CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Ok, I have been talking to this girl for a week now and we set up a date for Sunday. Even confirmed it on Saturday. Well, come Sunday she was a no call/no show. I assumed I did something wrong (there's that inkling of lack of self-confidence showing, though I left dinner by myself and wasn't too upset.) Anyway, she sent me an email first thing this morning. I am truly sorry about dinner last night. I am not making up excuses...I was so looking forward to it. But I want you to know what at least happened..then you can decide if a raincheck is order. I will completely understand if I dont hear from you. So....I went to LA Sat. night with some friends and left my cell in the car because I didnt want to carry it with me. Well I crashed over their house and grabbed my bag but left the phone in my friends car. I was with out my phone until late last night when she dropped it off after getting back from Temecula. What is even worse is that my comp. at home does not work..so I had to wait until work today to at least email you. Which is what I did the first chance i got! Anyway...there it is...hope you are not too mad or I ruined your Sun. It was a honest nightmare...that is not made up! Do I give her the benefit of the doubt? I mean, this could be one of those test, you know? I have an idea of what I want to do but I would like to get some opinions first. I am not going to respond right away. Maybe wait till tomorrow.
hooghie Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I think you should give her another chance although her story IS a bit sketchy. If she pulls something like this again or shows other signs of untrusty behavior- move on. You are just starting this with her and if this is typical behavior- you are on a road of horrible drama.
cal gal Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 If I remember correctly, I believe she was the gal you were most interested in? Sure - give her one more chance to see if she follows through. What have you got to lose? A bit of time and small amount of energy.... Maybe this time put her in a position where she needs to make more of an effort than you - ie. ball in her court - so to speak.... Good luck with it.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 I think you should give her another chance although her story IS a bit sketchy. If she pulls something like this again or shows other signs of untrusty behavior- move on. You are just starting this with her and if this is typical behavior- you are on a road of horrible drama. How about if I say this: "Thanks for getting back to me. I too was looking forward to the date. Given what happened, why should I give you a second chance?" I'm trying to think of "classy" way to put this where I don't come off a jerk, but again, she blew the date and I need to have a backbone. I have plenty of women to choose from (there's at least 4 others now that interest me) so if I lose this one, no big deal. The old me would have been calling, emailing, etc. I didn't do any of that. I waited, patiently and was prepared to not hear from her again.
Italianguy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 "I was so looking forward to it." If she was so looking foward to it, she wouldn't be stupid enough to possibly "forget" that she was "So looking foward to it." Get rid of her, cell phone or not, she could said she tried to atleast contact you with another phone to let you know what was going on. She's a dumb broad, busy crashing out and leaving you to sit there like the idiot. Don't let her get away with it, put her in her place even if it makes her upset, you have to speak up.
hooghie Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Italianguy, I've read a few of your posts and it's quite obvious that a girl(s) hurt you bad. Were you a doormat IG? Did she cheat on you? Let it out- you'll feel better.
l2hvn Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 i've used the i-left-my-phone-in-the-car line quite a few times to people i didn't want to talk to/meet. (i know that's horrible). if i were you, i wouldn't give her a second chance. if she really was into you and was looking forward to a date with you, she would have never stood you up in the first place... she would have made herself available and plan it accordingly. afterall, we women get all giddy on the prospect of a new love. we take our time to make sure we look our best -- get our nails/hair done, get a new outfit, etc... sorry to burst your bubble.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 i've used the i-left-my-phone-in-the-car line quite a few times to people i didn't want to talk to/meet. (i know that's horrible). if i were you, i wouldn't give her a second chance. if she really was into you and was looking forward to a date with you, she would have never stood you up in the first place... she would have made herself available and plan it accordingly. afterall, we women get all giddy on the prospect of a new love. we take our time to make sure we look our best -- get our nails/hair done, get a new outfit, etc... sorry to burst your bubble. If that was the case, why even bother sending me a message? She sent this out of the blue. I didn't email or call when she didn't show up. Nothing. If she didn't want to meet then I don't see what sending an email like this would accomplish. If I didn't want to meet someone and flaked on a date I would never send another email.
