a bit lost Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 hi, im new to this and dont really know what im doing but ill give it a go. My boyfriend has recently kind of finished with me, and i am at a loss. We have been going out for around 2 and half years, and it has been amazing, we have been through a hell of alot for such a short space of time and we were inseperable and so close. I was so happy and we often planned the furture together, even recently. About 3months ago he said he was unhappy but wasnt sure why and wasnt sure if he was 'in love' with me, but he did love me and still fancied me, found me attractive. We spilt for about a day and he came back to me and said he was confused and has realised that he was in love with me and was sorry for hurting me and being confused. From then, it was a bit strange because the first 'break up' came as a bit of a blow to me because i didnt see anything wrong in the relationship. We werent arguing or falling out alot, we were doing things together and nothing seemed to have changed. He said he thinks he felt the way he did because i was moving back to Uni, and he usually travelled down to see me, but it is tiring for him (he gets up to go to work about 7 and doesnt get back down here until about 6 when he comes down, which is most days). I have always said i did not mind him staying at home or just seeing him on weekends, but he insisted on coming down anyway, saying it was fine as he was happy to be with me rather than stay at home where he wasnt so happy. So, recently, he has been a bit off and cold with me and after trying to get it out of him he says he doesnt feel happy again (maybe related to the fact i has recently moved back donw to uni again with him?! - i am unsure). He says he feels he would be happier alone and and doesnt think he is in love with me. I am at a loss, it has come so unexpectedly, he says he feels unhappy in general, with different things. it has come as such a blow as although we have had ups and downs (nothing major, like every relationship) we have been very close and loving and nothing in the routine has changed. I have tried to convince him we have something to work for but i think his mind is made up, he is still confused but i still dont really know why or what i have done, what has made him feel like this. He has been acting normal in the way of planning things for the future, if he knew how he felt why would he do this? I am still in love with him and i think we have something worth trying to sort this out for but he says i deserve better, but all i want his him, he makes me happy. This is the first time in 2yrs i have been on my own at Uni, my relationships when making friends have suffered because he has always been there (i realise now this was stupid but i was going through a rough time dealing with a medical condition and just wanted to stop in, and he helped and supported me immensely). This is my final year and im terrified my work will suffer, i know it will, i cant get it off my mind and im so worried about being alone and also about losing him, i miss him so much. Sorry for writing so much and i probably havnt said all i want to, but i am just looking for some help and advice from those who have been in similar situations, what shall i do? do you think there is hope for us? thankyou for reading...pls just give me honest advice, im sick of people saying it will be alright. x
dnm1010 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 honestly... he might need time away from you. i dont think it was something you did. just let him have his space, as hard as that is, and he might come back to you. from my experiences though, staying friends after you break up is not a good idea. i am really sorry youre going through such pain. i dont know what else to tell you or if i can even say something thatll make u feel better. i hope he realizes he lost the best thing for him. if he doesnt then im sorry to say but hes stupid and you desserve better. good luck.
Author a bit lost Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 thankyou. i know, it will just take time. i hope he does realise what he has lost
Kristin Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Hi, I am a bit in the same situation that all I can do is to accept it. And maybe he will come back and maybe not..... and maybe you, the same as me, think when he regretts what he did, that it´s too late and you are over him... I wish you lots of power and will, to leave him alone in his life, that what he did choose... It´s one of the hardest thing to let a person go, you´re still in love with.... it´s so sad and it costs all your energy to go through the first days without him... but I am sure, that after all this pain you will be stronger than before!
JumpHigh Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 My BF of 8 years did almost the same thing to me. He says he confused and doesn't know what he wants. It also came as a blow because things were going great between us and we were planning to move in together at the end of the summer. But after the last month I have realized that he just needs his space to figure things out. Guys handle things differently than girls do. If you love him, give him time. But in the mean time, don't sit at home and dwell on it. You said your other relationships have suffered because he was always around, well this is a time to go out and make new relationships. Focus on yourself and what you want. And don't go chasing after him. Let him be the one to contact you. Afterall he was the one who started all of this. And don't worry as time goes on things will get better.
Author a bit lost Posted January 26, 2006 Author Posted January 26, 2006 thanks everyone, things are getting btr over the days even though its only been like 3 days which is positive. im am not contacting him but am replying (in most cases) if he texts me. nothing explicit or lengthy just answering his questions (he is mostly just asking how i am). but im a bit confused, some texts are, well i feel, not relevant at the moment. for example he text last night saying 'night night sweet dreams' and i asked if that message was for me as it was unexpected and a bit odd considering the lack of contact and the general situation. basically the last msg he sent was along the lines of 'i was just thinking about you, i am lying in bed and thinking about you, i cud never forget you'. I feel confused and want to push it out my head as i dont want to read into it much. What is all that about?
UT_longhorn Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 I agree with LN8840K. You are letting him use you as an emotional parachute to drop off slowly every time you respond to him. You must cut off all contact as hard as that sounds. This is the only way that you can move forward and he will miss you. If you want even the slightest chance of getting together...you must maintain NC.
Author a bit lost Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 me and the ex recently met up (to get each others stuff bk etc), it was clear we felt strong feelings for each other still and he is saying he wants me to take him back, being with me made him realise we were so right for each other. he says he has thought about me everyday and wanted to contact me but never as knew we needed space. he says he got butterflies when he saw me and just wanted to hug and kiss me; he wants me to take him back. i just feel like he is chopping and changing his mind, i really thought this break up was it and i had kinda got used to not being with him (its been about 2weeks); not bcos i wanted to but bcos i had to. i had to get on with life even though i thought us breaking up was the wrong thing and i still wanted to be with him. i dont know if i can trust him, what he is sayin, my heart tells me yes to get back with him, my head says no. the big thing for me is gettign back with him and him doing this again, especially with my uni exams in apr/may, it would seriously inflict on my work and possibly career. i do love him very much and am in love with him, but i am very wary...any body been in same situation? anybody help?
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