kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Lose/Lose like I said.. you can't win in this situation. I still think you're wrong, you know that does happen sometimes. That's great that you're doing well with NC Cali Guy. Keep it up.
cal gal Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I'll probably screw a few of these up before I get one right Join the club! I am glad that you are not being a "doormat." Good growth for you! I think you need to decide what your very firm guidelines are for yourself and what qualties you require your SO to hold in return. That should lead your heart and head in the right direction.... You REALLY do know what you want to do - if you stop and take the emotions out of it all! Usually men see it more clearly - YOU DO KNOW!
loony Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 If I say something to her, then I'm being combative. You need to find a balance. As I see it you're on the way to become a defensive-formerly-doormat which women also can see through very quickly. Neither that type of guy nor the doormat are successful with women, trust me. I don't like men who become defensive too quickly and attack me for perceived slights, simply because it annoys me to be the scapegoat for the sins of their former girlfriends and also because I know that defensiveness is a sign for an insecurity and neediness that they haven't fully overcome yet. Self-confident people don't get upset. They take a decision and stick to it, whether it's a positive affirmation to continue with the girl or whether it's a refusal to put up any longer with her behavior. Giving someone a second chance is not doormat behavior, because you don't know this girl yet. If you continue to give her third, forth, fifth chances even though she has proven to be a jerk, then yes, you are a doormat, until then I find preemptive strikes based on assumptions and fears to get screwed over again to be quite the contrary of assertive or self-confident behavior.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I still think you're wrong, you know that does happen sometimes. That's great that you're doing well with NC Cali Guy. Keep it up. Okay lets say that he believes her STORY and even if he did a second chance she would treat him like crap in the future.. The future of this relationship was written by her from night of the stand up How is that winning ?
loony Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Okay lets say that he believes her STORY and even if he did a second chance she would treat him like crap in the future.. Why do you assume that she will not screw it up the second time? And who says he will stay with her if she does? Is he in love with her already that he will let her walk all over him?
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Why do you assume that she will not screw it up the second time? And who says he will stay with her if she does? Is he in love with her already that he will let her walk all over him? That's pretty much what I was going to say. I've nothing to add.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Why do you assume that she will not screw it up the second time? And who says he will stay with her if she does? Is he in love with her already that he will let her walk all over him? Because she CHOSE to stand him up.. by partying too much the previous evening she made the decision(s) to stand him up at that point.. she knew before and CHOSE to do what she did.. Otherwise she would've said to her friends ..." hey I can't go.. I have a great date set up tommorrow night and I don't want to risk f***ing it up " You have just missed that part. And anybody that would do that will do it again Loony...
gfto Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I'd forget about this girl and not reply to her e-mail. First, notice that she didn't suggest an alternate date. If she was really looking forward to seeing you and was losing sleep over this "I lost my cell phone" story, then she would've said, "would you like to reschedule for this coming Sunday?" Instead, she actually wrote that she would understand if she doesn't hear from you again!! In other words, she really doesn't want to hear from you again! She's just letting you down easy. A woman with high interest level in you is NOT going to tell you that she'll understand if she doesn't hear from you again.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 I'd forget about this girl and not reply to her e-mail. First, notice that she didn't suggest an alternate date. If she was really looking forward to seeing you and was losing sleep over this "I lost my cell phone" story, then she would've said, "would you like to reschedule for this coming Sunday?" Instead, she actually wrote that she would understand if she doesn't hear from you again!! In other words, she really doesn't want to hear from you again! She's just letting you down easy. A woman with high interest level in you is NOT going to tell you that she'll understand if she doesn't hear from you again. How can she have a high interest level? We haven't met yet! We've just talked on the phone a few times. There's no spark yet. I mean you have meet first. I understand what you are saying though. I mean I get where you are coming from but other than talking a few times on the phone there isn't much going on, ya'know?
cal gal Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Too much drama and emotion over a simple broken date. I'm over it! Don't know why all the fuss over ONE gal when he has others waiting in the wings, just do it! Get on with living honey!
gfto Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 I guess I should have said "interested enough to keep the date," as opposed to "high interest." Like I said, instead of asking you if you can reschedule, she basically told you she's ok if she doesn't hear from you again. You have to be objective about this and ask yourself......what are the chances of someone inadvertently leaving his/her cell phone in a friend's car?
Author CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 I guess I should have said "interested enough to keep the date," as opposed to "high interest." Like I said, instead of asking you if you can reschedule, she basically told you she's ok if she doesn't hear from you again. You have to be objective about this and ask yourself......what are the chances of someone inadvertently leaving his/her cell phone in a friend's car? I'm curious by nature. I asked pointed questions because each one will lead me closer to the truth, which is what I am always seeking. Yep, she screwed up. She apologized. Forgiveness is a trait few of us seem to possess lately. Not pointing fingers because we've all been burned. I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. What I did, before you even wrote this, was leave the ball in her court. She screwed up so if she really was looking forward to the date, she has an invitation to call me. If she does, fine I know she is interested. If not, no big deal because they're are many more waiting in the wings. One I talked to today REALLY has my interest. So we'll see. No drama for me, really. I've got choices and am sitting pretty right now. That's a darn good feeling and a great boost for one's own self-esteem
PlentyLV007 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 I've also given this line to someone who I didn't want to hang out with....and the reason for her email is because of her own guilt and she's keeping the door open for either a second chance if you give her one. If she really was looking forward to the date....she wouldn't have left her phone behind or what not.... Good job on not calling her after her not showing up...that's great! Honestly I wouldn't replay to her email...because she said it her self....that she wouldn't blame you if you decide not to contact her again... I say cross her of your 4 member list...you have 3 others to worry about... BIG PIMPIN!!!
gfto Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 If not, no big deal because they're are many more waiting in the wings. Excellent! It's a numbers game.
l2hvn Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 this just goes on and on... too much drama already and you guys haven't even met yet... bad omen i see.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 It's not drama, lol. It's basically a good discussion. There are many varying points of view and I am glad to have them. I left the door open for her to call and so far she hasn't so maybe everyone was right about her blowing me off. I don't care as I never met her. To be honest the partying in LA concerned me. I'm sooo far past getting drunk and crashing at my friends house. There's so much more to life than that.
Recommended Posts