Italianguy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Italianguy, I've read a few of your posts and it's quite obvious that a girl(s) hurt you bad. Were you a doormat IG? Did she cheat on you? Let it out- you'll feel better. Wrong, I am an Italian Muslim so my views differ from yours. It's my culture.
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 "Thanks for getting back to me. I too was looking forward to the date. Given what happened, why should I give you a second chance?" You're right, you sound like a jerk here. Don't go from one extreme to the other. You can put your foot down without being so abrasive, angry and untrusting. You can tell her that you will give her a second chance. You don't need to say much more than that. She knows she's on probation. You need to know, but not say, that if this happens again you're not going to continue on with her. And if this does happen again, don't continue on with her. I've done things like what she has and it had no bearing on the person I was meeting. s*** happens.
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 This was to be a first date? No second chance as far as I'm concerned. If she was soooo looking forward to it she would have made absolutely sure that she would of have been there, or if she couldn't make it she would have found a way to call you. The story about the phone AND her computer at home not working? I suppose it's believable. I guess I can be a real hard nosed bastard, but I wouldn't even answer her email. If she didn't want to meet then I don't see what sending an email like this would accomplish. It appeases her guilt. Most people don't want to be thought of badly, even when they've done bad things. If it's a test of some sort then she's very immature & not worth the time or effort anyway.
l2hvn Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 If that was the case, why even bother sending me a message? She sent this out of the blue. I didn't email or call when she didn't show up. Nothing. If she didn't want to meet then I don't see what sending an email like this would accomplish. If I didn't want to meet someone and flaked on a date I would never send another email. because she feels guilty and doesn't want to look bad. look, it seems as if you are willing to give it another try. then go ahead. but as a woman, if i was really into a new guy, i would have never stood him up. it sounds as if she's still immature in a way that she got herself trashed; she didn't want to be bothered (hence leaving her phone behind) while partying.... knowing that she will have to put her best face forward with you the next day...
cal gal Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Is this scenario striking a chord with you as to similar feelings with your ex? You seemed like you were on the right track of self confidence and now you seem to be second guessing yourself. Don't go backwards - just move forward. Your gut and a strong mind will tell you what is the right thing for you.
clandestinidad Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Maybe I missed something, but I'm very confused how the date was confirmed on SATURDAY if she didnt have any way of getting in touch.....????? Ohhh...okay, nevermind! It was probably confirmed earlier in the day before she went out....sorry bout that...lol Yeah, give her another chance.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 I'm confident or I would have been calling her after the date, which I didn't. I'll think about it a while and decide what I want to do. I've got my hands full and plenty of choices so it's no skin off my neck if this doesn't work out.
loony Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 How about if I say this: "Thanks for getting back to me. I too was looking forward to the date. Given what happened, why should I give you a second chance?" I'm trying to think of "classy" way to put this where I don't come off a jerk, but again, she blew the date and I need to have a backbone. I have plenty of women to choose from (there's at least 4 others now that interest me) so if I lose this one, no big deal. Ok, if you want to come across as classy, leave out the part about second chances, that will make you look insecure and defensive which in my opinion is always a big turn off for me. Stupid things can happen to everyone and she deserves the benefit of doubt the first time. Of course you don't have to believe her, but in my opinion you then should just leave her and not answer at all, but you should only do this if you are a 110% sure that she lied to you. And I doubt you are. I therefore suggest the following: "Thanks for getting back to me. I too was looking forward to the date, and therefore I was somewhat disappointed and confused when I didn't hear from you. Shall we set up another date and see how it works out next time?" I think that sounds ok. You let her know that you didn't like what she did, but you're also not one of these supersensitive burned guys who constantly see offenses and blows to their self-esteem. As an afterthought, I do have to say, if that was me, I would have tried to call my cell phone and ask my friend to tell me your phone number and then go out to find a phone booth and give you a phone call. I do find it extremely rude to let someone down like this. She could and she should have tried harder. The old me would have been calling, emailing, etc. I didn't do any of that. I waited, patiently and was prepared to not hear from her again. Well, emailing and calling would have been ok. Just because other people are rude doesn't mean that you have to start acting weird and change your behavior. By the way, cute avatar.
