Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Dont even email her, imo If you really feel like you should, maybe say something like, "Thank you for your interest, but Im no longer interested in pursuing a possible relationship with you. I am looking for a woman who has outgrown the party life, and I think we have very different lifestyles. I enjoyed getting to know you, and wish you all of the best" in times like these, its not your responsibility to make her feel good. She treated you like $h!t, why be nice and fill her ego?! Good advice
l2hvn Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 if the girl is decent she wouldn't have stood him up.. yes things happen ...the world can come to an end.. but at the end of the night he ate dinner alone... She verified the date.. She is a flake.. Use this as a crstal ball on how she will treat him in the future.. AMEN!!! we call them cornflakes!
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Actually she didn't. I left the name and directions on her cell phone on Sunday. That's what we agreed to. And then she conveniently & temporarily loses her phone. Like I said in my first post, in my opinion - no second chances.
cal gal Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 At this point I would say do not pursue this. You spar to keep up with her intentions. Nobody needs those head games. Too much of your mental and emotional energy has been wasted on second guessing one evening. Life is too short to make things that complicated from the start. The beginning is supposed to be the most fun without worries. You indicated that you have other options, move to your next choice and let the good times roll!
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 She verified the date.. She is a flake... It's rare that you and I disagree but I'm still not with you on this one. They didn't solidify their plans, they didn't pick a time and place, to me that's not verified. Until someone gives me a time and place I assume the date won't happen. How difficult would it have been for CG to let her know where to be ahead of time? I would think that he just doesn't care or has something else going on in his life. She didn't know where to meet him and she was out of town with (and this is still in question) no phone and no computer. In October my phone and computer broke in the same weekend. These things do happen. As far as the party girl thing goes, that's your decision CG but deciding that she's a party girl because she went out partying ONCE is rediculous. You don't even know this girl, you're making assumptions about her that you can't possibly make. One Saturday night I stayed home and watched TV however most Saturday nights I go out with my friends. If you caught me that weekend you would say that I have no friends and don't go out.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 Ok given all the opinions the one question I still don't have an answer to is why she bothered to email me this morning. If she wanted to flake on the date there's no reason to email me. Had I flaked on purpose I certainly wouldn't be emailing excuses, I'd just 'disappear' - haha.
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Good f@cking lord people. Have you never had anything like losing your phone happen to you?!?!?
loony Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Ok given all the opinions the one question I still don't have an answer to is why she bothered to email me this morning. If she wanted to flake on the date there's no reason to email me. Had I flaked on purpose I certainly wouldn't be emailing excuses, I'd just 'disappear' - haha. I don't understand why you just can't be polite and give her the benefit of doubt. What are you losing here? Even if she is a partygirl and you don't agree with her lifestyle what are you risking by being polite?
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 It's rare that you and I disagree but I'm still not with you on this one. They didn't solidify their plans, they didn't pick a time and place, to me that's not verified. Until someone gives me a time and place I assume the date won't happen. How difficult would it have been for CG to let her know where to be ahead of time? I would think that he just doesn't care or has something else going on in his life. We we agreed to a date but I had to call the restaurant to make reservations and be sure they would be open late on Sunday. She didn't know where to meet him and she was out of town with (and this is still in question) no phone and no computer. In October my phone and computer broke in the same weekend. These things do happen. That's why I am waivering a bit. I know stuff happens. As far as the party girl thing goes, that's your decision CG but deciding that she's a party girl because she went out partying ONCE is rediculous. Getting drunk enough to crash at friends house? I mean I stopped doing that when I was 25. She's 31. You don't even know this girl, you're making assumptions about her that you can't possibly make. One Saturday night I stayed home and watched TV however most Saturday nights I go out with my friends. If you caught me that weekend you would say that I have no friends and don't go out. She goes out with her friends a lot. She made that clear when we talked on the phone. My concern is that if she does like to go party with her friends that's not my style. I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, I said that doesn't fit my lifestyle.
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 If she didn't want to meet then I don't see what sending an email like this would accomplish. It appeases her guilt. Most people don't want to be thought of badly, even when they've done bad things. I'm quoting myself now!
