you, and people are pointing it clearly out, because I won’t leave you alone but how am I supposed to do that when I care about you so much. I am sorry, but I really did have to get this stuff out and say it to you because I think I was going to go mad if I didn’t and I would always have regretted not saying anything to you and wondering what would have happened if I had made you see how I feel about you. I’m still struggling to accept that we are over and I truthfully don’t think that you would want us to be either, so deep down I always thought that within a week or two we’d be back together and having snuggles on my bed. I know you keep telling me it’s not going to happen and I have to accept it but I just can’t. It means I have to imagine my life without you. Even now if I look into the future I see you as a part of it…me with a new job and our own place and both of us trying to learn how to cook some bloody proper food! A diet of turkey drummers and chips we’d be left with every night if I had to do the cooking! I want it to be you and me so much that it hurts, and I wish I could make you get your love back for me. As much as Tina tried being with me, she isn’t you and I could never compare you to her. People can vouch for it. That is why this also hurts so much because I never wanted anyone else but you and you haven’t felt the same. I’m sorry for the other night, acting like a complete arse. I came off the phone and burst into tears. I felt so bad at what I had said to you and I cannot tell you how much I didn’t mean it. Even when I was saying it I knew I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to hurt you. Even Tom said “Blimey mate, you don’t half wear your heart on your sleeve don’t you?” He knows how sensitive I am and he knew how upset I was at what I had said and that I didn’t mean it, which is why he said he was going to make sure he told you. It’s a pity he doesn’t know me like you do. Nobody ever will. I’m just hurting so much at the moment and you were pushing me away and being nasty to me. Coupled with the fact that you were with Peter, I just totally lost it and said some unforgivable things. But please believe me when I tell you I didn’t mean them. This letter is what I really feel and mean and by now you must realise that. Do you remember when we went to Brian and Janette's anniversary…I was thinking about it this weekend and how on the way home, we were in the back of the car and were kissing and cuddling and I was so happy. I can honestly say that is the most happy I have ever been in a single moment in my life. I’m totally and utterly in love with you. I just wish that you wouldn’t throw this away because we could make it like that again. I know we could. I’ve even been thinking about me and you and being on holiday. It would be so good, I wish that I booked it when we were together. That would be one of the first things I would do if we were together now…book us a holiday somewhere, just me and you. I just wish you would give me another chance. If you truly do want me to leave you alone when you’ve finished this letter, then I will. It will be hard and I doubt I’ll ever not love you, but I just want you to feel true happiness, I pray you find that with me, in my arms. Since we have been apart my arms are empty without you, my eyes are never dry without you, my bed is lonely without you, my heart is broken without you, Jade…I really love and I really need you. This letter is the most sincere and honest thing I have ever done so please believe me and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me and let me make you happy again. Please don’t throw everything away. I will never hurt you again I promise and I will look after you. I love you so much Jade, my beautiful Jade – you’re the best part of every day. I was thinking of giving this with some flowers?
tanbark813 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 The letter won't bring her back and will probably cement her decision to leave. In 6 months you'll regret sending it. 1
Author SadHatter Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Why will it cement her decision to leave? If someone wrote that to me I would love it!
slubberdegullion Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 DON'T SEND IT DON'T SEND IT DON'T SEND IT Just trust Tan and me on this one, ok?
JumpHigh Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Don't send the letter. I had broken up with a boyfriend once and he sent me a long, sweet letter like that, but it didn't make me come back with him. Actually it made me realize more why I left him in the first place. You need to move on with your life. She apparently has. Things will get better, you just need to give them time.
Author SadHatter Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Thanks guys, Looks like it is a definite no then! I am just surprised as personally I would love someone to send me a letter like that. She is a bit insecure I think emotionally...well I know, she's even admitted it...I just thought maybe if she saw this letter and how much I care about her, she may finally feel secure, i.e. someone does genuinely care about her. We broke up about three weeks ago and she's been dating this new guy for between a week and two weeks, not completely sure. We were together nearly a year (a year this Feb). I think I could win her back if this new guy wasn't on the scene, I seriously would confident about that, but because she has this guy, I don't think she misses/needs my attention - she is getting it front him and giving her attention to him. That is where it complicates it.
hooghie Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Whatever you do, DO NOT send the letter. I am just surprised as personally I would love someone to send me a letter like that. If ANY ex wrote it or someone you still love? If my current BF & I break up today and he sends me a letter from the heart with flowers- I would probably love it because I am still SOOOO in love with him and we would have broken up for other reasons (ex. his drinking). BUT- if my Ex H sent me a letter like that I would probably puke and it would reinforce what I think about him - A PATHETIC LOSER. From what I got out of your post- she doesn't have feelings for you and has moved on. Keep your self respect and don't send the letter.
