Kristin Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 HI! I NEED YOUR HELP!! My boyfriend left me with the words, that he is still loving me much, that he is crying when he thinks about loosing me, that he still wants to share his life with me, but that would not bring his feelings back, he once had about our relationship. He can not love me enough... He said it´s maybe an emotinal shortcoming in himself. I really don´t know, what he meant with this. HOw can you love someone, be sad about breaking up and all, what I said, but say on the other hand, that you don´t love enough
skeptik224 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I don't understand it either. I got the "I love you, miss you and want to date but still want to date other people. I don't want to lose what we have. You're amazing...blah..blah..blah.. I don't understand why people say the things they do. It definately messes with your head. As hard as it is, you need to move on. If he wants you, he'll be back.
datboispiggs Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I've gotten everything in the book thrown at me. I love you but can't get over what you've done to me. I never want anything to do with him again(week later calls me wanting the cock) . I've dealt with the worlds biggest head ****er that god put on the earth. Makes a guy wanna take ****s all day to clean out his body of any trace of her. Hahah Hang in there. I just laugh about **** like this now it's like why get all bent up on it. I don't understand it either. I got the "I love you, miss you and want to date but still want to date other people. I don't want to lose what we have. You're amazing...blah..blah..blah.. I don't understand why people say the things they do. It definately messes with your head. As hard as it is, you need to move on. If he wants you, he'll be back.
Author Kristin Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 after a few times texting to each other I went a bit angry and said how deep and honest his love must have been to me. Hilariuos!! He was really sad and said that it was and still is a deep and honest love to me. And that he is sorry that I don´t understand it but he woudn´t understand it either... ??????????? What the hell is his problem??????? ???????????
Kengne Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 HI! I NEED YOUR HELP!! My boyfriend left me with the words, that he is still loving me much, that he is crying when he thinks about loosing me, that he still wants to share his life with me, but that would not bring his feelings back, he once had about our relationship. He can not love me enough... He said it´s maybe an emotinal shortcoming in himself. I really don´t know, what he meant with this. HOw can you love someone, be sad about breaking up and all, what I said, but say on the other hand, that you don´t love enough Because he may LOVE you - but is not IN LOVE with you anymore. The two are not mutually exclusive. And just like people fall in love, people can fall out of love. Please listen to what he is saying. Right now the best thing you can do is accept it, and take some time out to deal with your feelings over the breakup. Being friends may be an option ... down the line ... but right now you need to take this time to heal from the hurt, and digest the changes. K.
Author Kristin Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 of course I will accept it and I am about to let him leave my heart.... but I still don´t understand this feelings he has. For me, there is the one way to love some one. The other is, not to love some one.... Why is he sad, why is he crying`, why is he missing me, why does he still want to share his life with me????? I am getting really angry about all this lies and the bull**** he told me......
Just Visiting Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Sounds like he has a major case of the guilts. Feeling guilty for not caring enough to stay. Guilt is a real nutbreaker to experience. So we will say or do anything to alleviate that feeling.
VONA13 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Hi Kristin, Im going through the same situation. I've been reading threads here that have helped me understand that we cant push anyone to care and love us but just let them be. Try to no talk to him for a couple of days and not respond to his text msgs, that will make him understand that you are hurting also not just him. Think about yourself right now and understand you cant be treated the way he's treating you at the moment. If he wants to be with you, he will tell you and make him work hard to get you back. Ive noticed that when you ignore them they tend to let the whole situation sink in. My ex did the whole " I love you and you're my soul mate" part after he dumped me but i didnt understand why he left just like that. And see how that goes...
SweptAway Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 It's a pretty dumb thing to say on his behalf but I get where he is coming from. On one hand, he is saying it because he stupidly believes that it would ease your pain. Infact, it would be much easier to hear that he doesn't love you because then you wouldn't be so confused or risk pining over getting him back. On the other hand, what he means is that he cares about you ( I hope) and doesn't want you to be hurt. I have to admit that when I dumped my ex, I said that I loved him. But not IN love with him anymore. I was moving ahead in life a lot faster than he was and he became emotionally unavailable. It was time to move on. I said I loved him when I broke up with him because I couldn't not love someone I had been so close to for so long. But I couldn't give him enough love. He deserved someone that could and I was selfish to keep him hanging because I was comfortable. I hate that I hurt him, but it just had to be that way. When its over its just over I guess. To this day, I honestly care about him and want the best for him despite our differences. I hope that this is what your ex is trying to say.
