lil' jinx Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Hi, I've been a lurker for many years now, and post every now and then. Anyways, here's my situation, if it's even a situation. I've been somewhat suspicious for about a year and a half that my husband's best friend may have a crush on me/thinks I'm hot. For example, sometimes I'll catch him looking at me, and then he'll move my hair from the side of my face and say, "oh you have something in your hair". He always has some sort of comment about my clothing or hairstyle. If he watches a movie and thinks I'll like it, he calls my husband, and tells my husband about the movie and discusses what parts he thinks I'll like and which parts he thinks I won't. He speaks very highly of me to my husband and to other people,and the only reason I know this is because they tell me. Having said this, he has a bit of a mean streak when he's around me, he makes comments that often create a distance between us or tries to start a disagreement. He often compares his wife to me, even over little things, he does this infront of my husband. He compares everything from my cooking, to our communication style, intellect, hobbies, everything! He's not an afectionate person, however if there's some sort of holiday or occasion, he takes the opportunity to hug me, and he pulls me very close to him everytime, and then holds me tight and doesn't let go until I break away. This happens out in the open, infront of my husband and his wife, and sometimes other guests. I'm careful to only be around him where there;s other people. One time my husband was upset with him over something not related to me, and when he apologized to my husband, he told my husband that he hoped that I'm not offended because he really cares about me. This guy isn't known to speak openly about feelings ect, so this makes everything even stranger, not to mention the obvious that he would even say such an obsurd comment to my husband who thought nothing of it! Sorry this is so long, but I've had all these little things occur for over a year now. I'm extrememly consciencetious around maintaining appropriate boundaries I've often said to my husband that I think his friends behaviour is strange and sometimes innapropriate, and my husband doesn't seem to think anything of it. I've never spoken about this to anyone ever, then two days ago, my best female friend said that she felt the need to tell me something, and she brought up my husband;s best friend and stated that she felt that he had a crush on me and that she felt this has been going on for about 5 years (we are all in our late twenties). She said that she noticed him watching me his behaviour ect., and just thought I should know. The reason I've written this post is to safely get this off my chest, I can't discuss this with my husband, he hasn't been receptive to my comments, I feel anxious about being around his best friend, and I would like everyone's opinion on 1. do you think I'm being paranoid 2. how do you handle this situation? I'm the godmother of his children and his wife is my friend, I'm frustrated with my husband's lack of acknolwledgement regarding his friend;s behaviour. 3. should I further dsicuss this with my husband and how without creating a geater conflict? Thank you, lil' jinx
luckygirl Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 lil' jinx, I suppose if your husband does not think anything of his best friend's behavior then there is nothing to worry about. Maybe it makes your husband feel good that his best friend is attracted to you. It makes me proud when someone tells me my boyfriend is attractive. It kind of scares me at the same time, but believe me, at least I now know that there is a possibility that this person will flirt with him and I can put a stop to it if it occurs. Just do not let him go too far, and if he does tell your husband's best friend and your husband that it makes you uncomfortable because you are married and so is he. Or that you would never do anything because you respect your husband's bestfriend's wife. It makes everyone feel good to know that someone is attracted to us, whether we admit it or not. If you let it go to your head then you may let your husband's best friend over step his boundaries and you will be susceptible to his gestures. luckygirl
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