CaliGuy or others

[phalinn]

11/12/2005 My Gf decided to breakup with me because:

 

- i'm the insecure type

- when we fight, i always threatened to breakup, when in fact i didn't actually mean it...just my stupid male ego

-when she appears cold, i will always ask if there's another guy

 

3-4 days later:

after days of crying and begging she "gave me a chance" by saying 'since you didn't give me space and time, i'll give you a chance'

 

so i planned to go back home (we are 8000++ miles apart) for the winter holidays to surprise her and make up.

 

2 days before i went home (24/12/2005):

-she called saying she wants to breakup for real, because the sparkle, whatver you call it isn't there anymore.

-so i told her i had spent thousands, in flying back and make it up to her.

-she said i'm selfish and said her dad won't allow me to see her if i come back home.

 

I flew back home anyway, and spend the holidays with my family. since i cant see her...i text her, but she didn't reply, any of them

 

5th Jan 2006 - flew back to ireland (i'm from malaysia, studying in ireland, she's in malaysia). and since then didn't contact her at all. strictly no contact.

 

20th Jan 2006 (2.30pm) - she text me asking whether i'm still using the same number. i replied yes i do, and pretended to be cool. she replied ok, take care. i didnt reply

 

(6.30pm) she text me again asking how i am and how am i doing. i did a mistake here saying i'm ok, but honestly a lil bit lonely. she didnt reply

 

(1.50am) she txt again asking whether i'm awake (i was asleep) and asked whether it's ok for her to call

 

i woke up around 4am saying i was asleep already and asked her to call later

 

long story cut short...the call arrived

 

she explained why she didnt contact me (she thought both were unstable so it's not wise to contact. now both are doing ok, it's the time)

 

we then talked about our lives in general. Good things i could get from the conversation:

 

-she did not rule out the possibility of getting back together again in the future

-she said she called because she MISS me

 

the conversation lasted for about an hour or so. but since then she didnt contact me. i didnt contact her either. so from there, should i be the one initiating contact? and how to win her back from there??

[salmagundi]

Well, I'm not caliguy but heres my two bits.

 

Who the fu*k knows what she's thinking. Missing ex's seems pretty normal as does calling them out of the blue months later to tell them so. As does then not doing anything else about it. I mean, maybe once she heard you were still into her, that was all she needed, you know, a little ego stroke on a lonely night when maybe she's gone a few weeks without a date? I dunno.

 

But, hey, maybe she really does miss you. Maybe she is sincere and there is a hole in her heart that can only be filled by you. She initiated contact...so strictly speaking, you are now allowed to call her too. And maybe that is what she is waiting for, to see if you're as bothered as she might be. On the other hand, she dumped you and if she gives up trying to get you back after one phone call, she cant be all that bothered over you either, eh?

 

If you want to sit around wondering, dont call and wait for her to call. Maybe she will maybe she wont. Maybe tomorrow and maybe in six months.

 

If you want to know, and if a few days have gone by, maybe call her up. the worst that can happen is you find her call was an meaningless impulse. In which case you forget about. And honestly? I wish I had the luxury of getting over an ex who was 12000 kilometres away. How could NC be any easier? My ex is five blocks away...

 

salut,

 

salmagundi

[CaliGuy]

11/12/2005 My Gf decided to breakup with me because:

 

- i'm the insecure type

- when we fight, i always threatened to breakup, when in fact i didn't actually mean it...just my stupid male ego

-when she appears cold, i will always ask if there's another guy

 

Bad, bad. You're not confident or secure and that is seen in her eyes as being weak. Women want a strong man, you can't be that way if you are insecure.

 

3-4 days later:

after days of crying and begging she "gave me a chance" by saying 'since you didn't give me space and time, i'll give you a chance'

 

She did so out of guilt. Not good.

 

so i planned to go back home (we are 8000++ miles apart) for the winter holidays to surprise her and make up.

 

2 days before i went home (24/12/2005):

-she called saying she wants to breakup for real, because the sparkle, whatver you call it isn't there anymore.

-so i told her i had spent thousands, in flying back and make it up to her.

-she said i'm selfish and said her dad won't allow me to see her if i come back home.

 

Her anger overwhelmed her guilt so she decided that a second chance was a mistake (never cry over a relationship in front of woman. Bad, bad.)

 

I flew back home anyway, and spend the holidays with my family. since i cant see her...i text her, but she didn't reply, any of them

 

She said no, you text messaged her. You're still being insecure.

 

5th Jan 2006 - flew back to ireland (i'm from malaysia, studying in ireland, she's in malaysia). and since then didn't contact her at all. strictly no contact.

 

20th Jan 2006 (2.30pm) - she text me asking whether i'm still using the same number. i replied yes i do, and pretended to be cool. she replied ok, take care. i didnt reply

 

I wouldn't have replied at all.

 

(6.30pm) she text me again asking how i am and how am i doing. i did a mistake here saying i'm ok, but honestly a lil bit lonely. she didnt reply

 

(1.50am) she txt again asking whether i'm awake (i was asleep) and asked whether it's ok for her to call

 

i woke up around 4am saying i was asleep already and asked her to call later

 

long story cut short...the call arrived

 

she explained why she didnt contact me (she thought both were unstable so it's not wise to contact. now both are doing ok, it's the time)

 

we then talked about our lives in general. Good things i could get from the conversation:

 

-she did not rule out the possibility of getting back together again in the future

-she said she called because she MISS me

 

the conversation lasted for about an hour or so. but since then she didnt contact me. i didnt contact her either. so from there, should i be the one initiating contact? and how to win her back from there??

 

Use the time away from her to work on your confidence and self-esteem. You don't need someone else to make you happy but you are putting a lot of pressure on her by making her responsible for your happiness. Start hanging out with friends, find some hobbies, do things that make you happy that don't include her. I would recommend "No More Mr. Nice Guy" because you seem to fit the profile of a nice guy and need to address that issue for any second chance to work with her.