a4a Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Curious to know if romance is natural or learned in men. So for you men out there that have or are in a relationship, what brings your romantic side out? Do you just think of romantic things to do (pops into your head) or do you have to really think about it? By you being romantic do you get a sense of satisfaction? Why are you being romantic, is there a self serving reason for this? By romantic I am speaking of caring thoughtful gestures to your SO.....from planned picnics to lavish surprise travel arrangements.....or just a small token of affection such as a single flower ect. Why do you do it? Did you have a parental example to learn from? Other outside sources to learn from (movies, books, ect)? Is it important for you to do these things in a relationship? Why is it important to you? Do you think it is important to keep romance alive in a relationship? Romantic women respond also..... a4a- feelin groovy Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I had a romantic man once. Brought me flowers, cards, gifts from business trips, wine-filled dinners. And then he dumped me. And now I'm miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Curious to know if romance is natural or learned in men. I have always thought that my romantic side and thoughtfulness has come from my Mom. Not in the fact that she taught me to do specfic things but she taught me to respect women and also taught me how to treat women and what women expect from a man.. I also had help from 4 younger sisters My Mom.. Thanks Mom Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 I have always thought that my romantic side and thoughtfulness has come from my Mom. Not in the fact that she taught me to do specfic things but she taught me to respect women and also taught me how to treat women and what women expect from a man.. I also had help from 4 younger sisters My Mom.. Thanks Mom Art may I ask you for a few examples of romantic things you have done, and if you remember how you came up with those ideas? Does it make you feel good to do those things? why? Did you ask your younger sisters for ideas? (help) I know I am asking some in depth questions....... I do have a reason for this perhaps I will post my reasons after I feel more comfortable doing so. Thanks a4a Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I am a very romantic person and it came from both my parents .. I don't get it too much from my h unless he is wanting to go to the bedroom !! H can be romantic when he wants to be but not as often as i would like.. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 IME, being romantic is a double-edged sword. It may set up expectations that cannot possibly be met. Sure, I've bought flowers for no particular reason, and arranged a weekend away just because, and done plenty of other things that are both expected and unexpected. But suddenly, when you don't or can't do those things because of finances or work stresses and whatnot, your partner's expectations may be disappointed and before you know it, you're hearing, "You never do any romantic stuff anymore!" I speak from bitter experience here. It's all about managing expectations, I suppose. Only once did I ever receive flowers from a partner. They came to my office, unsigned, but I knew who they were from. It was great! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Art may I ask you for a few examples of romantic things you have done, and if you remember how you came up with those ideas? Does it make you feel good to do those things? why? The last Girlfriend I was seeing I went to a school suppy store and bought a black chalk board with a wood border.. you know the kind about 12-16 inches wide.. and some chalk. I then drew a heart with an arrow going thru it and our names over top one another with a plus sign between them.. and on the side a quick romantic note to how much she means to me.. She kept it in her kitchen.. Of course I doubt she still has it but it blew her away.. I thought it up one day while watching a tlc show on a person that communicated thru a chalk board.. I also am a flower guy.. I give flowers all the time.. the same last GF I gave her roses in incrementing numbers everytime we went out.... within months she was getting 3 dozen roses from me.. Roses are cheap.. also my idea.. That girl was under my skin though..and i was quite smitten Of course the relationship was already established and no longer in the courtship phase.. I would never do something that wild just courting someone Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 Wow Art...... that is awesome! TY for the reply. I am pondering this romance thing...... I do not think I have experienced it to the degree you have given it. a4a Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 A_C, you da man! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 A_C, you da man! well I was head over with the chick.. I have done a lot of stuff like that throughout my life.. A4.. why are you asking ? Care to let us in on it ? Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Romance is not natural in men or women. It is all learned behavior. It appears to be instinctive in women because they are learning this stuff at a much younger age than almost all guys. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Intersting post A4A. Im not much of a romantic myself.But I would say my s/o certainly is. He does stuff, like elaborate chalk drawings that Ill tuck between the pages of a book and stumble upon later. Sometimes Ill find love notes to me in other languages usually sanskrit , in a nightstand or pack of cigarettes or tucked in my laptop, that I have to then decipher .Ive gotten in my car to find new things dangling from the rear view with a couple embraced or a heart drawn on permanent marker on the rearview mirror. I also awake many mornings to find that my s/o is already gone for the day ,but stopped by starbucks got me coffee and there it is on the nightstand with an "i love you ,get out of bed , be back in 2 hrs." note. He also always opens car doors for me , cooks most of our meals, and always presents them , Ill just throw something on a plate , but he decorates the plate and usually presents it in some sort of artistic way ( hard to explain)many times the foods are beautifully aranged by color .Ive never recieved flowers by delivery but lots of times he appears with handpicked daisys or sunflowers out of the blue. And here I was upset b/c he never remembers my birthday ,silly me. The s/o says he definitly learned it , both by previous enteraction with others and from reading books on philosophy and the letters of F. Chopin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 well I was head over with the chick.. I have done a lot of stuff like that throughout my life.. A4.. why are you asking ? Care to let us in on it ? Okay let you in on it My H's mother died when he was a preteen, he grew up with just a father and 3 sisters, never saw the relationship between parents. He has never offered one bit of romance towards me. He did buy me flowers one time. About a year ago....... I do not require gifts..... he does make me snacks or offer to do so. But the thought is lacking..... I guess I crave something that is planned ahead of time. I could not ask for a nicer guy in my life, but that is romance is certainly lacking. I used to buy him gifts often, surprise him with little notes ect. I would buy him tools even or surprise drive to HD or Lowes and say "come on lets go get you something"........ I have to wonder if it is me, or how he was raised. He has a heart of gold....... but at times his lack of showing affection through romantic gestures is almost painful to me. Starting to feel like an old farmers wife And I have communicated this to him, he states he does not know how to be romantic. I am starting to wonder if he cares that it is some what important to me......... maybe I am just being a poop? a4a Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I think it is the way he was raised.. Like I said I feel that my mom is the reason why and without his mother being there thru his dating years he may not know how.. Maybe a little training on your part is in order.. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 My parents were never really that romantic or affectionate towards each other but I've always sort of been romantic at heart. Life experience has built a cynical wall around that part of me to protect it from evil-doers, but it still exists. I love to be romantic with women but I'm more careful to dish it out these days (and certainly not early on in the relationship). My current gf has a bit of a problem with showing romantic gestures, but it's something we've addressed. It's funny, we were actually on the phone less than an hour ago and were talking about how she calls her friends pet names ("sweetie", "love", "baby") but doesn't really do that with me. That kind of bothers me. I swear, I think I was a woman in a former life. I bet I had huge tits though. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I have always considered myself the romantic type. One of the biggest compliments that I have received over the years is that I am a very thoughtful person. I have always liked to surprise my S.O.'s with various gifts. I would say that the only things that I have learned over the years about romance would be new and creative ideas on how to romance women. I also learned to tone down on the selfishness that i once possessed. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I think it has to do with how his father used to treat his mother, and he's never seen this to know, at least not at an age of awareness. My husband is a terrific guy, but it took me 20 years to get this through his head. His father was a male lion who came in from work and sat down while all the females in the house fed him. He gives no praise or appreciation to her. Don't get me wrong: he's a good guy; he's just Stoic. Poor as the rocky soil of the hills where he grew up, he had no idea how to treat a woman either since his father was killed while working on the railroad. Life was hard for this family, so romance was nonsense; they were just trying to survive. My husband was subconsciously taught that life is hard and that lovin yer woman meant you kept a job, didn't drink, and never hit. If she wanted something more, she was fancy and uppity. A part of me understands this, but the fancy and uppity part of me longed for more. And last night in this man walks with a perfect peach and cream rose just because. So they're trainable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I think it is both natural and learned. Some men are better at romance than others, I've observed. I think some men are more in tuned with being romantic, with the right gestures at the right times. Some men just pick up on social (and hence, dating) cues more astutely than others, although there is definitely a component that is learned. Many of us men would be much better at romance if we would just take some time to perfect our craft. Link to post Share on other sites
Roo-bie2 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I think many women set themselves up for failure in the expecting romance department. They use this idea of romance to put someone else in charge of their happiness. Often times it takes mind reading for a man to get it right. I get very annoyed with my step-mom when she says my dad doesn't do anything romantic for her. Ummm, the only time she has had to mow the lawn, car maintenance, house care, et is when he was off at war or physically to ill. I think some women need to wake up and smell the coffee and be thankful for what their partner does not what he doesn't do. Appreciate that he will work 60 hours a week and have a commute time from hell just to support you and his family. Usually if you consistently do good deeds/gestures to other people they most likely return it. Just be realistic and accept that it might not be flowers, candy, and a fine meal. It might be something as simple as him scrapping your windows (which is really nice when you are very pregnant). Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 So for you men out there that have or are in a relationship, what brings your romantic side out? Do you just think of romantic things to do (pops into your head) or do you have to really think about it? My wife, just being herself, brings out the romantic in me. By you being romantic do you get a sense of satisfaction? Why are you being romantic, is there a self serving reason for this? I'm romantic just because I love my wife and she deserves it. By romantic I am speaking of caring thoughtful gestures to your SO.....from planned picnics to lavish surprise travel arrangements.....or just a small token of affection such as a single flower ect. All of the above, and more, and quite spontaneously. Why do you do it? Did you have a parental example to learn from? Other outside sources to learn from (movies, books, ect)? Nope! Decidedly not my parents. I do it because I want to and most of my ideas come from within and the desire to romance the one I love. Is it important for you to do these things in a relationship? Why is it important to you? Do you think it is important to keep romance alive in a relationship? I think it's essential to romance your spouse every day, even in just little ways. It keeps the relationship alive and vital. It lets the other know they're valued and cherished. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 When I truly feel loved and appreciated in a relationship I can be one of the most romantic men you could meet. I love making the woman I love happy but if she makes it her mission tio make me miserable I shutdown and stop trying. Link to post Share on other sites
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