clandestinidad Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I just thought of something.... If the date was confirmed, does that mean that the time and place was agreed?? b/c if so, she should/could have still shown up......
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 Maybe I missed something, but I'm very confused how the date was confirmed on SATURDAY if she didnt have any way of getting in touch.....????? Ohhh...okay, nevermind! It was probably confirmed earlier in the day before she went out....sorry bout that...lol Yeah, give her another chance. Actually I take that back. Confirmed Friday at 5:30pm. Didn't talk again until I left her a message on Sunday telling her where to meet. She had no way to reach me on Sunday if she didn't have PC access.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 She is a flake.. considering that she STOOD YOU UP I would never speak to her again.. If she would do this at the first date.. a time whereshe was supposed to be on her good behavior then look out.. she has a lot more doormat stuff for you in the future.. This chick is bad news.. no matter how you look at it.. if she is being up and up about it then the future doormat crap is still to come.. Standing someone up is a huge red flag/character defect. It is a Lose/Lose postition your in... I would kick her to the curb..
kitten chick Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 She is a flake... You don't know that. Sometimes even bad things happen to good people. When she does it a second time you know it's a character flaw rather than Murphy's law.
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 She is a flake.. considering that she STOOD YOU UP I would never speak to her again.. If she would do this at the first date.. a time whereshe was supposed to be on her good behavior then look out.. she has a lot more doormat stuff for you in the future.. This chick is bad news.. no matter how you look at it.. if she is being up and up about it then the future doormat crap is still to come.. Standing someone up is a huge red flag/character defect. It is a Lose/Lose postition your in... I would kick her to the curb.. A_C, I am inclined to believe you. Most of your advice has been dead-on accurate. What did you think of the email that I was thinking of sending her? I mean really, what have I to lose at this point? I think the point that hits me the hardest is "What the heck is she doing partying in LA?!" I don't want a party girl, that's for sure.
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I just thought of something.... If the date was confirmed, does that mean that the time and place was agreed?? b/c if so, she should/could have still shown up...... She also wouldn't have needed her PC or mobile to call him. She knew where she was supposed to be, she could have called the place & asked to speak to him or to relay a message.
clandestinidad Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Dont even email her, imo If you really feel like you should, maybe say something like, "Thank you for your interest, but Im no longer interested in pursuing a possible relationship with you. I am looking for a woman who has outgrown the party life, and I think we have very different lifestyles. I enjoyed getting to know you, and wish you all of the best" in times like these, its not your responsibility to make her feel good. She treated you like $h!t, why be nice and fill her ego?!
Author CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 She also wouldn't have needed her PC or mobile to call him. She knew where she was supposed to be, she could have called the place & asked to speak to him or to relay a message. Actually she didn't. I left the name and directions on her cell phone on Sunday. That's what we agreed to. She had no clue where to meet me until she got her phone. Kind of odd how this one worked out, that's why I was thinking of a second chance, but the partying in LA bothers me. I'm just not into that.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 You don't know that. Sometimes even bad things happen to good people. When she does it a second time you know it's a character flaw rather than Murphy's law. How many guys have you stood up KC ? I'll bet none... Why.. because if the girl is decent she wouldn't have stood him up.. yes things happen ...the world can come to an end.. but at the end of the night he ate dinner alone... She verified the date.. She is a flake.. Use this as a crstal ball on how she will treat him in the future..
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