Kristin1 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 To ne honest I really hate him for the words he said, it´s not only that he said he loves me, he also said he still wants to share his life with me, that he is sad about me not being there anymore... He should have seen that this made everything worse because I started to ask questions. And at then he said, that he is sorry that I don´t understand, he wouldn´t understand either... That is still confusing me, because it doesn´t seems to be the way lots of people going when the say - sorry, I love you but not enough, I have to break up--- He told me too much of his currently feelings... But, when I am thinking about, how he treated me the last half year and how often I was sad about his behaviour to me.... I probably wouldn´t take him back, if he suddenly would find enough love again....
Author Kristin Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 I don´t know if it is so easy with his feelings. He said that he still has a deep and honest love to me and that he wishes to share his life with me, but that it wouldn´t make it right. He is sorry, that I don´t understand but he wouldn´t understand it either....ö I have such a need to talk to him, but I also know that it would not change anything....
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Sounds like he has a major case of the guilts. Feeling guilty for not caring enough to stay. Guilt is a real nutbreaker to experience. So we will say or do anything to alleviate that feeling. Did you get this verbatim from my (gulp) ex (gulp) boyfriend?
salmagundi Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Honestly kristin (and this from a guy) I wouldn't take this ****. I would give him the emotional shock therapy. If I were you I would just tell him to go to hell. I'm not being glib...I think that might be just what he needs as well as being empowering for you because what he is doing now is sending you on a rollercoaster ride to limbo-land. Don't take it. I dont think he is thinking about your feelings so much as his own. He doenst want to feel bad, he doesnt want to feel guilty. Well, whatever... he made his choice right? Tell him to spare you the ambiguous b.s. and you'll get to walk away at least looking stronger than that, IMHO. salmagundi
a bit lost Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 my boyf has done exactly the same thing to me, he loves me, he finds me attractive but doesnt know if he is in love with me. i find it hard to understand, i keep thinking it was something i did to make it that way. i dont really have an explanation apart from he feels unhappy in general. im finidng it hard to be strong because not only have i lost my boyf but my best friend too, i really dont have anyone to turn to
Author Kristin Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Hi salmagundi, thanks for your words, I could tell you lots of stories where he proofed in the last half year, that he didn´t care for my feelings at all. And I am sure you are right with saying he lost someone, not me. I did so good to him and tried to make him happy because he had really bad times with his ex ex (they have a daughter together) and i thought he needs a bit time to cure his hard and to be able to trust me... But all he did, when I came nearer and nearer to his life, he turned into a nightmare. That was so painful and I thought since autum to break up... At last, I didn´t want to give up my love for him.... but he gave up... without talking once to me about the problems... he said it is one of his hardest decisions in his life he makes, but I deserve more and he thinks that he has an amotional shortcoming and maybe he can never love someone enough....
salmagundi Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Geez Kristin, now I know I'm right. I've done this before too. You might have been his rebound. It sounds like maybe he got involved with you while he still had sh*t to work out with his ex. At any rate, I did that to a girl I dated shortly before I met my ex. I was into her at first but then she started trying to get too close and I was still dealing with a headf**k breakup from a year before and so the more she tried to get close to me the more I panicked, went cold and eventually just cut her out of my life. The point is I was being selfish and couldn't give her what she wanted, which just made her chase me more (actually kind of stalk me at one point.) Anyway, definitely tell this guy to screw off and definitely accept that what you want out of a relationship he is pretty clearly telling you he cant give. Definitely dont initiate any contact with him or chase him or anything, thats what I think. I would worry about you now and worry about moving on. I'm sure he's not a bad guy (neither am I) but I dont think you caught him at a good time. That sucks but we've all been there before... also I think we all need to avoid relationships that involve 'fixing' people. Go find someone who already is in psychological working order... take care, salmagundi
Author Kristin Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 Hi salmagundi, yes, you are probably right. I met him at the wrong time. And everything is probably like you said, that he still was busy with sorting out the things from his past relationship.. and it was the same, after half a year he went closer and closer and I started asking "what´s the matter" and he didn´t say anything and then I asked more and more and started to get the person back ha was to me at the beginning.. And he felt suffacated and I started to cling on him... But I think, that my behaviour was quiet normal to try to get him back like he was before, without recognizing that it would not make sense at all. But I also think, if I would have accepted, that he turned into an other person without caring for the realtionssip, he probably would have dumoed me as well.... Because in this last bad time.. I was freindly and was there for him everytime..but I once also was angry and didn´t reply to a text for a day and that made him sulking and he didn´t talk to me for a day as well. Silly, isn´t it? So everything what I did was wrong... That should have beenthe point for me to break up. BUT, if you´re in love to someone, you try everything, before you break up... and at the end he was a bit quicker and dumped me.... Probably that was my risk the last months.. But I didn´t want to let him leave my heart without trying and working for a better time... That´s life and I am over it now... Kristin
Just Visiting Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Did you get this verbatim from my (gulp) ex (gulp) boyfriend? No sorry jen.
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