Author SadHatter Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 OK guys well UPDATE...a very surprising update too. My house phone just rang and to my surprise I hear her on the other end, "Hey ya". She asks what I've been up to and says that she does think about me and my family and misses us. I asked her why she was calling and she said because she wants to be friends...she asked me to see her tomorrow. I said I will let her know. I didn't even mention her new boyfriend and we chatted for about 10 minutes. She asked me what I was doing tonight and I said I have work and I asked her back and she said she's going around her new boyfriend's house. I am totally baffled by this. Totally. I just said "I have to go now anyway, take care" and she said, "Oh OK" and sounded surprised. That was it. Very weird.
tanbark813 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 OK guys well UPDATE...a very surprising update too. My house phone just rang and to my surprise I hear her on the other end, "Hey ya". She asks what I've been up to and says that she does think about me and my family and misses us. I asked her why she was calling and she said because she wants to be friends...she asked me to see her tomorrow. I said I will let her know. I didn't even mention her new boyfriend and we chatted for about 10 minutes. She asked me what I was doing tonight and I said I have work and I asked her back and she said she's going around her new boyfriend's house. I am totally baffled by this. Totally. I just said "I have to go now anyway, take care" and she said, "Oh OK" and sounded surprised. That was it. Very weird. She wants to keep herself on your mind so you can be her backup if things fall apart with her new man. If you don't want her back, or don't want to be her backup guy, then cease contact with her. If you do want her back, then keep playing it cool and aloof. But definitely still don't send the letter.
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 OK guys well UPDATE...a very surprising update too. My house phone just rang and to my surprise I hear her on the other end, "Hey ya". She asks what I've been up to and says that she does think about me and my family and misses us. I asked her why she was calling and she said because she wants to be friends...she asked me to see her tomorrow. I said I will let her know. I didn't even mention her new boyfriend and we chatted for about 10 minutes. She asked me what I was doing tonight and I said I have work and I asked her back and she said she's going around her new boyfriend's house. I am totally baffled by this. Totally. I just said "I have to go now anyway, take care" and she said, "Oh OK" and sounded surprised. That was it. Very weird. Man.. she is being boinked by some other guy... Tell her to take a hike ... You are reading stuff into this that is not there.. NC NC NC NC
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Thanks guys, Looks like it is a definite no then! I am just surprised as personally I would love someone to send me a letter like that. You are not her and she doesn't feel the same way you do. She is a bit insecure I think emotionally...well I know, she's even admitted it...I just thought maybe if she saw this letter and how much I care about her, she may finally feel secure, i.e. someone does genuinely care about her. It will make you look insecure, it will not make her secure. She has to work on that issue on her own. We broke up about three weeks ago and she's been dating this new guy for between a week and two weeks, not completely sure. We were together nearly a year (a year this Feb). I think I could win her back if this new guy wasn't on the scene, I seriously would confident about that, but because she has this guy, I don't think she misses/needs my attention - she is getting it front him and giving her attention to him. That is where it complicates it. You can't win her back unless you are willing to let go completely. That's your only chance. Her heart has to change without your interference.
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 She wants to keep herself on your mind so you can be her backup if things fall apart with her new man. If you don't want her back, or don't want to be her backup guy, then cease contact with her. If you do want her back, then keep playing it cool and aloof. But definitely still don't send the letter. Bingo! She's stringing him along. Never settle for being friends with an Ex you still love. The dreaded "friends zone." *shudder*
JumpHigh Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 If you really want her back. Then you have to play it cool. Make her guess what you are doing in your life. Don't always be there to answer phone calls or see her. If you are always available for her this will never end. Why should it? She get's to do what she wants while truly never losing you. And I am not sure about the friend thing. You can be nice without having to be a mat she can walk all over. Just keep all conversations brief and to the point. Do not talk about her new guy. And above all give her the idea that you are a strong person. Nobody wants someone whose weak and needy.
salmagundi Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 honestly, I hope like hell you didnt send that letter. I sent one something like when I was in high school and I still cringe with shame. Burn it, please. As to friends with your ex? Yeesh, if i've got it right you guys broke up 3 weeks ago and she hooked up with some other guy ...2 weeks ago? Or was it two and a half? Come on...you dont have to be a dick. You can still be nice if you happen to see her in the street if you want but does she honestly have the right to your friendship? Right now? The answer is no, right? I did that too once. Long ago. A girl dumped me but I was in love and a little...I wont say pathetic but maybe not...complettely strong in myself. And still stupidly in love. And she started calling me to do things with her alone or occasiionally even with her new man (who she was hooking up with while dumping me...it was the most seamless transition you've ever seen). Best part was she didnt tell me they were going out. But i was blind to that too because i was in LOVE! Well... by the end of it I was a miserable shell of a man who didnt know who to loathe more, her or me. We talk a year later and I say "yeah so, WTF was with that?" And she was like "oh, I had no idea you still liked me..." What? Anyway, why am I spilling all this...I dunno. Dont be her friend. That would just be stupid of you and inconsiderate of her. If its done you need to FORGET her not be constantly reminded of her... anyway... sal
n/a Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Ok, let me recap the situation. By your own words, you had a volatile relationship. You had a silly argument, YOU broke up with her, she moved on and found herself someone else. She might still care for you, after all, in the majority of cases, it is not quite feasible to just switch off feelings conveniently at the right occasion. I think that considering YOU dumped her, she is showing quite good will, by trying to be nice to you. Is she playing games and stringing you along? Considering that you don't tell us all the information regarding the dynamics of the relationship, from what I gather from posts made by you on this forum and others, no, it doesn't look like she is stringing you along. It seems like she is trying to be decent and be nice to you. You keep professing your love and desire to work things out. She is with a new fellow, that says a lot about where she is emotionally in regards to you. Considering the volatile relationship, considering you dumping her, considering her new boyfriend, couldn't you respect her and love her enough to give her space and time?
salmagundi Posted January 26, 2006 Posted January 26, 2006 Eeeh, sorry, I somehow missed that HE was the one that dumped HER. Sorry, ignore my last post and listen to n/a
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