I dont know ...

[dont know]

I'm just confused with so many different feelings and I don't know what to do. I'm 25 and he's 24, we were together for almost a year. My ex bf and I broke up almost a month ago. This is the second time we broke up. Last time we got back together after a week or so. He broke up with me the first time bc he got mad about something regarding me and a male friend of mine. He basically had a dramatic episode and didn't even listen to my side of the story.

 

He automatically thought the worst of it and got jealous. He thought I was purposely hiding something behind his back which I would never do coz I really respect and care about him so much. Well, this second break up was mutual. I've been thinking about breaking up before but wanted to make sure that I don't regret it. My last relationship was so immature and stupid that I didn't want the same mistake of breaking up bc of a fight and getting back together. I don't want to break up and make up a million times like my last relationship.

 

I try and think about my decision and learn from my mistakes. Anways, I wanted to break up for reasons that he is not as family oriented as I am which is really important to me and that he changed bc he is not communicating with me like he used to. I feel that he got too comfortable and that he knew I cared a lot already...that he didn't make as much of an effort. He's really a great guy for the most part and I accept his flaws and I know he's not perfect.

 

Eventhough he pisses me off at times, I still manage to make the best out of the relationship. Couples fight and disagree, and I believe it is the way you work at it that could determine if you should stay together and if it will work in the long run. He seems to be the type that gives up and just thinks it is over bc of a fight. I felt that if he can't handle a petty fight, he will not be able to handle something that could be more difficult than that. In my opinion, our fights are petty and it could be worked out. I think he views relationships differently and I don't think he's really ready for a bigger and deeper relationship.

 

He doesn't communicate as much as he used to and he said that he was upset with me and that he was more unhappy than happy. I asked why he was unhappy and he said that he doesn't know. So, since I had problems with him before and since he said he was unhappy...I said...that I don't someone that is unhappy with me bc it won't make me happy in the long run. I said that I don't want someone that doesn't value this relationship the same way.

 

I was really in an acceptance stage and I was fine with the decision. I wrote him closure emails and I felt relieved and ready to move on for someone and something better. I told him that we have a great friendship and that we should hang out again when we are both stronger and over each other. He said that he was hurt about some things I said and I just explained that it wasn't meant for him to get hurt. I just wanted to be honest.

 

So, from the time of our break up I missed him a lot but I didn't cry. I wanted to but didn't. I think that I got it engraved in my head that he is a great guy but emotionally...he is not the one bc I need a deeper connection that he doesn't full fill me with anymore. I thought that maybe I was just comfortable with him and that I miss my best friend. We kept contact from time to time ever since the break up and we both said that we really missed each other and have been calling and texting a lot but not everyday.

 

He works long hours and our work schedule conflicts at times. We hooked up once a week after we broke up and we weren't even really sure if that was a good idea but we did it anyways. I felt a bit dirty at first but it went away. I think it was the fact that we weren't officially together that is why it was weird. But we acted the same, same cuddling, holding hands, kissing and making love, massaging and same playfulness. We had dinner and then he brought me home and it was like we never broke up and that we were still together during one of our date nights.

 

We talked about what happened but not completely and I feel like we should have discussed it more but didn't. He said that he still cared about me and that he also doesn't know what to do. Part of me thinks that he does know but he has a lot of pride and just feels too proud to say anything.

 

I've gone out once after that and I felt great being single. No worries...just me. But when I went clubbing...I felt guilty making conversations with ppl. It didn't feel right coz we just broke up. However, I did dance with some men and had a blast!! A lot of men asked for my number and asked me to dance but I could care less about them. I just wanted to really have fun with my girl friend. Then a coworker started to like me, call me, text me, and email me...telling me that I'm great....but it didn't appeal to me. I've always been a picky type and I know I can move on and I know that I'll meet someone coz I meet ppl on a daily basis...whether at work, clubs, subways, trains, the street or wherever. I just feel that he is still something special.

 

I don't know what to do bc I remember why we broke up and don't want the same mistakes. He is also the type of guy that seems to be too proud and to have lots of pride. He was saying how he has never spent so much money on anyone before and how he drove during snow storms just to see me. I think he was trying to see how much he really cared about me bc he has never done anything like that before.

 

Anyways, just yesterday....we hung out again and we did the same couple things again....chilled at his house, movie and a bite to eat. Holding hands, cuddling, taking naps together, opening the car door for me, all those same things. Plus, we talked about the new birth control I'm using as if we were together officially. He has been talking to me about which type to get so that it would work for us. After our date night, I was so tired when I came that I forgot to call him and fell asleep. A little bit later, he texts me to make sure I got home safe.

 

I have confused feelings for him and I want to talk to him about it but I don't know what to say. I don't know if I should keep this going to figure it out or take a break from it. I don't know if I already know the answer but I just don't want to believe it. He is really a special and different man. He is a great catch but I think he lacks the emotionally attachment I need. He is great to me and he treats me good but I feel like I need and want more. I'm scared that if I let him go, that I'll regret it. I'm scared that if I say something I'm not sure of, I'll regret it and can't take it back. I'm scared that if I pour my heart out, that he won't feel the same things and reject me. What should I say and do? I don't know if I am just comfortable with him. I don't know if I should be patient and just take my time. He did use to give me butterflies...when he hugs me and kisses me and he still does at times...but something is just different and I can't figure it out.

 

Pls help me sort it out....I care about him a lot and I would love for it to work but I don't know if it is workable. Did anything like this happen to you guys before???