sweetpea01 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I have been in a relationship for a little over 3 years now. He cheated on me in the past, and we tried really hard to work it out, and have done really well. He became a new person, and the experience changed me in many ways also. I applied and got into medical school - and am in my first sememster. My school is clear across the country, and we've been doing the distance thing. Just last week tho, he said the distance was too much. I said, what? We're doing great. He said it wasn't working for him, he needed space. I got very upset, and space turned into a breakup. Now, we talk a little bit, but I'm sort of confused as to why we broke up. He told me it was space, but from some ppl I heard otherwise. Basically, he is very insecure in this relationship because 1) i will be a doctor and I guess he does not feel as successful as me, 2) he is wondering how a girl with everythign ahead of her is still with him after what he did (cheating) 3) he feels like i will find another med student and run off with him and leave him in the cold. I love him and I would NEVER do that to him. I always thought we were working towards marriage, but apparently he feels like I can take or leave this relationship. Yes, we do fight about the past sometimes, but I wouldnt say we fight a ridiculous amount. I just dont know why he didnt come to me and tell me - and why instead of letting me make him more secure he would rather walk away. He says that I deserve better than him, but I have forgiven him and i love him. But all this just makes me wonder about our relationship and what is going on and it is at the point where i feel like he's a child and he should be a man and deal. SWEETPEA
Merin Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 First congrats on Med school Now... IMO your BF isn't so much afraid of what you "might" be doing, and more concerned about what he isn't "getting" does this make sense? IMO when someone loves you, they are not threatened about how successful you are or may become, but rather they encourage you to excell. The past is the past of course... however IME when someone tells you that you deserve better than they can provide 1) Believe them and 2) Don't feel you EVER need to convince them otherwise. Best Wishes. 1
gfto Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Although this might be difficult for you to hear, I think he's "just not that into you" anymore. Simple as that. The distance is just a convenient excuse. He's right about one thing though. You deserve better! You deserve someone who is highly interested in you!
a bit lost Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 hi, im new to this and dont really know what im doing but ill give it a go. My boyfriend has recently kind of finished with me, and i am at a loss. We have been going out for around 2 and half years, and it has been amazing, we have been through a hell of alot for such a short space of time and we were inseperable and so close. I was so happy and we often planned the furture together, even recently. About 3months ago he said he was unhappy but wasnt sure why and wasnt sure if he was 'in love' with me, but he did love me and still fancied me, found me attractive. We spilt for about a day and he came back to me and said he was confused and has realised that he was in love with me and was sorry for hurting me and being confused. From then, it was a bit strange because the first 'break up' came as a bit of a blow to me because i didnt see anything wrong in the relationship. We werent arguing or falling out alot, we were doing things together and nothing seemed to have changed. He said he thinks he felt the way he did because i was moving back to Uni, and he usually travelled down to see me, but it is tiring for him (he gets up to go to work about 7 and doesnt get back down here until about 6 when he comes down, which is most days). I have always said i did not mind him staying at home or just seeing him on weekends, but he insisted on coming down anyway, saying it was fine as he was happy to be with me rather than stay at home where he wasnt so happy. So, recently, he has been a bit off and cold with me and after trying to get it out of him he says he doesnt feel happy again (maybe related to the fact i has recently moved back donw to uni again with him?! - i am unsure). He says he feels he would be happier alone and and doesnt think he is in love with me. I am at a loss, it has come so unexpectedly, he says he feels unhappy in general, with different things. it has come as such a blow as although we have had ups and downs (nothing major, like every relationship) we have been very close and loving and nothing in the routine has changed. I have tried to convince him we have something to work for but i think his mind is made up, he is still confused but i still dont really know why or what i have done, what has made him feel like this. He has been acting normal in the way of planning things for the future, if he knew how he felt why would he do this? I am still in love with him and i think we have something worth trying to sort this out for but he says i deserve better, but all i want his him, he makes me happy. This is the first time in 2yrs i have been on my own at Uni, my relationships when making friends have suffered because he has always been there (i realise now this was stupid but i was going through a rough time dealing with a medical condition and just wanted to stop in, and he helped and supported me immensely). This is my final year and im terrified my work will suffer, i know it will, i cant get it off my mind and im so worried about being alone and also about losing him, i miss him so much. Sorry for writing so much and i probably havnt said all i want to, but i am just looking for some help and advice from those who have been in similar situations, what shall i do? do you think there is hope for us? thankyou for reading...pls just give me honest advice, im sick of people saying it will be alright. x
dnm1010 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 well i dated an insecure guy... he was insecure about the same things exept i was a chemical engineer and we were at the same univ. he didnt cheat on me either... but he was insecure nontheless... and he ended up becoming verbally and physically abusive to me. it was hard to leave him after 3.5 years. insecurites can play a huge roll. it takes a really confindent man to stick around when the woman is educated or what not.. i am working on my phd now and people always tell me that it must be hard for my FH to deal with that. its not something i understand but apparently many men go through that, especially if they arent doing the best financially or whatever. i asked my FH about that and he told me his ego wont let it bother him... his insecurity is something he needs to work on himself, its not something you can fix. even if u move home and go to medschool close to him.
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