blah1234 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 So, my ex recently drunk dialed me (she was actually decently sober) and told me all the reasons she broke up with me. It was great. Anyway, she told me that she loves me, but she's not sure "I'm the one" because when she's away she doesn't miss me as much as she used to. Also, she said that it wasn't like it used to be in the beginning of the relationship and we usually don't have all that much to talk about anymore. My initial reaction was "well, duh." I mean, after two years of seeing eachother almost every day, it's going to feel like that a little. She always complained about how we don't really talk that much at dinner and I guess I should have taken that as a sign she was bored... Anyway, I would love to take her on a really romantic date or something, but obviously that's not going to happen because she'll just say no. Is there any other way to maybe get that initial spark back to revive the relationship? Or should I just give her time and hope that she comes to her senses? Or do I just forget about it and move on? I still love and care a lot about her.
CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Not really. Her heart has to change on her own. If she said she doesn't miss you much when you're not around that's not a good thing. Did you take the relationship for granted. Maybe read Blaise Harris' book about winning your lover back. It basically deals with how to love your lover back to you. It's for people who might have taken their relationship for granted and lost them. Good luck.
skeptik224 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I agree with Cali in that her heart does have to change on her own. But, I wouldn't give up in your case. It doesn't seem like she's totally dismissing a 2nd chance. How long have you guys been broken up?
Author blah1234 Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 We've been broken up a little over week. We've already "hooked up" since then and she still calls me all the time. When she broke up with me she originally called it "on a break" because "there is more of a chance of us getting back together." But she doesn't know if she wants to get back together.
CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 We've been broken up a little over week. We've already "hooked up" since then and she still calls me all the time. When she broke up with me she originally called it "on a break" because "there is more of a chance of us getting back together." But she doesn't know if she wants to get back together. As long as you are giving her the milk for free and continuing to talk to her whever she wants, she has no reason to come back.
slubberdegullion Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 She's playing you, dude. "I want to be on a break because I don't know if you're the one, but I'd still like to hang and have fun and screw with you." It's absurd. Cut her loose. Go NC immediately and keep it.
Author blah1234 Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 There is no way I can go no contact after two years. That's absurd.
slubberdegullion Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 There is no way I can go no contact after two years. That's absurd. Hey, it's your choice.
gfto Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 There is no way I can go no contact after two years. That's absurd. What's absurd is going back to someone who dumped you, because that person will certainly dump you again. It doesn't even matter if you change. Whatever it was about you that caused her to dump you will always be there in her mind. When it's over, it's over. No contact is the best way to go. Instead of chasing someone who doesn't want you, go out with some dignity and quit responding to her contacts.
CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 There is no way I can go no contact after two years. That's absurd. Fine, as long as you understand that as long as you're there to fill her needs, physically and emotionally, she will never give you what you want (a relationship) and the only person who will suffer is you. You see, she's getting what she wants and delaying your healing and moving on in the process. That's why NC is essential. You need to cut her off. She's milking you and you're taking it. At what point do you value your self-respect enough to say "That's it, I'm not playing this game anymore?" You will not heal completely until you do and you will be in no right frame of mind to be attractive to anyone else in the process. If you love and respect yourself, you don't let her use you.
grace2005 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 What's absurd is going back to someone who dumped you, because that person will certainly dump you again. It doesn't even matter if you change. Whatever it was about you that caused her to dump you will always be there in her mind. When it's over, it's over. No contact is the best way to go. Instead of chasing someone who doesn't want you, go out with some dignity and quit responding to her contacts. I agree with you. That's the same position I hold with my ex now. I wouldn't ever again consider taking someone back after they dumped me no matter how sorry they say they are. I was told by alot of posters that I was immature for dumping my ex after she came back. I don't see it that way. Why would it be ok for her to dump me but not for me to dump her? Come to think of it I didn't really want her back to begin with. I just wanted an opportunity to turn the tables so she wouldn't have a chance to hurt me again. So in a sense I wanted a 2nd chance only to get my foot in the door to pay her back for the pain she caused me not because I want to continue the relationship. Maybe now she feels cheated out of her chance to dump me again since I beat her to the job this time. If I had stayed with her it would have only been a matter of time before she would have dumped me again. Why take that risk? Usually 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances don't work out anyway. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but usually when a relationship suffers one or more break ups it leads to a permanent break up sooner or later. An ex is an ex for a reason! Maybe God is trying to tell you that the two of you don't belong together especially if you break up more than once.
Author blah1234 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Damnit, all I want is a second chance. It's not fair.
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Damnit, all I want is a second chance. It's not fair. Nothing in life is fair. What you must do is let go, learn from this and the next woman that comes around you'll be much better prepared for this. Hoping for a second chance will prevent you from healing and becoming stronger, leaving you weak and unable to make a second chance work.
gfto Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Hoping for a second chance will prevent you from healing and becoming stronger, leaving you weak and unable to make a second chance work. It will also prevent you from meeting a new girl who is crazy about you!
Author blah1234 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Pshh... there is no new girl who is crazy about me.
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Pshh... there is no new girl who is crazy about me. There won't be as long as you take that attitude. Do you know anything about CBT? You feel how you think so if you're thoughts are consumed with negative feelings, that's how you are going to feel. If you fill your head with positive thoughts, you will feel happy and positive. Same with confident thoughts. Women want happy, confident men. You'll attract them when you start thinking that way. Negative thoughts only lead to negative feelings. It's that simple.
Author blah1234 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Yes, I am well versed in the Tucker Max way of thinking. AKA "skill is secondary to confidence"
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Yes, I am well versed in the Tucker Max way of thinking. AKA "skill is secondary to confidence" Then you are acutely aware that if you think negatively, you will feel negatively. That translates into how you act. Therefore, you will never attract a woman you will be happy with until you focus on positive thoughts. Confident men come from confident minds.
gfto Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Pshh... there is no new girl who is crazy about me. Yes, there is. You just haven't met her yet, because you're still so blinded by your own high interest level in this girl who couldn't care less about you. As CaliGuy said, you need to be confident and funny. Get out onto the field and just practice making meaningless small talk with women, and get as many new phone numbers as you can! That ex is just a dead end.
Recommended Posts