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 If she wanted to flake on the date there's no reason to email me. Had I flaked on purpose I certainly wouldn't be emailing excuses, I'd just 'disappear' - haha. Exactly, and even if I felt guilty enough to write I wouldn't bother taking the time to come up with an excuse nor would I be putting my ego on the line by asking for a second chance. She might very well be a flake but none of us know that yet, not from ONE incident.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 I don't understand why you just can't be polite and give her the benefit of doubt. What are you losing here? Even if she is a partygirl and you don't agree with her lifestyle what are you risking by being polite? I believe I said in my post I wanted to remain 'classy', which is why I don't want to come off 'high and mighty' or a jerk in the reply, if I do send her one.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Ok given all the opinions the one question I still don't have an answer to is why she bothered to email me this morning. If she wanted to flake on the date there's no reason to email me. Had I flaked on purpose I certainly wouldn't be emailing excuses, I'd just 'disappear' - haha. Why not call you instead ?? I think that shows you some more of her character. She knows she looked bad.. thats why the email.. Even if she didn't do it on purpose she still did it..and in my book she is responsible for her decisions that "made" her stand you up.. The first date.. Now if she had been a couple of hrs late and stood you up that way and tracked you down and showed remorse.. different story.. She didn't do that.. She didn't care enough about your feelings to make sure she was there why are you making sure to care about her feelings now ??
Becoming Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Sorry this happened to you CaliG. I know you were looking forward to it, so I can see how this would shake your confidence at a time when it would have been nice to have had that confirmed. Plans weren't firm, and she had no way of contacting you. What do you have to lose in giving her a second chance? A couple hours? You've lost no self-respect or anything, so don't respond defensively out of hurt, which is an attempt to hurt her as much as she hurt you by standing you up. You're above that now, right? I agree with what loony and others have said. Give her a second chance, check her out, and then you'll know for sure without having to spend the rest of your life wondering if only . . .
clandestinidad Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Heres what I think.... It is possible that she lost her phone, and her internet doesnt work, which would make her NOT a flake, UNLESS she had written your number somewhere other than on her phone...then she could have called on another phone. It is possible that she really didnt want to go out w/ you, but like the others have said, wrote you an email of excuses to make herself feel better...b/n the guilt on her conscience and not wanting someone to think badly of her (even if she's not interested in them) But none of this really matters, since you dont want a party girl anyway.
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Why not call you instead ?? She has no phone!!! Track him down?!? Was she supposed to find a bounty hunter? She had no phone, no computer, no idea where he was. Personally, I wouldn't have ended the conversation without solid plans but if I was in her shoes I would have done the same thing. What the heck was she supposed to do? Ok, I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall on this one so I'm going to back off now. Good luck Cali Guy, I hope you're happy either way, with whatever decision you decide to make.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 If I were to give her a second chance, she'd be on shakey ground and I would probably be skeptical of her, at least for a while. I am big stickler for being on time and not flaking out. It's a sign of their character.
movinon05 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Even if she did crash, didn't she come home the next day without the cell? Didn't she know where she was meeting you? She could have still met you without her phone? That would render all her other excuses useless. I don't know which way I would go with this one. Good thing you don't have too much invested.
cal gal Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 My initial reaction was different however I do now believe AC is correct... why didn't she call when she got her cell back LAST NIGHT? There are so many things you can obtain by hearing someone's voice and maybe this is what she was hiding by sending the e-mail this am instead of calling last night (or even this morning). I would just send an acknowledment saying that you understand her bad luck but maybe her priorities are not matched with yours at this time. Good enough - on to # 2 or #3... get moving in the right direction for happiness...
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 It's funny how sometimes these threads just keep going. For me it's really simple. First date, no show, no more dates. Of course there are extenuating circumstances & each situation has to be weighed on its merits. The excuse here was that she got carried away partying with her mates & lost/forgot about her phone. For me that would not be a good enough excuse.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 I think I'm going to ask her what time she got her cell phone back and why she couldn't call instead of emailing.
clandestinidad Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Would her reasons really satisfy you?? It might just come off confrontational/argumentative....and to give that impression at the beginning is bad
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I think I'm going to ask her what time she got her cell phone back and why she couldn't call instead of emailing. I wouldn't do that if I were you. It sounds like a bickering kind of b/friend-g/friend thing & you haven't even gone out yet. If you give her a second chance you believe her story. If you don't believe it then forget about a making a second date.
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I wouldn't do that if I were you. It sounds like a bickering kind of b/friend-g/friend thing & you haven't even gone out yet. If you give her a second chance you believe her story. If you don't believe it then forget about a making a second date. Good post BC.
hooghie Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Track him down?!? Was she supposed to find a bounty hunter? :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Italianguy- I made an observation based on your posts. You appear angry at something. BTW- you don't know anything my values or culture. Here is a hint- I'm a muslim Iranian....
Recommended Posts