Rainswept77 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 The last couple of days have been terrible, I was doing NC, and was doing well.Trying to get my life together. Then from nowhere she sent me an instant message, I caved so bad. The last couple of days, she's been playin games with me, spillin out things that would make a person ask questions. But I haven't, and I been trying my best to keep my composure, and maybe act like I am just fine. But only me and the Lord knows and all you folks, I am dying inside. and it feels like somebody is standing on my heart. (I cried this morning). She'll get into a convo with me, and then just start ignoring me. and I try not to act like its bothering me, or wondering who she could be talking too. I wish she would just leave me alone, its like she's trying to make sure I'm still in pain. and the more I play along with her game, the more I cry, and the more I wish I was dead. I talked to god today, and asked him to give me the strength and dignity to walk away from this. To love myself and to not allow this to go on. I know right now she must be on some ego ride, I know she's probably enjoying herself right now. all this attention. I just want to be put out of my misery, just let me go please. You say you still love me, then atleast have the decency to tell me that you don't love me anymore. ~RS77
CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I'm sorry you are going though this. It happened to me as well. The best thing to do is stick with NC. Cut her out of your life. The hardest thing for people to understand is that it isn't her that is making you feel this way. It's you who is allowing this to happen. You are giving her control of your feelings, of your life. You'll start feeling better when you decide that you want to be in control of your life and take the power back from her. Stop talking to her. Stop giving her any of your time. She doesn't deserve it.
notmakingsense Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Same thing with me. No real closure or 'final statements' from her. It didn't start to get easier until I kept telling myself that it was over and going through the reasons why. It doesn't need to be a lengthy list or complicated... all you really need to declare it over to yourself is the fact that she's treating you like cr*p and ignoring you.
blackendangel13 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 The hardest thing I ever did was block my ex's email address and all other contact info. He can still call me but doesn't. He tried once but I didn't answer. It took me a year and a half of allowing him to upset me and make me go crazy. I tried blocking his email several times and always undid it. When I finally stuck with it, it was an achievement. I haven't spoken to him in almost 4 months. It hurts but to me it hurts more with him than it does without. Its your choice whether or not to respond and I know its a hard one but you won't heal with this pattern of contact/no contact. Only you can decide to walk away.
CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 It hurts but to me it hurts more with him than it does without. Bingo. That's exactly how I feel right now. I was unhappy with the Ex because of her indifference. At least without her in my life I am free to be happy and don't have to wonder why she is so damned indifferent anymore. Isn't that odd? Happier without her than with her. And I didn't really realize it until now.
slubberdegullion Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Rain, I think we all can relate to your situation in one way or another. CaliGuy had it right on when he mentioned about maintaining NC. It gives you the time and space to heal without her interfering. So don't respond to her. Don't take her calls. Delete her email address from your address book. Delete her emails without reading them. Don't reply to text messages. Just don't, don't, don't engage her in any manner whatsoever. If she gets choked at you (and she will), that's her problem, not yours. Good luck, dude. There are better days ahead, even if you don't see that right now.
wendel1 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Yep, NC definitley works...if she contacts you and you dont respond...you will feel better, trust me.. you are the one with the control and the power.and you are making the decisions...and it gets easier....
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